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Original poster

Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

404 replies

Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 19:52

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:31

Littletreefrog · 13/10/2024 07:31

Good morning @Needalisteningear how are you feeling this morning? I had to stop reading last night has had to be up at 6am this morning but seems like you had a lot of people to talk to.

I'm still feeling a bit lost but I am overwhelmed with this post!
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I will do a separate post once I've replied to everyone individually! 6am is early for a Sunday! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:36

Nannyfannybanny · 13/10/2024 08:05

I can see a "lightening" in your posts, you are very kind, I always think it must be far worse for elderly single folk with no dks. What sort of job did you do? Yes, I think a choir would be great fun. I joined a well known gardening forum online,met some great local people, one turned into a friendship,we met, clicked and chatted for 4 hours as though we had known each other for ever. I was nursing,my lovely DM was suddenly dying in the hospital where I worked! 64, bowel cancer,her GP did nothing,no tests, inspite of the fact her aunt had it,her brother died in his 30s, he was actually a porter in the hospital and died in 48 hours. The following year my ex H tried to kill me, house repossessed by building society (he had already told me the previous year,on getting very drunk I was his only female sexual partner,he only married me as a respectable front for his middle class family) told the hospital where to stick their job. I wasn't on contracted hours,it was Nurse bank then, now temporary workforce. Went back to office work,met second DH, his DF had just died and he was in a messy will issue with his dad's second wife. We became an item,had a baby, his first,at 41,by the skin of my teeth, menopause the following year,that was 35 years ago, celebrated our silver wedding anniversary this year.

What a lovely story to come out of some really hard times! Your story sounds awful, you must be a really strong person!
I work customer facing, I love chatting to people about their lives. I have realised that I gloss over a lot in my life that I am embarrassed to tell. I think I try and convince myself that I'm happy!
I have so many fantastic ideas from everybody and I'm going to try each and every one of them. Even if it is just to get me through my recovery! Thank you so much for your post to me x

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:37

Thursdaygirl · 13/10/2024 08:19

Good morning OP!

You should definitely join a choir, my choir is great fun and keeps me busy

Edited

I am going to! I love singing although I'm not sure I'm very good at it. If I join soon, maybe I could sing Christmas carols with them!
I'm glad you enjoy your choir, I hope to have an update that I enjoy mine!
Thank you so much x

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:40

Aspecialplaceinhell · 13/10/2024 08:35

I hate my hair!
It never seems to 'do' anything it's not wavy but not straight and no matter the hair cut and expense I go to fly aways are the bane of my life!
I would love a really beautiful autumnal inspired by pumpkin spiced colour with Kate Middleton's healthy hair!
You?

Show quote history

I have the same hair. It's not straight, it's not curly or wavy, it's just frizz. I'm jealous of people who eake up and their hair is ready to go!
I would love long, caramel blonde and wavy! I'm in my 30s and nearly fully grey so I dye it and I look like a badger for three weeks out of every month 🙄 x

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:46

Mrsredlipstick · 13/10/2024 09:03

Good morning @Needalisteningear
I hope you had a good sleep.
I've already had porridge.
I'm envious of you being so close to the sea. Definitely join a cold water swimming club. One of my friends does it and she is as happy as Larry.
I'm also an ex chorister so I love singing. Find somewhere that you like the feel of. If you can read music they will love you even more!
Im buying a farmhouse in the spring and having chickens. My paternal grandfather was a diary farmer and this is the same but without the cows. Should have good soil though from the cow muck.
Do you garden? If not there might be a gardening collective near year.
You identified three talents yesterday, painting, singing and swimming. Start with those.
Today is a new day. The past is the past and we don't live there.
I bought my DD a t shirt from TK Max, it said 'choose love'. It brought a tear to my eye. It's a good sentiment to live by.

