I can't stop thinking

[Criminy]

I've name changed from my usual name for this.

I can't stop thinking about killing myself. It's all I can think about. It feels like a compulsion.

I've tried looking at various webpages, but they just don't seem to work for my situation. They talk about suicide being a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", as apparently depression is a temporary problem. Well it doesn't seem to be a temporary problem for me, & I can't remember a time when I felt better. And the advice to think of something you like doing/think back to a time when you were happy is just rubbish because there isn't anything I enjoy doing & I can't think of a time I didn't feel like this. All I can think of is suicide. I don't know what to do.

Sorry predicted text rubbish, I did type therapist, maybe I got mixed up with my ologys and rapys and ists xxxx

Hope it all goes well with your appointment. Thinking of you

Hi Criminy and everyone hope all is well, keep thinking of you.

After your beautiful needlework, I got my knitting needles out, has been very therapeutic so thank you x

Therapy went really well today. Realised that I'm not useless at mindfulness & I do understand how to do it - I'm actually quite good at it!

Realised that I breathe very shallowly normally, which means my body is in an anxious state, so need to keep remembering to breathe deeper.

Realised that it would be a good idea to have a list of things to use to distract myself then & there - naming things in the room for letters of the alphabet; naming everything I can see that's blue, etc.

Realised that what the nurse did last night when I was in a right compulsive mess was great, and I should write an "advanced directive" for that situation based on what he did last night, because when it's happening I haven't a clue what to do to manage it.

Just wanted to share that!

What a lovely post, Criminy - that's so encouraging!
Have some of these pretty

It's so lovely to hear off you. So positive too. Well done for spotting what will help. Such a change from before. I breathe very shallowly. It is something I have to remember to try and change too. It does help me feel less anxious when I do.

Criminy, so pleased you have some strategies in place, they sound good, I may steal the ideas, and now I am listening to my breathing, hmm interesting, maybe why I go dizzy a lot! X

I'm sat in Costa (at the hospital), drinking a coffee by myself and thought I'd update. Things have been going broadly ok. I've had some very tough nights, and later this afternoon I have to see the tissue viability nurse to work out how they're going to treat my legs. But I'm still here, despite trying so hard not to be at times!

I'm better in the day, I'm now allowed anywhere on the whole hospital site, hence I'm now in Costa. Night-time still gets a bit hard sometimes. My lovely psychologist has come up with a list of "grounding techniques", to try and bring me back down when the urges get too bad.

So I'm still here!

Thank you for thinking of us, Criminy. Lots of us think of you everyday, even if we don't post. You have made fantastic progress since you started this thread. You are an amazing lady! LDx

Criminy, so pleased to hear your strategies are working, nights are tough if you are not asleep, I hope the nights calm down soon, glad you have the whole hospital, freedom with a 'Costa' brilliant! How is the needlework going?

Is there somewhere pleasant to sit outside, Criminy?
Not that I enjoy this warm weather . . . (I prefer autumn)

Really pleased to see your update Criminy. Glad you are making progress with your therapy.

Hi Criminy, just saying hello, thinking of you.