Mother and baby unit??

[martha2013]

Does anyone have any experience of such places? I'm 39+3 weeks pregnant with my very much planned and wanted second child. I have a diagnosis of bipolar and due to risks to baby have recently stopped my anti-psychotic. My psychiatrist thinks my mood is becoming high. I disagree. She is talking about mother and baby hospital after birth. I'm terrified and thinking of doing a runner!

Hope you are doing well Martha.

Have been thinking of you Martha, hope that you are managing okay at the moment.

Thank you. I think managing is a good word. I am getting through each day, meeting the needs of the children and my husband and looking after the house. I'm still having really horrible thoughts about the children dying but I think I am managing them better. Feels a bit like life is happening around me though and I am not quite here. Don't know if that is just tiredness.

Thanks for the clothes tip snap. I am struggling in the heat though, two tops is just too hot!

You sound like you are right where I was at at around this stage Martha, You're doing an amazing job. I've sent you a pm of some helpful things I've been working on in my PND group and have some other stuff I can share by email if you feel you need it, though it is early days and reading is probably a bit of an ask right now. Great to hear from you! The heat is really hard when you're already feeling slow and wading through treacle! x

Yes - definitely not the weather for two tops! Good when we have our usual climate though!

Hope you're looking after yourself in all this too. x

Considering dropping them off somewhere so they are safe and hurting myself. I'm not coping today.

(((( martha )))) Is there anyone you can talk to about how you're feeling?

Thanks snowy. There will be on Monday. I feel so much guilt. I am blessed with two gorgeous babies and all I can think of is hanging myself. I know the damage that would do to their little lives.

I'm sorry you don't have access to support at the weekend. Would you think about ringing your out of hours GP?

Is there any one with you Martha? Will your husband be home soon? Can you go for a rest on the sofa and let dcs watch video? Please phone someone you trust who can support you. xx

Hubby is home so I'm taking the baby out for a walk. It's not a rest but at least it's a bit of peace.

I keep telling myself that if I were to do it in the night, my son would find me and that would ruin his life. That is enough to make it not an option. It is so tiring fighting these thoughts all day though.

Hope you're getting a rest now. I'm glad you've posted again and that you're trying hard when things are so tough.

I which there was something I could say or do that would help. I think the advice and techniques which Working has mentioned sound helpful and worth trying. I really hope you will get the support and help that will help you cope with these horrible thoughts until they go away. Remember that they are not you and things will get better.

((Martha)) x

Awake at 4 am feeding little legs, discover the next sale is at 5. Been there with her at 5 and spent 300 quid I don't have on clothes for her. She literally won't even get one wear out of everything. What the fuck? Now I'm up I am up making flapjacks. Only 12 hours ago I was seeing if the handrail on the stairs would take my weight. What the hell is going on!

Can you take the clothes back? I think they give you seven days.

Can you get in touch with psych because you are cycling, could be meds? Or hormone shift, is she cluster feeding or have you dropped feeds? Find out about clothes, bet they can go back. If you can't take clothes back maybe you could sell on eBay or ask someone to do so for you?

Remember 'sane' people spend crazy amounts in that sale and I know several women who get up at 3am to queue for it, it sort of provokes strange behaviour in people who have never had elevated mood. Not minimising how you are feeling as I know it is different but try not to be too hard on yourself x

Martha, I checked the Next website and it says that goods can be returned in resaleable condition up to 28 days after buying with receipt help.next.co.uk/Section.aspx?ItemId=10775
When clicking on the exceptions link it states that Pierced earrings, food, alcohol or toiletries/grooming products and made-to-order goods cannot be returned. I think there should be no problem taking the things back if you hang on to your receipt - maybe someone else could do it for you if you can't face it?

I agree with Working that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think most parents in the UK have bought things that their child doesn't actually need but they feel they are caring for and valuing their child in doing it. It's difficult as it's the shops and banks who benefit from exploiting these feelings that we all have. The point is that the feelings of wanting to love and care for our children are good - just the guilt feelings and thinking they need tons of expensive stuff that's bad for us.

I promise your little one would be happiest with nothing on at all cuddled up with her mama!

Loads of people I know (including myself) have done things at strange hours at different times. I'd be more concerned about you getting the rest you need and looking after yourself properly.

You've been doing exceptionally well during a time that's very challenging for anyone and you've had the added burden of a difficult illness on top of it all. More than nice clothes or flapjacks your children will be happiest with a happy Mummy who's getting the help she needs to be well and enjoy them.

Thinking of you. x

Thank you. I will return the stuff tomorrow. It's still all inthe bags in the car. I've been non stop all weekend, got a bit tipsy at a kids bday party and probs made a fool of myself. I know this is not good. Hope I manage to slow down tonight.

Please don't worry about having a few drinks!

I've always tortured myself about things I've done that I feel so embarrassed about - some things from many years ago that I would still feel so horrible about. I'm trying to realise that no-one else even remembers these things and that everyone has things like this and most people manage to get on with things without crucifying themselves the way I usually do.

I'm trying to apply the same kindness and care that I would show to my children or a friend to myself. I hope you try to do this for yourself too because I know we'll look back at our lives otherwise and truly regret the amount of energy and time totally and utterly wasted on beating ourselves up for nothing.

Even if you did do something crazy like strip off all your clothes and run around nude and shrieking (and I'm fairly sure you didn't) look at all the famous people who've done really way out things and who have gone on with things and are now working and doing fine (the Brittney Spears for example - not that I'm suggesting we all take her as our role model but I do always remind myself of the very rough road she's been down and that she's now extremely successful with lots of work and doing great).

I'm not sure what's best to do when you feel very speedy like this. I'm sure other people will be able to offer good suggestions on how to handle these times but please go easy on yourself (we all have days when just getting through them is enough of an achievement).

x

How are you doing Martha?

My mood seems to be swinging rapidly from one extreme to the other. Feel a mess this morning after 2 hours running late last night. My baby girl is 2 months already and it just feels like that time has passed in a blur.

She has gone from the most placid content baby to a screamer this week which isn't helping. Nothing I do seems to settle her, I'm finding it really hard and school hols have started so have the big one with me all day everyday now too.

Organised some pills to od on. What the fuck am I doing?

Is there anyone you can talk with about it?

No I don't think there is anyone. I really just need to escape.