Edited

Hi, I did thanks, hope you slept well too!
I love porridge although food isn't appealing to me at the moment! Coffee and tea is! I will aim to eat something today.
I have moved slightly away now but in my old house I could see the sea from my windows and it was a 2 minute walk. It was beautiful. I can't read music although I can play Silent Night on a recorder?!
You will absolutely love your farmhouse I'm sure! I am from a farming family and I have inherited my part of the farm although some family are still there. It would be a dream to buy it!
I need to remember that the past is the past, I dwell far too much!
Thank you so much x

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:46

Binman · 13/10/2024 09:59

Have you looked to see if you have Rock Choir near where you live? Not too intimate and great fun.

No, I'm intrigued. What is a rock choir? X

OP posts:
imfae · 13/10/2024 10:50

Hi , I hope that whilst you may be feeling lonely OP you realise that you aren't alone in this and as you have read in the replies a lot of us have similar issues . Unfortunately you seem to really have a few ongoing at the same time , which is why I think it is overwhelming for you just now .

That is very kind of you to ask how I am doing when you are feeling so overwhelmed yourself .

I am doing ok . I also have a cat purring away on me and I 'm psyching myself to get out of bed and get on with things that need doing .

I think it is normal when you have recently come out of a relationship to look back and think ah maybe it wasn't so bad after all . I am at the stage where although it isn't completely raw it is still difficult . When you have kids and so many shared memories there are all these little reminders of happier times .

I think you realise that your relationship wasn't great and you have also said you were ; " blindsided " . So it doesn't sound that it was a completely joint decision which is difficult . It may be that your partner had been thinking of this for a while but for you it came out of the blue .

Don't put all the blame on you for the breakup . If the relationship wasn't working that is on both of you . But I also know and I think you may be in the same position that I tried my best too , but I wasn't perfect . None of us are .

I am glad that you are getting therapy and I think you also posted that you were signed off work . Take this time to work on you .

I have a few years on you and I would say that as someone older ( but probably not much wiser !) that if you are in your thirties you have so much more left of your life and lots of happiness ahead for you and your family xxx

Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:52

TriangleSquareFringe · 13/10/2024 10:22

Hope you managed to sleep okay. I bloody fell asleep haha.
It was my birthday and I felt a bit lonely so you actually helped me a lot too @Needalisteningear. I didn't mention that it was as I didn't want to derail or take the focus off how you were feeling. My point being you helped me too! What are your plans for today? I'm off for a walk I think 💐

Happy Birthday!
I'm sorry you were feeling that way but absolutely derail! It's lovely to hear that it helped someone else! Did you have a nice day?
I'm just treating myself to a cup of tea in bed watching the kittens and I resolve to do a couple of jobs that need doing. I'm just going to get it done and not think about it!
I really hope you enjoy your walk, come back and tell me how it went! I'd love to hear and keep this thread going!
Sending a huge birthday hug x

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 11:00

imfae · 13/10/2024 10:50

Hi , I hope that whilst you may be feeling lonely OP you realise that you aren't alone in this and as you have read in the replies a lot of us have similar issues . Unfortunately you seem to really have a few ongoing at the same time , which is why I think it is overwhelming for you just now .

That is very kind of you to ask how I am doing when you are feeling so overwhelmed yourself .

I am doing ok . I also have a cat purring away on me and I 'm psyching myself to get out of bed and get on with things that need doing .

I think it is normal when you have recently come out of a relationship to look back and think ah maybe it wasn't so bad after all . I am at the stage where although it isn't completely raw it is still difficult . When you have kids and so many shared memories there are all these little reminders of happier times .

I think you realise that your relationship wasn't great and you have also said you were ; " blindsided " . So it doesn't sound that it was a completely joint decision which is difficult . It may be that your partner had been thinking of this for a while but for you it came out of the blue .

Don't put all the blame on you for the breakup . If the relationship wasn't working that is on both of you . But I also know and I think you may be in the same position that I tried my best too , but I wasn't perfect . None of us are .

I am glad that you are getting therapy and I think you also posted that you were signed off work . Take this time to work on you .

I have a few years on you and I would say that as someone older ( but probably not much wiser !) that if you are in your thirties you have so much more left of your life and lots of happiness ahead for you and your family xxx

If this thread helps anyone else, it is fantastic! I'm overwhelmed by the people on MN!

