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Original poster

Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

999 replies

Fluffydressinggown · 14/01/2013 18:23

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

OP posts:
vacuuming · 20/02/2013 00:02

Oh Fluffy, I really really hope tomorrow is better for you. Was your DH able to get to the meeting at all?

bassetfeet · 20/02/2013 00:30

Hi Fluffy , just sending good wishes to you and a cyber hug .

SnowyMouse · 20/02/2013 13:12

Thinking of you, fluffy

SnowyMouse · 20/02/2013 15:15

On the odd time I was on constants in hospital, the staff only sat and watched you, as you've described. I hope today is a better day, and you can start to pick apart the meeting for yourself.

coxspippin · 20/02/2013 18:57

dear dear fluffy, you deserve much care and comfort- can your DH see you tomorrow (thursday)?

SnowyMouse · 21/02/2013 12:26

Hello fluffy, how's it going today, do you have visitors later?

Pancakeflipper · 21/02/2013 13:05

Hi Fluffy, how are you doing? Hoping you are ok and the staff are being supportive. Have you seen your CPN recently? Hope they are looking after you really well.

Take care and thinking of you.

Sunnywithshowers · 21/02/2013 13:24

Hello Fluffy I hope you're okay today. Big hugs xxx

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 21/02/2013 13:27

Hi.

Well the eating continues. Had a chicken (horse ;)) kebab last night with another patient. About to eat a prawn sandwich.

Rang DH in tears at 2am this morning, so very very sad.

Still in my PJs in bed see no point in doing anything.

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 21/02/2013 13:51

Are you on anti-depressants, fluffy?

TheSilveryPussycat · 21/02/2013 14:45

Am glad you did something with a fellow patient :) All the times I was in (4) talking to other patients when I felt well enough to do so, really helped. We all help each other...

resistance · 21/02/2013 16:53

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leelteloo · 22/02/2013 23:09

Hey fluffy, how's things tonight? I really hope you've had some visitors and that you are feeling a little more settled.

SnowyMouse · 23/02/2013 13:42

I wonder if fluffy did get transferred to PICU, they might not allow internet access.

Thinking of you, fluffy

Sunnywithshowers · 23/02/2013 13:45

Fluffy hope you're okay and being looked after. Big hugs xxx

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 23/02/2013 13:49

No I am here.

Just very low and nothing to say.

Watching TV and internetting and waiting for my friend to visit.

OP posts:
ohcluttergotme · 23/02/2013 14:54

Fluffy been reading your thread & so sorry that you are going through such a horrible time.
I really hope you see brighter days soon and can get back to your life xx

Sunnywithshowers · 23/02/2013 15:00

Hi Fluffy I hope you enjoy your visit, and that you stop feeling so low soon.
Big hugs to you lovely xxx

Pancakeflipper · 23/02/2013 16:09

Hello Fluffy
Hope your visit from your friend makes you smile a little.
Has it been a rotten week for you?

My best friend from my school days came to visit me today. 4 hr round trip - so thought I better take her out for lunch! It's trying to snow again here. Flurries then stops.

Thinking of you Fluffy.

SnowyMouse · 23/02/2013 16:10

I'm sorry you're so low fluffy

ohcluttergotme · 24/02/2013 08:30

Morning fluffy, how're you feeling today? Hope you enjoyed your visit & had a good night & maybe feeling a bit better today. It's really snowing here this morning Smile xx

Sunnywithshowers · 24/02/2013 20:10

Hi Fluffy I hope you've had a good day today. Big squeezy hugs xxx

SnowyMouse · 24/02/2013 21:08

Thinking of you, stick in there.

Follyfoot · 24/02/2013 22:46

Oh Fluffy, I've been following your posts in this thread but havent posted before. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry things have been such a struggle for you. Your courage and determination shine through so much. As does the love between you and your DH.

I hope you are feeling a bit less sad today, and maybe even a bit more settled? Anyway, am thinking of you and sending you a gentle hug and some Thanks xx

Elderflowergranita · 24/02/2013 23:47

Thinking of you Fluffy, and hoping things get better for you.

You sound like such a lovely, interesting and intelligent person from your posts.

.

((Hugs)) - so many people care about what happens to you. xxx