Can't sleep, marriage falling apart...

[Ineversignedupforthis]

Trying to keep it together for now. Major problems with massively entitled, passive aggressive oh, which keep coming up. Been going on and off for 20 yrs (the problems).

Have bi-polar, which is generally under control, but know I have to be careful, particularly during stress, when I can't sleep.

Am back in that cycle where I wake up at 4 in the morning, almost bang on, as if by alarm clock. Any thoughts? Any poor sod up like me?

oooh page 14!

That is indeed something, if he realises that. Although I don't believe you actually could have, could you? Clearly DD trusts you, have some , as always I'm having a - and the cat wants something. Tonight I am blissfully alone in the house, a treat, I have had the music loud

I would never blackmail anyone or use their emotions against them, however fw has been doing that; and is reacting as if I'm going to do some sort of tit for tat retaliation.
He has spent so much time with the puppeteer that he seems to think we all scheme and play mind games.

As far as I'm concerned DD wants and needs her dad and I will encourage them both to continue forging a stronger relationship.
I want for them to spend more time together, I've always wanted that.
Xh has worked away for so long he's forgotten how 'normal' family works.

I'm going to find the cat then off to bed, I'm shattered and can't be bothered to stay up til 'the bongs'.

Hope my post did not cause unintended offence, Isis, it was the last thing I meant if so. Nor did I mean to imply that DD might distrust you, it was more - she knows she's got one parent who is honest and straight with her, wants only the best for her, and of course that is you.

It's past the bongs, I heard some fireworks. Hope AH is pissed somewhere, he's also out tomorrow part of the day.

No offence caused Rudolph, I got what you were getting at.

I find clarity of mind when I put my feelings into words, so explaining myself cements my own view of the situation.

The fireworks round us were dreadfully loud (I'm in the attic) and went on for 30 minutes so sleep didn't come quickly.

My back is really not good at present so I'm now thinking what I can manage without doing before we go away.
I'll be packing lots of painkillers.

I can't wait to get away, just to get a break from all that's gone on.

Will be good for you to get away Isis...
Happy New Year, sure it will be better for us all, including Rudolph.

Well the new year started well...but...
I'm now having a major sad moment.
I'm in the new year with no Mum and no marriage!
TBH I feel like shit and want to hide away forever.

Thank goodness we're going away tomorrow.

Course you are having a major sad moment
Follow your process, and take the adventure that Aslan sends x

Thanks for your good wishes, Parsley, now if I can just get these numbers finished instead of going back to bed or watching the telly...

Have a good time Isis if still in time before you go. I have taken the decorations down today. They might be lovely but the clutter gets on your nerves after a while. Having the house less cluttered and left my mind a bit calmer...need to start excercising properly again in the New Year.
You finished your numbers Rudolph?

Nah, still ploughing on. I've probably made heavier weather of it than I need to, but OTOH it has given me a good insight into how we have managed to survive over the years.

Good job done though, Rudolph when you're finished....'bout time you changed your Crimbo name back, or are you waiting til 12th night?

Well I'm not sure what I'm changing it to next - it was an intermediate name change on the way to a new one - so yes, probably am waiting till 12th night and also it will be a celebration of finishing the sums!

Ok. Change the name before the then, not after...

Hello to you both.
We got back yesterday afternoon, we've had a great time being thoroughly spoilt by our 'new' family.
And what a wonderful family they are, I'm so glad I'm getting know them.

DD is going for a sleepover at her dad's tonight, she's not keen though. I'm off to my friend's for a booze up and a takeaway.

Glad you had a good time Isis. Boozy night sounds good.

DD went with her dad this afternoon, till tomorrow evening.
She'd come round to the idea as the day went on.

I feel a bit strange about it all. It's different to when DD goes to my frined's for a sleepover.

I'm having lunch out tomorrow and am looking forward to a long lie-in in the morning. It'll be interesting to see if I still wake at 6am.

Hopefully not!

What sort of takeaway? [glutton]

It's bound to feel weird. Some friend time is just the thing.

Thai would be my preference...closely followed by chinese.With wine...

We had chinese washed down with home brew toxic poison wine.

I didn't get up till after 8 this morning, it must be the first time since I had DD that I've had a genuine lie-in.
I'm going to have a leisurely shower and potter before going out to lunch.
What a life!

sounds good to me.

Ah yes I remember home brew wine, you think it's innocuous, then it hits you over the head A genuine lie-in will have done you the world of good. Now I'll be wanting to know about lunch!

And how's you, Parsley?

A bit ...meh....Rudolph. Not good at knowing how I am at the mo, keep changing my mind. Tis frustrating...

Me too, dispirited at what accounts are showing, can't find Nov statements, and had words with stbx re topping up the joint account. Think I will take sol advice and separate our finances as far as poss before settlement.