I wasn't perfect, no. I just wish I knew and possibly had the chance to rectify. However, it's his choice too and there's nothing I would try and say to change his mind. The problem is that this has happened more than once and going off past, in a few weeks he'll try and get back. Whether he does or doesn't, I have to remain truthful to myself that it isn't the right relationship and that I wasn't improving or growing as a person and I was just going further downhill. I realise that but need to remember it qnd continue realising it and not go backwards!

O am in the same place trying to keep my cup of tea safe from the kittens who seem to be practising taking off from cupboards onto me 😳

I feel old, I genuinely do. Once I find my love for life, maybe I will feel younger. Thank you so much x

OP posts:
imfae · 13/10/2024 11:01

For the "badger " root effects I use colour wow root powder . It 's usually about £20/£25 but lasts for months . It means I can eke out my trips to the hairdresser . They haven't got a great range of colours and I have also found that the colours are quite dark . Others I know use the sprays .

Clytemnestra21 · 13/10/2024 11:07

Hi OP, how are you feeling today?

I know how much loneliness hurts. I'm sorry you lost your mum, that must be so hard. When do your children get back?

Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 11:15

Now that I have replied to everyone individually (sorry if I haven't, I've tried keeping up!), I would like to say a huge thank you to all of you who have taken the time to reply to me.

These last few days and especially last night, I've struggled. I used to be ashamed of admitting that but last night, you were my only choice. I started writing and it came out.
I am in awe of every single one of you!

I'm going to be honest now. Last night, you all pulled me back. And I am so grateful. Last night I couldn't see the wood for the trees and although I still feel down, I see a light now. I am ashamed of myself for thinking anything other than living was an option.

Today, I am going to get myself a new notebook and a journal. I am going to write every single thing down that has been suggested and in the coming weeks, months, years of recovery, I will do every single one of those.

If anyone wants to stick around on this thread, I would be more than grateful and I can keep it going. It may help others that are in the same situation, and it will help me see how far I am coming. And I'm going to go far!

This isn't the end for me!

Last night, I have never felt as lonely. I was driving around crying and I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm in a hard place but not half as hard as it was last night. My night went from crying and feeling desperate to smiling, and before I knew it, it was 1am! You all saved me and I am so grateful to you all. It was like a huge warm hug just taking me in and protecting me!

If you want to keep chatting, come along and join your own journey of change and improvement or see my updates on life, please do stay! If anyone needs to chat, I am always here.

Again, I am truly grateful for every single one of you lovely people. Last night you made me feel as though I had friends. You stopped me feeling so lonely and like I said, you all pulled me away from the edge. I was desperate.

I'm welling up typing this. You're all amazing human beings! You have done so much for me, you'll never know but please know, just one post and reply, you all saved me.

This thread will stay with me, always. Thank you, truly from the bottom of my heart x

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 11:20

imfae · 13/10/2024 11:01

For the "badger " root effects I use colour wow root powder . It 's usually about £20/£25 but lasts for months . It means I can eke out my trips to the hairdresser . They haven't got a great range of colours and I have also found that the colours are quite dark . Others I know use the sprays .

Will definitely look at that as it's really annoying having to fully dye it for a few mm of grey! Thanks! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 11:23

Clytemnestra21 · 13/10/2024 11:07

Hi OP, how are you feeling today?

I know how much loneliness hurts. I'm sorry you lost your mum, that must be so hard. When do your children get back?

Hi! Determined to have a bit of a better day today! My dc will be home in about 4 hours and I'm very excited to see them!
Loneliness is the pits! It drags you down and down. Such a horrible feeling.
I hope you're feeling good! Thank you for posting x

OP posts:
AutumnMagpies · 13/10/2024 11:24

Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 11:15

Now that I have replied to everyone individually (sorry if I haven't, I've tried keeping up!), I would like to say a huge thank you to all of you who have taken the time to reply to me.

These last few days and especially last night, I've struggled. I used to be ashamed of admitting that but last night, you were my only choice. I started writing and it came out.
I am in awe of every single one of you!

