Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

[Fluffydressinggown]

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

Morning fluffy.

Sorry things are so desperate still. As a pp said, your strength and determination through all this really shows through. Hope you are having a peaceful day and are managing to be kind to yourself. X

Hope you have visitors today fluffy

Watching TV and internetting.

I have eaten lots of Malteasers today.

Fed up fed up fed up.

I'm sorry you are so fed up :(

Poor you lovely xxx

so sorry you are fed up, mm malteasers pity I've just got back from shopping so too late to get some...

Is there anyone you feel up to talking to, just normal small talk type thing? I used to find it helped.

Another lurker here sending you my best wishes & positive thoughts. Stay safe lovely xx

Hope you're having a better day Fluffy. x

Still feeling poo.

Had ANOTHER kebab last night who knew that take aways delivered to psychiatric units.

Thank you for your kind thoughts, I really appreciate them :)

Me! I knew that :) When I was in, in 2003, some evenings we had supper (sandwiches and stuff) at 9pm provided by the hospital, followed by some of us ordering take away :)

Though last summer - no supper, and no one ordered take away I imagine we could have done though.

Ach so sorry you are feeling so bad Fluffy. So relieved that you are still with us and posting with your feelings though . And the humour is there x

Take aways must thrive on all of us up at night Fluffy . Hospital patients and staff /police / ambulance ....all who need some tasty food delivered whoever we are and where we are . Food is nice when you are bored and needing comfort .
So pleased that you are eating . Hold on . hold on .x

I was into dominos pizza when I was inpatient, it's crazy how little money you need if you club together.

Hi Fluffy

I dont post much but always check in to see how you are doing.
There are lots of us willing you on.
Sorry things still so difficult for you. Im another one who really admires your courage. Your lovely personality shines through in all of your posts.

Thinking of you tonight lovely lady. Hope you are maybe enjoying a good takeaway?? X

Hi fluffy thinking of you!

Hi Fluffy

If you get the chance, let us know you are ok. Hope you are ok ( and not hidden under a pile of takeaway menus).

Hi.

This is just a quickie. I am being transferred to PICU (psychiatric intensive care unit) at 2pm today. Feeling very very upset. I won't be allowed on my laptop there so I have not disappeared just gone somewhere else.

Why me? :(

Hi Fluffy

It will be alright, honestly it will. We will all be here rooting for you. loads of hugs and all warm wishes to you. See you again shortly, I hope. Take care.

Lots of luck fluffy, I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts (if ok). I know someone who found PICU very helpful, I hope the increased resources help you.

Big hugs, I hope you see this.

Hi Fluffy

I hope you get all of the care you need and deserve. Big, big hugs and much love to you. I will be thinking of you too and mentally cheering you on.

I hope you feel better in yourself soon.

Take care lovely xxxx

Lots of love Fluffy and we will see you back here soon. Take good care. Will be thinking of you x.

I fluffy, I know you won't get to see this message for a while but wishing you all the best, please come back and let us know how you are when you are able to x

Lurker here. Wishing you all the best and hope you'll soon start to feel better.
I'll be thinking about you.
Take care!!

Thinking of you Fluffy, hope it's not too awful and hope to see you back here soon.

Hi Fluffy - have been following your thread - hope PICU isn't too bad - am thinking of you x