Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

[Fluffydressinggown]

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

Your Chinese sounds lovely, fluffy. I hope you enjoy your visit and the chocolate :)

I'm not a mum either and everyone has been lovely so I think we're okay xxx

Hi Fluffy. Glad to hear you had a nice Chinese and you have visitors today.

It really doesn't matter whether mn users have children or not in my opinion. It is such a good place to get support, particularly for MH issues. Maybe because sadly so many women (and men) begin to suffer after having children.

What chocolate did your sil bring you? Hope there was plenty of it!

Take care x

Hi fluffy, glad you had visitors today and I hope it cheered you up. Kids, no kids, we all need a place to feel listened to and mn can be that place (most of the time ) .

Hi fluffy, your lunch and company sound nice

Evening Fluffy
Hope you had a good afternoon with your DH ( he must have all the best takeaway menus!) and hope your SIL cheered you up and brought a lot of chocolate. Any mini eggs?

Hope you have a restful evening and a good sleep.

I have had another Chinese Fatty piggy.

I am sat in a quiet lounge watching Casualty and internetting.

That sounds good, fluffy, just watching TV can be quite restorative I find.

Fletch and Jess fluffy who would have thought

Hi fluffy,

I could have written this six years ago and will always bear the scars. It takes a long time but you can get through it. We are all here for you, and your colouring is amazing!

Hi Fluffy, sorry to hear you are still having a tough time of it. Having eaten nothing but junk myself this weekend, for once I am not jealous of your Chinese. What is the food there like?

dear fluffy i hope your DH, BIL and SIL may visit you today or phone today and you may have some caring staff to talk with. thinking of you.

Hello lovely

I hope you have a good day today. It's sunny here, I hope it's sunny for you too xxx

Hello

Very grey day today weather wise. I have played scrabble (got 420!) and chatted to staff. Watching some TV now on my laptop and relaxing. DH coming later, not having a great few days.

Hi fluffy. I'm glad you have some distractions. I'm sorry you're struggling

dear fluffy, i hope the staff are generous with their time and caring with you, and your DH comes today.

Hi fluffy. How are things, I've been thinking of you.

Having a terrible day. On constant obs but now they are not allowed to do anything with me, no Scrabble, no sitting talking to me, just be able to see me :( Had a horrid meeting. Feel like a fucking piece of meat that nobody can help.

Oh fluffy :( big hugs, it must be awful.

I'm so sorry Fluffy that sounds absolutely rubbish.

Big hugs to you xxx

How can that help you feel better?? Proper rubbish! Sorry they are not being more supportive. Wish I was there, I'm rubbish at scrabble but very good at chatting!

That is horrible Fluffy, how will that help you to get better? Poor you. I really hope they rethink that idea of theirs.

Can you play on your laptop? Hope you have something to entertain you.

Hi Fluffy. I'm quite new to Mumsnet and don't post much but have read all of this thread and really wanted to say a few things. It makes me so sad to hear what you're going through at the moment...please try and hold onto the hope that all these lovely people are giving you...because it's real. You DO have hope and you DO have a future. I know that you are seeing these signs and they are very real...I know because I've been there. I had signs which I believed were from God which I still can't fully understand today because they were so very real. But what I do know now is that they were not from God, because I do know that God is good and He does not torment people EVER. It is not in His nature to tell you to end your own life so you need to refuse to listen to these voices and signs...they are not from Him. Can you just hold onto that one truth? HE IS GOOD! And He loves you more than you could know. You will come out of this Fluffy...it may take a while but you have to hang on.

I really hope I haven't upset you with what I've said. I just can remember being in a similar place 6 years ago and I really can't believe I'm here to tell the tale. It was a living hell and I just wish I could pull you up out of that place right now. Your husband sounds absolutely wonderful by the way. Mine was also amazing throughout that awful time. We're lucky ladies! Please hold on and fight for that future you deserve together xxx

Did they say why they could talk to you or do anything with you fluffy ? What happened in your meeting ? I hope you have a better day tomorrow xx