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Original poster

Mother and baby unit??

305 replies

martha2013 · 04/05/2013 19:19

Does anyone have any experience of such places? I'm 39+3 weeks pregnant with my very much planned and wanted second child. I have a diagnosis of bipolar and due to risks to baby have recently stopped my anti-psychotic. My psychiatrist thinks my mood is becoming high. I disagree. She is talking about mother and baby hospital after birth. I'm terrified and thinking of doing a runner!

OP posts:
YoniRanger · 22/07/2013 19:59

Martha please call your MH team, you need some RL help my love.

Original poster
martha2013 · 22/07/2013 20:15

I saw my cpn today and promised her I could keep myself and the children safe tonight. I have to keep going. If I contact crisis team now they will admit me. I have to keep trying.

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juicyfruit21 · 22/07/2013 20:20

Do you have any time for yourself? Take some hours off and meet friends etc. Baby can drink expressed milk or formula meanwhile.

EmmaGellerGreen · 22/07/2013 22:22

How are you doing Martha?

Original poster
martha2013 · 22/07/2013 22:53

I'm ok, thank you Emma. I have chemically calmed myself down but not overdosed, both chickens are asleep and I will be fine to feed little one when she wakes up. I think the desperation has passed for another day.

I know that I am judged by my family not on my successes but by how many times I have been down and got back up. However the last ten years have just been one battle after another. What is the point? Why try to get through another day? I inevitably will look back on my life as a failure. I have no career and no friends. I have made a difference to nobody. I have wasted my talents and opportunities and am lonely and miserable. How can I be a good parent when I'm such a poor role model. My beautiful children deserve special much more. I am sick of fighting suicidal thoughts one day and being manic and delusional the next. I don't know the way out of this.

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ancientandmodern · 23/07/2013 12:08

Have been lurking on your thread but didn't feel I could contribute until now. I am quite certain that you are not, as you suggest, a 'poor role model' or in any way a failure as a mother. On the contrary, you have two beautiful children who love you and who you love. You have always tried to put your children first (possibly at the expense of your own health) and have a lot of insight into what they need and how your behaviour may affect them.

I am the child of a parent with serious mental health problems, as is my husband (probably not a co-incidence). We are both in our fifties, with children ourselves, and are regarded by friends and family as doing just fine. I can tell you that your children don't want 'more' they want you. Please don't think they would be better off without you they most definitely would not.

My husband and I both feel that, while our childhoods were certainly 'different' in some areas, and our parents' behaviours were at times bewildering, frightening, inappropriate or just wrong, we still loved them and appreciated what they did for us and what they taught us, which includes acceptance that sometimes people's lives are incredibly difficult, but it is always possible to find a way through. If either of them had given up and that was a real possibility at times I don't think either of us would have recovered.

Original poster
martha2013 · 23/07/2013 20:54

Thank you so much for sharing that with me, ancient. It is a great comfort as all I hope is that my children can go on and live happy and ordinary lives. I don't want to give up.

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Original poster
martha2013 · 29/07/2013 09:13

Thinking of going in voluntarily today...I'm not managing anymore. Since my therapist told me she was pregnant on Friday, I have lost control.

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hummusbaby · 29/07/2013 10:05

Sounds good! Do they have places? Where I live there was none so I ended up in acute ward. I avoided sectioning by going informal.

Have you ever tried meds? My mood got up almost immediately the right one was started :)

SnapCackleFlop · 31/07/2013 00:15

Martha, I'm sorry that such a big and emotive change has happened with your therapist. I can appreciate that it could cause additional stress and the fact that she will be off work in the future for a long period of time must be difficult for you.

It sounds like you're in touch with yourself though. Is it possible to go to a unit voluntarily but only have to go part time (if that makes sense) - having said that perhaps a straight spell of having complete rest and focussing on getting yourself well might give you a great boost.

I hope things go well for you and your family. You deserve to be happy and well and to enjoy your family and your life. x

Original poster
martha2013 · 31/07/2013 00:38

It's kind of you to say that snap but I don't deserve happiness and I certainly don't deserve my beautiful babies.

There are no beds available at the two closest units so I'm back to not having a plan. My psychologist is undecided as to if she will come back. I'm so upset and overwhelmed by this.

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hummusbaby · 31/07/2013 10:30

Oh dear Martha...
You could start the medication and stop breastfeeding. Or alternatively try to get as much help as possible to take care of things like getting a cleaner, help with children. And of course put your name down on b&m unit waiting list.

I had that guilty feeling as well but now hindsight I think it was a bit obsessive. My "baby" is doing fine even though he got 9 months less breast milk than his brother (and was separated from me for a while)

I don't know what to say about your psychologist though, but I did get upset about other people being pregnant. I don't know why though, but that feeling has disappeared.

SnapCackleFlop · 21/08/2013 23:01

Martha, I've been thinking about you & hope things are ok. x

Original poster
martha2013 · 23/08/2013 07:59

Thank you snap. It is very kind of you.

I am not sure things will ever be o again. Think I just have to learn to cope with things being extreme!

My little girl is a delight though, she is so smiley and is constantly making the cutest little noises. I love them so much but its so hard trying to stay well.

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working9while5 · 05/09/2013 02:01

How are things Martha? Been thinking of you x

SnapCackleFlop · 15/09/2013 23:52

Martha, hope things are alright with you. I watched a very good TED talk and thought you might find it interesting
www.ted.com/talks/eleanor_longden_the_voices_in_my_head.html
Take care x

Original poster
martha2013 · 18/09/2013 23:21

Thanks working, I have finally agreed to go back on a mood stabillizer. Had a few weeks of very elevated mood and have totally exhausted myself. This seems the only strategy to prevent a low mood of equal proportion. I am still breastfeeding just trying not to worry.

Snap, I love TED talks. Will have a look at that now thanks x

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SnapCackleFlop · 19/09/2013 22:51

Hi Martha, I'm so glad you posted. I've been thinking about you and hope you are alright. It sounds likes you're doing a brilliant job despite the challenges of this horrible illness.

I think giving the medication a good go is the right thing to do. I think you would be hard pushed to find a breastfeeding mother who hasn't taken medication and some point (i've definitely taken medications when needed while breastfeeding).

I really hope this will help you avoid a low period as you've said. Take care. x

Original poster
martha2013 · 20/09/2013 12:41

Having a tough day. My little girl is under the weather and I cant cope with the relentless crying. Im so tired. Im thinking of a way out for me without the children being put in any danger.

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Original poster
martha2013 · 21/09/2013 21:02

Im feeling like suicide could be my way out. Have made an appt to sort my will. Am so tired and tired of being out of control.

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SnowyMouse · 21/09/2013 21:11

((((Martha)))) Can you tell anyone in real life how you are feeling?

Original poster
martha2013 · 21/09/2013 21:17

I wish someone could understand. I feel sick that my babies would have no mummy yet I still want an escape. I hate myself so much.

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Original poster
martha2013 · 21/09/2013 21:22

My therapist takes maternity leave in 2 weeks and I will never see her again. I cant cope with this. There is no hope.

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sleepingdragon · 21/09/2013 21:58

Hi Martha,
I just came across and read your thread. You sound like a great mum, going through a tough time at the moment. I don't have direct experience of being a parent, or of PND/bipolar, but a friend of mine at secondary school lived with her dad and mum, who was bipolar. She was one of the loveliest people I have ever met. As a family they had some tough times, but the love between them was beautiful to see and the good times plentiful too.

Being an autie while trying to conceive myself, I have taken the opportunity to learn as much as I can! The biggest lesson I have learnt is that I will need to accept as much help as possible when I have kids. I dont often post on mumsnet, but wanted to offer you a hand to hold. Have you got anyone in RL that you can ask for help too- mental health team, family, GP? Even help to arrange some childcare so you can have a break? If not I hope you find a route through this,and keep posting on mumsnet if you need support.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 21/09/2013 22:06

I just found this thread but you sound like such a loving mum. Is there anyone you can call who would remind you of that in real life? Or can you call samaritans?