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Original poster

I can't stop thinking

938 replies

Criminy · 08/03/2015 14:16

I've name changed from my usual name for this.

I can't stop thinking about killing myself. It's all I can think about. It feels like a compulsion.

I've tried looking at various webpages, but they just don't seem to work for my situation. They talk about suicide being a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", as apparently depression is a temporary problem. Well it doesn't seem to be a temporary problem for me, & I can't remember a time when I felt better. And the advice to think of something you like doing/think back to a time when you were happy is just rubbish because there isn't anything I enjoy doing & I can't think of a time I didn't feel like this. All I can think of is suicide. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 21:29

Your DH doesn't drive a Ford Focus, does he? Apparently bassists tend to.

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MrsEvadneCake · 15/03/2015 21:33

I'd love to play piano.

Thank you! I have the lunch club so it has to be quick and fun.

No we are a peugoet family. Although he has an old 60's car lurking on the drive to sell and wants a different car.

Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 21:45

I don't play piano very well, taught myself.

We have a 1960s BMW car in the garage. It's DH's boss' & has been there for I think 4 years. It's next to my beloved MR2.

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Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 21:46

We're selling a 58 plate Ford Focus if he's interested! Wink

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LammilyDoll · 15/03/2015 21:46

Ford Focus here, but totally non-musical.
I bet our hobbies take up more room than your hobbies, though!

Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 21:50

Ooh, Lammily that sounds intriguing!

We currently have 4 cars on our property but only 1 driving license!

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MrsEvadneCake · 15/03/2015 21:51

Criminy I'll pass! Grin I've just googled MR2. Very nice! I've got a partner combi. Sliding doors mom bus. It is a quicksilver edition so does have cool seats!

What do you do Lammily?

LammilyDoll · 15/03/2015 21:57

Only mountain-biking and white-water canoeing these days, but previously sky-diving and caving.
And I have a Smart Car. And yes, I can fit a bike inside!!!

Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 21:59

Practical mom bus sounds very useful. My MR2 (1996 10th anniversary limited edition) is just sat in the garage, hasn't moved for a while now. I can't bear to get rid of it! I used to have a volvo v50 as my everyday car til I lost my licence. DH has just traded it in & bought a new volvo v60.

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Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 22:01

"Only" Lammmily? Where do you put the canoe?!

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LammilyDoll · 15/03/2015 22:03

Actually, we have a couple of inflatables, but I've never tried putting one in the Smart.

MummySparkle · 15/03/2015 22:06

I'd love a focus. However I think we're opposite ends of the country, so that wouldn't wor out. I have a fiesta. Once ots got the buggy, kids car seats and enough changes of clothes go every possible eventuality, my shopping has to go on the front seat!!

Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 22:06

Ooh, I've never heard of inflatable canoes before. Good idea though!

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LammilyDoll · 15/03/2015 22:09

All those photos of beautiful countryside has given me a need to get out there tomorrow, so I'll not be using my phone during the day. Back online in the evening though.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night. LDx

Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 22:10

Sounds like a nice day Lammily, have a lovely time x

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MrsEvadneCake · 15/03/2015 22:26

Wow Lammily. Very cool!
Enjoy your day tomorrow. x

Mummy I had a fiesta briefly when my car got damaged. I loved it. But the boot was not great.

Criminy my DH would like a Volvo. Lots of boot for his amps!

Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 22:32

I had a Citroen c1 for a while. My shopping went on the front seat, in the passenger footwell, on the spare rear seat, hanging from the back of seats...

When we went to look at new cars we had to take the bloody amps with us so DH could check they'd fit in the boot!

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MrsEvadneCake · 15/03/2015 22:37

At least I haven't had to do that!

MrsEvadneCake · 15/03/2015 22:48

Wish I could spend the day outside tomorrow. I love my job, but a day doing nothing by trees would be fabulous.

Original poster
Criminy · 15/03/2015 22:48

I'm off to bed now, as per plan.

Thankyou everyone for being so supportive, I really didn't think I'd still be here now, & don't think I would be if it weren't for you all FlowersFlowersFlowers

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MrsEvadneCake · 15/03/2015 22:52

I hope you sleep Criminy. You're doing great with your plan.

See you in the morning x

Queenofknickers · 15/03/2015 23:00

Criminy you are doing SO well. I've been having a major depressive episode and reading this tread is giving me encouragement to keep going too. So thank you x

ChaiseLounger · 16/03/2015 05:01

I too have read and am saddened by how much you have to cope with.

Strong people can cope with alot. But there is only so much that anyone can cope with!

Ilikeafternoonnaps · 16/03/2015 06:24

Hi Criminy I have skim read most of this thread and you have so much going on Thanks

Are you aware though that lamotrigine can cause suicidal thoughts? You have said many times it feels like a compulsion. Honestly this is known side effect of many anti epileptics and lamotrigine is one of them (I have just started my ds on this med).

It could be adding to the feeling has anyone mentioned this?

MummySparkle · 16/03/2015 06:35

Morning Criminy.

Hope you've managed to sleep. Good luck with the Dr today. Remember to be honest about everything

Sending love Flowers