Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

[Needalisteningear]

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

Not long now until the spooky season!
How are you feeling? Try not to worry, easier said than done. But don't go to Dr google 😝

That's good, so much going around that you don't m.ie what it is! X

Much better today. I took myself to a lunch with a good friend. I had to drive for an hour each way but better than going into London.

Oh good! What did you have? I love hearing about food 🤣

I had seabass with almonds and salad. Followed by a chocolate and raspberry torte. I'm not a pudding person but the presentation was amazing. The mousse light and airy. Not too much.

It is!!
Lots ticked off, adding little easy to complete stuff too to make me feel like I'm achieving

Good morning. I'm still here. I had a couple of full days trying to get approved for wl jabs. I have autoimmune conditions that can apparently be helped (along with excess weight). I wanted to make sure it was going to be safe for me.
Lots of messages to answer plus doctors to talk to.
I hope everyone is OK?

Happy Friday everyone!
I hope you're all good! I'm still here, just trying to put my phone down a bit and think about me, rather than thinking every tiktok video relates to me 🤣
I've had a good week. As expected, I had a social media request off HIM! Cheeky beggar!
I'm doing ok, just still working out and just enjoying having less anxiety!

Went to the taster session at the rock choir @Needalisteningear
It was quite nice and friendly but did remind of school a bit. Not sure it's for me. There doing Christmas songs all through November then stop for 6 weeks so not quite what I wanted.

Is it the exercise that you think is helping with your anxiety?

I've had it so badly this past two weeks😞

Wasn't it what you expected? Was it funny? You wanted to sing Christmas songs! How about a carol service nearer the time?
I think the exercise is just generally helping in my wellbeing, so yes I suppose it is helping my mental health. I listen to really upbeat music a lot now and I'm cleaning, singing and dancing now! Also lots of fresh air. Currently trying to learn the words for 'get tipsy' 🤣 Just had a bath, put my feet in lavendar moisturising boots (BnMs 🥰) and done a lovely skincare routine!
I'm ot sure what has helped me so much. I've. watched a million reels on social media about strength, written (and still writing) my life story and trying to work things out. I also listen to a meditation to go to sleep with. I've blocked everything and everyone related and I'm slowly starting to get to grips with things. There's a lot more going on without the relationship issues but I can't do anything about those. The only thing I can do, is me 🥰

Mmmm. That sounds just lush. I'm glad you enjoyed your pudding, it's a must have for me!

Yay! Well dine! How are you feeling x

I would just like to say something. This thread is bloody awesome!

You lot are friggin queens!

Incredibly outting to share why but I really need a good old Mumsnet handhold!

Handhold here. X

Do you want some advice?

Not at the moment to be honest a handhold is appreciated though x

Always here! Change some bits if you want or dm me. Huge handhold and hugs x

Thank you doll x

Posted earlier in the thread . Seems like you are making some progress Op .

Just thought I'd post as having a bit of a wobble today . Finding it tough as my ex is moving on with life without a care in the world . He helps a bit , but the bulk of the childcare is down to me .
He has a big family and a good friend network .
Whilst I have friends , they are all busy with childcare / family commitments and I am feeling very alone . I don't have much family around. I think I resent that although he is the one that behaved badly everyone seems to be rallying around him .

That sounds really tough, @imfae.

Thanks x

@imfae It might just be your perception of the situation rather than reality particularly if he behaved badly. The big advantage of being the one with the children most and doing most for them, is that they know that as they grow up. It's you they'll have the close relationship with, the one they'll turn to and wants as a close gp. You reap what you sow and it doesn't sound as though he's sowing much.

Hi, Sorrt it's been a while. How are you feeling now? It's hard to get your head around things but I really, really promise that you will! Sending lots of hugs xxx

Happy Bonfire Night everyone!
What are you all upto tonight? Any bonfire plans? My dog is scared of fireworks so I always sit in with him. I live high over a city in one direction and countryside the other direction so we can see lots from the warmth and comfort of my sofa!
Still doing ok, have down moments but I'm learning how to sit with it and roll with it! Therapy has been a big help. I've started Christmas shopping and organised my plans for Christmas day. I have been for long walks, exercising and signed up to an exercise class. I'm also starting swimming with a neighbour. And I have booked a riding lesson (I have always ridden and had my own horses when younger, but when I have a confidence crash, my confidence for riding disappears too). I've started decorating my kitchen and learnt to tile! Just the cupboard doors to finish undercoating then it's top coats, woodwork and walls!
Feeling ok a lot of the time and keeping upbeat. I'm going out out on Saturday night that I have bought a ticket for... life's not as bad as thought.

The one thing I'm really struggling with is returning to work. Ideally I would like to include a new job with my fresh start but it's few and far between! X