I'm going to be honest now. Last night, you all pulled me back. And I am so grateful. Last night I couldn't see the wood for the trees and although I still feel down, I see a light now. I am ashamed of myself for thinking anything other than living was an option.

Today, I am going to get myself a new notebook and a journal. I am going to write every single thing down that has been suggested and in the coming weeks, months, years of recovery, I will do every single one of those.

If anyone wants to stick around on this thread, I would be more than grateful and I can keep it going. It may help others that are in the same situation, and it will help me see how far I am coming. And I'm going to go far!

This isn't the end for me!

Last night, I have never felt as lonely. I was driving around crying and I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm in a hard place but not half as hard as it was last night. My night went from crying and feeling desperate to smiling, and before I knew it, it was 1am! You all saved me and I am so grateful to you all. It was like a huge warm hug just taking me in and protecting me!

If you want to keep chatting, come along and join your own journey of change and improvement or see my updates on life, please do stay! If anyone needs to chat, I am always here.

Again, I am truly grateful for every single one of you lovely people. Last night you made me feel as though I had friends. You stopped me feeling so lonely and like I said, you all pulled me away from the edge. I was desperate.

I'm welling up typing this. You're all amazing human beings! You have done so much for me, you'll never know but please know, just one post and reply, you all saved me.

This thread will stay with me, always. Thank you, truly from the bottom of my heart x

Bless you. We are all here for you. This has been such an inspiring and heartwarming thread. I’m so glad you’re feeling a bit better today . Well done you for deciding to make some chages and take action. Just one step at a time. Look at your kittens and see how they live life joyfully, without fear or the future or baggage. Let them bring you joy and love . Xx

Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 11:33

AutumnMagpies · 13/10/2024 11:24

Bless you. We are all here for you. This has been such an inspiring and heartwarming thread. I’m so glad you’re feeling a bit better today . Well done you for deciding to make some chages and take action. Just one step at a time. Look at your kittens and see how they live life joyfully, without fear or the future or baggage. Let them bring you joy and love . Xx

Edited
Show quote history

You may not be here in person but hell fire, it was a huge shock to see that many replies! You're all so lovely and strong and willing to help another mum out in her time of need! You're right, it's really heartwarming!
I will definitely use that going forward, to look at how animals, people live life so differently and worry free!
I am a huge, huge worrier, it is a downfall of mine and it makes me insecure. I am going to be brave and really make a change in life.
Thank you so much x

OP posts:
Binman · 13/10/2024 11:46

rockchoir.com/ a community choir where it doesn't matter if you can sing.

And you need to motivate yourself self to have a shower today if only to practice peeing in it 🚿

Thursdaygirl · 13/10/2024 11:59

And you need to motivate yourself self to have a shower today if only to practice peeing in it 🚿

Love this!

Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 11:59

Binman · 13/10/2024 11:46

rockchoir.com/ a community choir where it doesn't matter if you can sing.

And you need to motivate yourself self to have a shower today if only to practice peeing in it 🚿

This made me laugh. That's it then, I'm doing a first today! Peeing in the shower 🤣

Choirs for people who can't sing sound fantastic! That will be great to hear! X

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/10/2024 13:02

Hope you are feeling a bit better OP. I lost my lovely mum around this time of year and even though it’s a long time ago I always feel a bit sad. I do miss her. Sometimes us girls need our mum. I’m not a girl I am a good 20 years older than you.
Expression is the opposite of depression. Remember that.
So I have a friend who is very creative who makes films and is very successful at it. I can remember his first few years he struggled, everything was done with no budget. I read a great interview with him recently and he said the best advice he ever received was as to embrace that he is a film maker. Saying well I’m not an experienced one or not good at it - bin that!
So you paint. You are a painter.
You can sing. Get singing.
If you feel like a bit of support, you need support. Samaritans won’t tell you that aren’t suffering enough and put the phone down. You matter.
These little changes in how you talk to yourself matter.
And finally -hair! I spent a fortune before lockdown but discovered Josh Wood Hair Colour - mine needs doing every three weeks so I do it myself.
It’s mad isn’t it that so many of us feel lonely but don’t know what to do about it. Then if you reach out other people feel the same, for so many reasons.

