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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Mental health

Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

999 replies

Fluffydressinggown · 14/01/2013 18:23

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

OP posts:

Report

SnowyMouse · 14/01/2013 20:43

Are you sure he's cross with you and not the situation?

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 14/01/2013 20:52

My GP visited me in the morning, rang Crisis Team who specified 'that afternoon' - not a time, just a time period. And they did turn up late that afternoon, and twas that evening I went in. It can be v tricky for CT to give exact times, the stuff to deal with is constantly changing, however I am sure you are one of their top priorities.

Fluffydressinggown · 14/01/2013 21:03

They rang and should be here soon.

I am known to the crisis team (they are on my CPA) but it is still scary :( I have had home treatment in March and July, prior to my previous admissions.

My husband is upset with everything, I am such a failure.

I have cut my leg, when they rang and said it wouldn't be 8 I knew it was a sign. I have not told my husband just patched it up and come back to watch TV. I might need stitches but I can't face anything tonight and they can;t stitch that bit of my leg because there are too many scars.

I am so confused.

OP posts:

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 14/01/2013 21:51

fluffy please tell your H This is not a burden to bear alone, and you aren't well... [hug]

ThatVikRinA22 · 14/01/2013 22:02

also please tell the crisis team when they arrive - i hope they have by now.

your wound will need treating.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/01/2013 22:08

Fluffy I hope you are getting help. Please don't hurt yourself.

I've been there. I've been well and stable for almost 5 years now. It is possible.

Iceaddict · 14/01/2013 22:10

Hope you are getting some help now, Wishing you all the best hope they help you. You are worth so much to your family

Iceaddict · 14/01/2013 22:18

Hope you are getting some help now, Wishing you all the best hope they help you. You are worth so much to your family

Sunnywithshowers · 14/01/2013 22:29

I hope you're getting help now fluffy. Big hugs to you xxx

Fluffydressinggown · 14/01/2013 22:57

Thank you for your kind words.

I am goinh to a&e and then into the.psych admissions unit. I am going.in informally.

I.am worried I will have.signs in the hospital but if.it is eant to be it will be ok.

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 14/01/2013 23:05

fluffy the signs are just telling you that you are ill and in need of more specialised help - it will be ok. but please do tell them when you get to hospital that you are seeing these signs and what they mean to you. and get your leg looked at sweetheart.

much love.

Mylittlepuds · 14/01/2013 23:24

Thinking of you x

Fluffydressinggown · 15/01/2013 04:38

I have stitches in my leg. In the hospitsl now, explained about the signs. Doctor said I am not psychotic but it.is my ocd going into overdrivemaking me see the signs which she says aren't reslly there. Very confused and tired.
Thanks for your support xx

OP posts:

KerryKetosis · 15/01/2013 05:00

goodnight fluffy, hope you can get some rest.

ripsishere · 15/01/2013 05:14

Just seen this in active convos.
I really hope you get the help that you need.
Sleep well if you can.

Iceaddict · 15/01/2013 07:42

Glad you posted again fluffy. You're doing amazingly well, like hearts said she did it and you can to, just take each hour as it comes, try to stop thinking about what will happen and focus on what is happening, You're safe and being cared for right now. I Hope you have a better day

SnowyMouse · 15/01/2013 09:55

Thinking of you fluffy

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/01/2013 10:21

Thanks ice

Fluffy I hope today things are looking brighter.

Fluffydressinggown · 15/01/2013 14:39

Hi, I an on my phone so rubbush typing!

Got some sleep. Keep seeing signs even in my dreams, feel so confused about what God wants me to do. Tried to kill myself last night but they found me. Today has been quieter, read my book and slept a bit. Nobody has talked to me but the nurse said she would later. Just so muddled.

Going to have a sandeich and read my magazine now, don't understand how ocd can be like this.

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/01/2013 16:29

you are in the best possible place just now fluffy - hope you start to feel better soon.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/01/2013 16:34

Fluffy, I know it's hard, but ignore the signs if you can. What God really wants is for you to get better and stay with your family. The other stuff you are hearing inside your head is your illness.

When you are feeling better and your head is clearer, I am sure the doctors will be able to explain where the signs came from, whether it is your OCD, your BP (like me), and so on.

How was the sandwich?

{hugs}

Fluffydressinggown · 15/01/2013 17:09

Im not hearing voices. Just sering things that are a sign for me, like songs on the radio our certain numbers or colours. Hard to explain.
I'm interpreting things that are there as having a special meaning for me from God.

Sandwich was ok!

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Branleuse · 15/01/2013 17:13

thinking of you FDG. I hope youre ok. Came on to check how you were x

Fluffydressinggown · 15/01/2013 18:23

Thank you. Just had a big chat with the nurse so although it hadn't changed things I am glad I shared it.

OP posts:

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 15/01/2013 18:44

fluffy I have experienced similar, though my 'signs' usually portended something good, they were never a signal for harm in any form. I didn't know whether to believe them or not, so I just looked for the good message to be on the safe side. Meds got things feeling much less confused.

After a few days I was allowed into the big garden in the middle of the hospital. There I saw the most magnificent rainbow, which to all people everywhere means something positive. I knew it was a glorious coincidence, it was none the less lovely and uplifting for knowing that.

peace to you

Flip

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