Mother and baby unit??

[martha2013]

Does anyone have any experience of such places? I'm 39+3 weeks pregnant with my very much planned and wanted second child. I have a diagnosis of bipolar and due to risks to baby have recently stopped my anti-psychotic. My psychiatrist thinks my mood is becoming high. I disagree. She is talking about mother and baby hospital after birth. I'm terrified and thinking of doing a runner!

[martha2013]

Its shit being at work, I can't concentrate and don't want to be there. Its shit at home too. I don't want to be anywhere. I am a cretinous waste of space. If only I could be brave enough to fix this.

[working9while5]

Generally telling people they are luckier than you were isn't a great idea Zinga though I say this very kindly and gently to you. It's still a pretty hard situation and Martha's not feeling amazingly well so it's sort of immaterial though I know it can be hard when you perceive others have benefited from support you would have liked to have accessed. It's just not very relevant right now.

Martha, sorry to hear you are still feeling so unwell. I so hoped it would be better for you now.

I was signed off for four months after the 52 weeks and I was feeling much more well than you say you feel now, and was never hospitalised. It doesn't sound to me that you are well enough to be back at work just yet, untrained as I may be. I wish you hope and a way out of this misery for 2014,

[martha2013]

I'm not sure why but that comment was hard to read. I suppose I am lucky in many ways and I feel guilty that I don't appreciate what I have got.
Thanks for the advice on returning to work. Financially I have no option but to return. I work for a small company and I am the only female,I already take a lot of slack for having taken maternity leave!

My cpn has tried to refer me to the eating disorders team but they don't take on anyone unless there bmi is under 14. So if anything this has re-enforced the idea that I am too fat, haven't managed to consume anything today. I wish I could just disappear.

[Zingazonga]

What I ment was that op was very lucky to get to mother&baby unit. I don't think it was insensitive. Places in those are rare and what I have read they offer much more support than common wards.

[dontrunwithscissors]

Martha, I hope you're managing and that the earlier comment hasn't bothered you too much. (I would have also felt it to be rather insensitive.)

[dontrunwithscissors]

Martha, I was in a similar situation to you when I returned to work. I went to my GP and she immediately signed me off work for a month (i.e. the sick leave kicked in the day I 'returned'). After that, I had a phased return starting with 1 day a week and building up my time across 5 weeks. I was still not fully ready at that point so I negotiated a 4 day week for 10 weeks by taking half the time as annual leave and half as unpaid leave.

I was lucky to have a good Occupational Health doctor supporting me and I get 100% pay on sick leave. Keep in mind that you're covered by the Disability Act (if you have declared you have bipolar). They have a duty to make 'reasonable adjustments.'

I'm not sure whether that's possible for you? I hope you're feeling better soon.

[ancientandmodern]

Martha I am so sorry to hear that things remain so hard for you. Is there any chance you can call your MH team and speak to someone? Going back to work after having a baby and maternity leave is a big step and you must feel overwhelmed - talking to someone outside the family could help.
You are fighting your illness so hard and I know it must be utterly draining. But I know you are doing your best for your children and they want and love their mother and need you. Please get help and let people in RL know how you are feeling.

[martha2013]

Zingazonga I am so sorry to hear what you have been through, I have spent many months in adult acute wards and know how devastating that can be. Must have been horrific to be away from your baby. However please don't say you are jealous of me, mental ill health has ruined my life and I find it to hear that I should feel lucky. I'm not sure the 'my situation is worse than yours a really helps anybody.

I am still bf but yes am taking a mood stabiliser and an antipsychotic, its hard to say if they are helping or not. My war on myself is currently manifesting itself as disordered eating, I don't feel I deserve to be nourished and have really punished myself over Christmas.

My cpn and her co worker have both been off for the last fortnight so unfortunately I am pretty unsupported as I prepare to return to work. I am not ready but need to financially. Everything in my head is screaming just run away.I am having lots of suicidal ideation, can't cope with this.