NPET · 13/10/2024 13:02

Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 01:32

Your reply made me smile, thank you!
Did you not have to really put some effort into concentrating on peeing stood up? It's on my bucket list 🤣
Who on earth invented a game about money 😆
Was that an Enid Blyton book? I vaguely remember it!
I have considered it but feel a bit selfish as people are going through losing people right now. It's horrific.
I wish she was here but I do have everything she taught me, thank you so much x

Show quote history

Have to comment on "my kind of subject"! At junior school I and my bff (at the time!) used to play at the school as her dad was the caretaker. So we'd go everywhere including that holy grail - the boys toilets! Within about a fortnight, we'd "mistressed" using urinals, by - well I won't go into it, I'm embarrassing myself enough. If you want to hear any more just ask ....!!

NPET · 13/10/2024 13:09

Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 10:20

Any type of chat is very welcome! And I'm so grateful to you all! Thank you so much for replying! Age means nothing! I'm in my 30s, and haven't got my life sorted in any way, shape or form!
Thank you, so much x

Show quote history

Thx for replying. I'm quite prepared to put 1 of my email addys on here for you but I presume I can dm you on mn anyway. But don't worry - you don't have to answer me whether it does or doesn't work.
Just done a reply elsewhere on this thread cos y'all talking about using urinals. I'm the expert at that 😀!
My name is Sian btw.

Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 13:09

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/10/2024 13:02

Hope you are feeling a bit better OP. I lost my lovely mum around this time of year and even though it’s a long time ago I always feel a bit sad. I do miss her. Sometimes us girls need our mum. I’m not a girl I am a good 20 years older than you.
Expression is the opposite of depression. Remember that.
So I have a friend who is very creative who makes films and is very successful at it. I can remember his first few years he struggled, everything was done with no budget. I read a great interview with him recently and he said the best advice he ever received was as to embrace that he is a film maker. Saying well I’m not an experienced one or not good at it - bin that!
So you paint. You are a painter.
You can sing. Get singing.
If you feel like a bit of support, you need support. Samaritans won’t tell you that aren’t suffering enough and put the phone down. You matter.
These little changes in how you talk to yourself matter.
And finally -hair! I spent a fortune before lockdown but discovered Josh Wood Hair Colour - mine needs doing every three weeks so I do it myself.
It’s mad isn’t it that so many of us feel lonely but don’t know what to do about it. Then if you reach out other people feel the same, for so many reasons.

Edited

I am. This thread has made me realise a lot! I'd love this thread to go on and on and I will remember every single one of you in time to come! I described it as being taken in a huge warm hug. I will try and hug other people on here too!
Ah yes, every girl needs her mum! I'm lucky to have had mine for as long as I have done. I wish it was longer but I have her right by me in memories.
Well done to your friend, I wish I had that in me. Hopefully one day I won't be as scared and I will be achieving everything I want to, whether it is successful or not. I want to enjoy doing things!
I will try the hair dye... I wish I had never started dying it, ever! If only I could go back in time 😂 x

OP posts:
Clytemnestra21 · 13/10/2024 13:11

I can't wait to read this thread in full. OP I'm so glad you're feeling better. Small kindnesses can mean the world when we feel really really down

Original poster
Needalisteningear · 13/10/2024 13:12

NPET · 13/10/2024 13:02

Have to comment on "my kind of subject"! At junior school I and my bff (at the time!) used to play at the school as her dad was the caretaker. So we'd go everywhere including that holy grail - the boys toilets! Within about a fortnight, we'd "mistressed" using urinals, by - well I won't go into it, I'm embarrassing myself enough. If you want to hear any more just ask ....!!

Show quote history

I'm asking! 🤣

Today I am going to pee stood up! If we're going down embarrassing stories, when I was about 8 ish, I found my mums tampons. Read the leaflet, thought that mum uses them, why shouldn't I, and got it stuck up my bum 🤪

OP posts: