Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

[Needalisteningear]

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

I feel like running in the dark 🤣 Throughout this thread, I've been encouraged and every single one I am going to try! So I'm adding the Nike app to begin with so I can crawl home in the dark to begin with, then I'm going to attempt a Parkrun!
Thank you so much x
Ps... I'm really unfit, what if I'm slower than the tailwalker?!

Thank you so much!

I'm glad you decided to get out there! That's a lovely story hearing how you can make friends, but sitting inside isn't going to do that! I'm going to do the same as you, and get myself out there x

Thanks for replying to me! I'm really glad it helped you too! Are you feeling a bit better?
Will try and keep this thread going, just because it's the loveliest thread I have ever seen on MN and all you gorgeous hearted people just pulled me through the night! X

Please update when you've been to your taster session! I'd love to hear about it! Well done for doing that!
Now to find a book club 😉

Anyone who adds Hula Hoops to a meal and has Munchies for pudding is my kind of woman.
I am probably a lot older than you. In the 70’s Munchies were so expensive. So to me they are still proper posh!
Hope your therapy goes well today! X

Good morning OP.
I hope the therapy session goes well. I did six months, once a week. Best thing I ever did.
I didn't mention it before but if you can knit or sew there are usually groups for that too.
Good luck today x

You won't be slower than the Tailwalker - their job is to be the last person! We sometimes have a runner who was in a bad accident a year or so ago and who uses two walking sticks. They take about 75 minutes to get round the course and the Tailwalker walks with them.

I'm glad you're going to give it a try. You are an inspiration and this thread motivated me to make steps towards some changes I've been thinking about for a while. So you are helping people just by being honest about how you are feeling.

Probably involves sharing a few too many details but we could do a book club on WhatsApp/Facebook group on here?

Were they really? I'd have thought After Eights were posh! My Munchies gave me toothache 😒 I think hula hoops go with anything! Sometimes I crush hula hoops up, spread them over pasta nake with cheese... lush!
I'm in my 30s! Feeling old already!
Thank you, I'm looking forward to it. I need to work out why I keep going for the same kind of men. I'm starting to think it's a repeating pattern of the kind of man 🥺 x

Thank you! I'm going to try and keep on with her privately. I should hopefully afford it now I'm not having to pay for the life of another adult! Silver linings and all that!

My mum tried teaching me to knit. I wasn't the best.

Sewing, I try and even bought myself a sewing machine. I just can't grasp it! I did once make a pillowcase but it took me around 4 months 🥴 I will try it again! It's going on my list! X

Aw! That's so lovely to hear! What changes are you thinking of making? Please share and keep me updated! I'd love to know!

When I have completed my first parkrun, I will be sure to update! I just want to achieve things, whether I like them or not. I want to show myself that I can do it and that I'm not as useless as I think.

Thank you so much for your lovely post. Everyone has inspired me too! X

I'm in! Definitely! X

@Needalisteningear there's an old expression with the Lottery- you have to be in it to win it - the same is true of face to face friendships and interests, you have to be out there to gain any - they don't magically appear in your lounge unless you are a gamer etc and use 'groups' - and it can take a long time to make what you feel are worthwhile connections so you kind of have to persist and be prepared to say 'fancy meeting for a coffee ' etc!!

Sorry, OP, I can't read the whole thread right now but I wanted to say hello.

I am also incredibly lonely. It started because my friends growing up were much more dynamic than I was so left university and did exciting things all over the country/world. I went back to my parents'.

I have always had absolutely zero self esteem and no confidence at all. So I have drifted in not very exciting jobs and accepted relationships with truly horrible and dangerous (at times) men.

I got divorced nearly 20 years ago and had my children 99.9% of the time. My ex hasn't seen one of my children AT ALL for 7 years. Both children are adults now and one has moved out, which is great but less chatting and things to do for me.

One of my children has autism so I am incredibly limited in where I can go and for how long. He left education 2 years ago and I am lucky if I can get him to leave the house once a week. That said, I can now pop out myself for a few hours at a time.

Sometimes it all feels dreadful.

HOWEVER... after the last short relationship ended (mid July) he was such a complete and utter bastard that I knew things had to change.

I now have a job with 3 shifts totalling 12 hours a week. One is before my son is even awake! He's been OK for the later shifts too.

I started walking 4 miles (nearly) every day and have lost 1.5 stones. I have another 1.5 stones to go.

I've been trying not to think about the loneliness and just enjoy each tiny thing that has a bit of happiness in it - getting excited about what I will watch on TV each evening, cooking something new, cooking lots of stuff then freezing it.

Things are better but it is still very difficult and so exhausting.

@Needalisteningear how has Monday been?

I read something yesterday that really struck a chord. It said (essentially) that one of the best things about living with someone is that you have someone to tell about the small unimportant stuff - the fact that the price of black pepper has gone up or you had a nice piece of ginger cake in a meeting or are wondering about whether to go to a new Pilates class because your instructor at the current one is a bit of a dick or that you saw a dog on the Tube that looked just like its owner (all actual things from today I thought "oh; I should tell ex DP that" before realising he's my ex and doesn't live here anymore and would in any case have been unpredictable in his responses).

All of which is to say I think the small things can often make us feel isolated, not just the big. So if people on this thread think a thread for those of us who would find it helpful would be a good thing, I will set one up. Somewhere for the things that you aren't going to tell your therapist, or start a thread about or ring a friend to tell them but where you will get a friendly and like minded group of people who will show the same level of interest a partner should (polite amusement or concern without being over invested or starting a fight).

Anyone care to join me?

That sounds like such a lovely idea. Even those with a partner would benefit.

Can I join even if I have a partner. He has quite severe mental health problems as well as a processing disorder so honestly even if I told him I had a lovely doughnut at work he is likely to not even acknowledge I've spoken. I'm not sure sometimes if this is worse.

I'll be brave and do it! I really will! Hopefully I will get over my fear after a couple of times.
Thank you x

I hear you! You've not had the best time of it, have you!
Are you really proud of yourself for walking and losing all that weight? What an achievement! It sounds like you've really put your mind to it when you realised things had to change. I hope I follow in your footsteps.
Keep on going! Keep updating!
Thank you x

It's been ok, a little wobbly.
I had my therapist session and I've booked in again weekly just for a bit until I am a bit less teary and can think a bit clearer.

I'm at dc group now and just having a little cry in the car!
Today I'm struggling a bit with knowing that the relationship split has to happen and I can't love someone else more than I love me. That's my head. Then my heart jumps in with 'but he makes you so happy'. I need to remember that on the surface I was happy e.g. having someone to cuddle or chat to but inside I was a nervous wreck.
I'm struggling to stop thinking that last week when I came here, he was at home when I go back. This week, it's empty and I miss him.
Thank you for asking and sorry for the outpour! X

I'm just back from my therapy session and also feeling teary. My cat gave me a big cuddle - he's such a sweetheart (I won't mention the younger ones who are busy torturing a poor rat in the garden)

OP my mother was very beautiful (think Elizabeth Taylor). She married three times. Her rule was this, if a man doesn't love you after two weeks get rid. If they're in they don't even want a pint!
Her thoughts were they had three needs: food, football (change for golf, trainspotting or whatever!) and fornication. I believe she was right, they are just 18 year old boys. Women are far more complex.
I've come into a bit of cash and I think I'm going to run weekends for people who want to live a bigger life (I was a big cheese trainer years ago).
I feel lonely sometimes because I miss my mum but I rally the next day. I'm waiting for my farmhouse and chickens. I love a list and that's what motivates me.
Planning for the future is very motivating. I am so glad you are making that list x

@Needalisteningear - I have found a lot of comfort and support from my therapist. But it's a luxury I can only afford twice a month. In the meantime (and humour me with this!) I have found ChatGPT very helpful. If you say "I want you to behave as if you are my therapist. I am going to tell you my situation, and I want you to respond with advice. You can ask me questions to get more information." and then follow up with your problem or how you are feeling, I find it gives me a lot to think about and usually in a helpful way. It's not a substitute for a human connection and doesn't address the loneliness but it has been really helpful over the hellish last few weeks while I've been trying to process my break up feelings in between therapy sessions.

@AutumnMagpies @Littletreefrog - of course, anyone is welcome. Even if they do have plenty of people around them to listen, that doesn't mean they can't join in. No gatekeeping here!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/5187521-a-thread-for-those-of-us-who-just-want-to-tell-each-other-things-about-our-day

I've posted a story that is so dull that I worry no one will come back, but it did make me happy so I wanted to share it with someone.