Mother and baby unit??

[martha2013]

Does anyone have any experience of such places? I'm 39+3 weeks pregnant with my very much planned and wanted second child. I have a diagnosis of bipolar and due to risks to baby have recently stopped my anti-psychotic. My psychiatrist thinks my mood is becoming high. I disagree. She is talking about mother and baby hospital after birth. I'm terrified and thinking of doing a runner!

[martha2013]

I have always tried to do what is best for both of them in all the decisions I make as I suppose that is all we can do. It makes me cry here immediately to think of my son asking his dad where I have gone, to not see their beautiful little faces again or see them grow up. I love them so much but this is too hard. I need a way out. Im thinking benzo od in bath but it is not a sure enough thing.

[SnapCackleFlop]

Martha, Have you started the new medication? You said recently that you had a few weeks of very elevated mood and were considering meds to deal with the very low mood that would probably follow. It sounds like you're having a very rough time and I hope the medication will work soon.

It's not fair that you have to deal with such terrible demons every day - is there anyone in RL who can offer support.

Take care, xxx.

[martha2013]

Yeah snap ive started a mood stabilizer following some haliperidol to get me down of the ceiling. Was pretty manic so its expected I will be on the floor now. I hope the meds start to have an effect soon. Im really struggling to cope with the baby. I am really scared of what I might do to myself.

[martha2013]

Need someome to take my baby. Just for a bit.

[SnapCackleFlop]

That sounds like a good idea - all of us need a break sometimes. Is there anyone you trust who could help?

[martha2013]

I am now admitted in the unit.

[blossom09]

Hope your admission goes well, and is short so that you are back home and close to all your family soon. I was saddened this week to hear that the MBU in Cardiff the only one in Wales is to close, the one in York closed a few years back- why does this happen- making it more difficult for families because of the distances they need to travel and what support is there available to help with the cost etc?

[martha2013]

Place seems lovely and relaxed although 90 mins from home. Still feeling the effects of my s attempt.

[working9while5]

Oh Martha. Have been wondering how you are but not on here much. So sorry you got to this stage of lowness. It's shit for all of you. I really hope the MBU supports and helps you heal. I have only attempted s once and I was very young. I can only imagine the black numbness that you've been feeling. I really hope the meds kick in fast for you. I hope you can still feel that love for your family somewhere. The worst time ever for me was when I lost that, it really makes it so unbearable. I hope rest and meds and support do it for you xxx

[SnapCackleFlop]

Really sorry you're going through this Martha. I so hope you get the medical support you so rightly deserve - I think the health service has let you down up until now and am sad it has come to this but hope that this is the big turning point when things improve and you can heal and get well. Thinking of you and sending hugs
(((((Martha)))))
x

[martha2013]

Am badly missing my husband and little boy who I havent seen since last week. Unit is very quiet and relaxed so am getting good rest but feeling overwhelming sad. Staff have commented on how unusual it is to have a mum with such a good bond on the ward but this makes me feel so guilty that despite my unquestionable love for my babies I still want to die.

[SnowyMouse]

Oh hugs martha

[SnapCackleFlop]

Glad you're getting a rest and that the staff and place is ok. I'm sure you must miss your children & dh very much. What are the visiting arrangements like? For what it's worth I don't think you want to die - I think these thoughts and feelings are symptoms of the illness and you don't 'want' them any more than anyone with any illness wants any symptoms (hope that makes sense!). The important thing is that you're doing everything possible to get well and get on with enjoying life.
x

[sleepingdragon]

Hi Martha, I was just thinking of you so thought I would pop on and say hi. I hope that things are still going well on the ward over the past few days
X

[martha2013]

Last appt ever today with my wonderful therapist. Unbearable that I will never see her again. Safety of being in hospital is helpful but I want my husband and a cuddle.

[ArtemisiaofCaria]

Have you told your therapist and hospital staff how you feel about her leaving?

[sleepingdragon]

hi Martha,

how are you? I hope you got that cuddle with your husband.

[martha2013]

Feeling reflective as its NYE so revisited this thread. Seems all a bit of a blur but I want to thank all the wonderful people who gave sound advice and loving support. Sadly I feel robbed of what should have been a magical year. My maternity leave finishes very soon and I am terrified of what is to come. Although I have been out of hospital a while I have not been well and I have little hope of overcoming this monstrous illness. Feel so alone with it all.

[Helpyourself]

Thank you so much for posting. I didn't post on your thread earlier in the year, but do know that this first year is a blur for everyone. I 'coped' fine and have very few memories! In moments of doubt just out one foot in front of another and smile at your little ones- whatever's going on inside it is your gentleness they'll remember.

[dontrunwithscissors]

It's good to hear how you're doing, martha, but I'm so sorry that things are still rough. I completely understand the feelings of being robbed of DC's babyhood. Even now, I look at women with their babies looking so happy, and I feel so jealous that I never had that with either DD.

It took me a couple of years to really get back on my feet after being in a mother and baby unit with number 2. I used to despair and think I would never be well again, but I did get there and you will, too.

Have you managed to get medication sorted?

[Zingazonga]

I am so jealous of you Martha. I ended up in normal adult ward for three months and baby had to go to grand parents who live hundreds miles away. Also I am not fine after discharged seven months ago. Baby, well now a toddler prefers her dad to me. I think I have lost the bond I had with her.

You should consider yourself lucky :). I am really bitter and angry.

[martha2013]

Zingazonga I am so sorry to hear what you have been through, I have spent many months in adult acute wards and know how devastating that can be. Must have been horrific to be away from your baby. However please don't say you are jealous of me, mental ill health has ruined my life and I find it to hear that I should feel lucky. I'm not sure the 'my situation is worse than yours a really helps anybody.

I am still bf but yes am taking a mood stabiliser and an antipsychotic, its hard to say if they are helping or not. My war on myself is currently manifesting itself as disordered eating, I don't feel I deserve to be nourished and have really punished myself over Christmas.

My cpn and her co worker have both been off for the last fortnight so unfortunately I am pretty unsupported as I prepare to return to work. I am not ready but need to financially. Everything in my head is screaming just run away.I am having lots of suicidal ideation, can't cope with this.

[ancientandmodern]

Martha I am so sorry to hear that things remain so hard for you. Is there any chance you can call your MH team and speak to someone? Going back to work after having a baby and maternity leave is a big step and you must feel overwhelmed - talking to someone outside the family could help.
You are fighting your illness so hard and I know it must be utterly draining. But I know you are doing your best for your children and they want and love their mother and need you. Please get help and let people in RL know how you are feeling.

[dontrunwithscissors]

Martha, I was in a similar situation to you when I returned to work. I went to my GP and she immediately signed me off work for a month (i.e. the sick leave kicked in the day I 'returned'). After that, I had a phased return starting with 1 day a week and building up my time across 5 weeks. I was still not fully ready at that point so I negotiated a 4 day week for 10 weeks by taking half the time as annual leave and half as unpaid leave.

I was lucky to have a good Occupational Health doctor supporting me and I get 100% pay on sick leave. Keep in mind that you're covered by the Disability Act (if you have declared you have bipolar). They have a duty to make 'reasonable adjustments.'

I'm not sure whether that's possible for you? I hope you're feeling better soon.