[Zingazonga]

I am so jealous of you Martha. I ended up in normal adult ward for three months and baby had to go to grand parents who live hundreds miles away. Also I am not fine after discharged seven months ago. Baby, well now a toddler prefers her dad to me. I think I have lost the bond I had with her.

You should consider yourself lucky :). I am really bitter and angry.

[dontrunwithscissors]

It's good to hear how you're doing, martha, but I'm so sorry that things are still rough. I completely understand the feelings of being robbed of DC's babyhood. Even now, I look at women with their babies looking so happy, and I feel so jealous that I never had that with either DD.

It took me a couple of years to really get back on my feet after being in a mother and baby unit with number 2. I used to despair and think I would never be well again, but I did get there and you will, too.

Have you managed to get medication sorted?

[Helpyourself]

Thank you so much for posting. I didn't post on your thread earlier in the year, but do know that this first year is a blur for everyone. I 'coped' fine and have very few memories! In moments of doubt just out one foot in front of another and smile at your little ones- whatever's going on inside it is your gentleness they'll remember.

[martha2013]

Feeling reflective as its NYE so revisited this thread. Seems all a bit of a blur but I want to thank all the wonderful people who gave sound advice and loving support. Sadly I feel robbed of what should have been a magical year. My maternity leave finishes very soon and I am terrified of what is to come. Although I have been out of hospital a while I have not been well and I have little hope of overcoming this monstrous illness. Feel so alone with it all.

[sleepingdragon]

hi Martha,

how are you? I hope you got that cuddle with your husband.

[ArtemisiaofCaria]

Have you told your therapist and hospital staff how you feel about her leaving?

[martha2013]

Last appt ever today with my wonderful therapist. Unbearable that I will never see her again. Safety of being in hospital is helpful but I want my husband and a cuddle.

[sleepingdragon]

Hi Martha, I was just thinking of you so thought I would pop on and say hi. I hope that things are still going well on the ward over the past few days
X

[SnapCackleFlop]

Glad you're getting a rest and that the staff and place is ok. I'm sure you must miss your children & dh very much. What are the visiting arrangements like? For what it's worth I don't think you want to die - I think these thoughts and feelings are symptoms of the illness and you don't 'want' them any more than anyone with any illness wants any symptoms (hope that makes sense!). The important thing is that you're doing everything possible to get well and get on with enjoying life.
x

[SnowyMouse]

Oh hugs martha

[martha2013]

Am badly missing my husband and little boy who I havent seen since last week. Unit is very quiet and relaxed so am getting good rest but feeling overwhelming sad. Staff have commented on how unusual it is to have a mum with such a good bond on the ward but this makes me feel so guilty that despite my unquestionable love for my babies I still want to die.

[SnapCackleFlop]

Really sorry you're going through this Martha. I so hope you get the medical support you so rightly deserve - I think the health service has let you down up until now and am sad it has come to this but hope that this is the big turning point when things improve and you can heal and get well. Thinking of you and sending hugs
(((((Martha)))))
x

[working9while5]

Oh Martha. Have been wondering how you are but not on here much. So sorry you got to this stage of lowness. It's shit for all of you. I really hope the MBU supports and helps you heal. I have only attempted s once and I was very young. I can only imagine the black numbness that you've been feeling. I really hope the meds kick in fast for you. I hope you can still feel that love for your family somewhere. The worst time ever for me was when I lost that, it really makes it so unbearable. I hope rest and meds and support do it for you xxx

[martha2013]

Place seems lovely and relaxed although 90 mins from home. Still feeling the effects of my s attempt.

[blossom09]

Hope your admission goes well, and is short so that you are back home and close to all your family soon. I was saddened this week to hear that the MBU in Cardiff the only one in Wales is to close, the one in York closed a few years back- why does this happen- making it more difficult for families because of the distances they need to travel and what support is there available to help with the cost etc?

[martha2013]

I am now admitted in the unit.