Can't sleep, marriage falling apart...

[Ineversignedupforthis]

Trying to keep it together for now. Major problems with massively entitled, passive aggressive oh, which keep coming up. Been going on and off for 20 yrs (the problems).

Have bi-polar, which is generally under control, but know I have to be careful, particularly during stress, when I can't sleep.

Am back in that cycle where I wake up at 4 in the morning, almost bang on, as if by alarm clock. Any thoughts? Any poor sod up like me?

Xh turned up later than he saidwith a different gift for DD than he'd said he was getting. It's ok though, she loves it.
He also brought a gift for me from him from DD, a wooden beehive composter bin, I've wanted one for years.
So the man who doesn't love/want me has spent time, money and effort making me a xmas gift, wtf?

It was really funny, he seemed diminished and much meaker than I've seen him before.
Maybe he finally can see what he's done, well he's stuck with it now.

DD and I are having a great day with more to come, off to my friends for tea.

Had a lovely xmas tea at my friend's house.

Strangely xh rang to speak to DD, he doesn't usually ring at teatime if he's seen her during the day.
He won't be visiting her tomorrow as he's 'too many other things to do'.
He's batted on about boxing day teatime visiting of one sort or another for bloody months and now he's too busy.
What an arse.
To quote DD when talking to a friend of mine : 'my daddy needs to have a word with himself!'
I think she sees the situation accurately.

It's wine o'clock now!

Had a nice day here, nice pressies, nice meal cooked harmoniously by OH and me. DS asleep on the sofa, cat asleep on DS. DD cleaned and set the table. Hope OH isn't going to exploit her when they share a house.

Supported friend by phone re a complicated situation, recommended , my family was all . Hypocrites, much?

Hope all went well, on the whole, with you.

Isis sorry he's been arsey again, glad yours was good Rudolph. We had a good day, next door in for morning drinks, nut roast for lunch, new jamas, bottle of wine and nibbles at teatime, lots of telly, and chocolates. Dm, sdad and dsis invading us soon, will need to start defrosting stuff now...

Xh and I had another row on the phone yesterday teatime.
He's pretty much refusing to see DD untill she's been told about her sister.

After much soul searching and consultation with a very wise friend I decided that I didn't really have much choice.
A judge would insist that xh can take DD where he likes and I know that I was just putting off the inevitable.

Anyway xh came round for a 'discussion' and we've decided that we'll go round to his on friday am to tell DD about it.
I don't think she needs to know just yet, but realise that legally I don't have a leg to stand on.
I would rather it happen when I'm around to support DD than it be done behind my back.

DD is at her auntie's for 2 nights midweek so I can go to Mum's funeral.

In all probability she'll take the news in her stride in the short term.

DD and I are going away for 4 days next week; we're going to birth mum's; so we'll be able to distance ourselves from it a bit.

No MN for 4 days, how will I cope?

FWIW, I think the friend is right Isis.... hard though it is. She will probably take it in her stride at her age. For you its harder, cos it is a reminder of what an absolute arse he and tarty woman have been, but not the child's fault. If you can see these things seperately it might help. Ie, seperate child's personality from bad behaviour of parents. Hugs to you.x

Thanks, good advice as always Parsley.

My friends have taken to calling ow 'the puppeteer' which I find hilarious.
Although I don't know which of them is being more manipulative.

I am feeling much more at peace knowing that it will be over and done with on friday.
I know there may be fallout to deal with but have been dealing with that for months.

I've told xh that he has to sort out the financial settlement and divorce, his part of the 'deal'.
As usual he drags his feet if it's not convenient/ usefull for him to do stuff.

I've got a couple of social nights this week so may even get to go out at night!!!

Think you will feel better after Friday, and pig ex could do with getting his finger from up his bum and sorting stuff out. In many ways he has quite a good thing going...sort of a bachelor lifestyle, living in student type squalor, and pupeteer, and two families. Quite the Big Man. Maybe a trip to your solicitor, and a letter giving him some sort of deadline in the New Year....
Nights out will be good for you. As you previously said, your bum could maybe have a dance on its own....you could drink wine in the corner

It's getting bad when my bum is more active than I am!!

I may just ring the solicitor and get an appointment booked, I'd forgotten that i'd planned to do that today. Thanks for the reminder.

Are you worried I can see in your head Isis....

Oooh my first cyber stalker/mind reader and it's a lion!!

I'm not really worried just want it all over with.

Been to Mum's funeral today.
All went well, a very connecting day with family old and new.
The weather over the pennines was atrocious coming back but am home safely.

I am a bit concerned how DD will be with xh's revelation tomorrow.
However I know I can deal with whatever happens.
After all that life has thrown at me in 2011 I think I can just about deal with anything.

Kids always manage to surprise you with their reactions IME. I hope it goes as Ok as these things can.

I'm fairly certain that DD will be thrilled initially.
She knows and loves the little girl and has mentioned that she has missed her in the past few months.

My primary concern is DD wanting to talk about it and filling my house with tales of what she does with her other family.
Obviously DD can talk about anything she wants, I will not in any way censor her conversations.
We do already talk about everything together.

I don't know how I am going to be with it all.
I do know that the fear of it will be worse than the reality.
I think it's just another level of acceptance of the reality of the situation kicking in.
I do hope it's the last 'revelation' and we can move on with our lives.

Maybe you will surprise yourself? you seem like a compassionate sort of a person...

Thanks Rudolph, compassion is something I've always found easy to feel.
Although I haven't always shown myself the same level as I give to others.

Had a crap night and woke up feeling really numb. Did some processing and am feeling much clearer now.
I accept what will happen today and know that I will be able to deal with it.

I'm missing DD so much, haven't seen her since wednesday teatime.
Going to collect her in half an hour or so and then onto xh's.

No doubt I will update you later on.

Well xh told her and she started crying immediately.
Didn't want to stay at xh's or even let him near her.
We drove home with her sobbing like her heart was breaking.

We've had a long talk about it and I've reassured her that daddy will always love her and that I will always love her.

We talked about the fact that xh will want to take DD to see her half sister when DD sees xh tomorrow.
DD does not want to see xh at all at present.
Xh will come for her as usual in the morning, we'll have to see how that goes.

I left a message for xh to say how upset DD was, he's yet to reply 2 hours later!

I've calmed her down and she's happily sticking paper on a plastic bottle using miles of sellotape.
No doubt the implications of this will continue on into the future.

We will deal with it as we do everything else, with love and laughter.
And of course with the support of all of our lovely friends.

Hugs to you both. It must seem to DD that daddy has got himself a new woman and daughter to replace his old family Hopefully AH's behaviour towards DD will contradict that impression. You are the stable person in her life, though, which must help.

Am crap at knowing what to say, but thinking of you both.

I'm not sure what DD thinks at present.
Whilst I expected her to be upset, I did wonder if she would just accept it. Clearly that's what FW expected to happen and it hasn't.

When FW (fuckwit -my new name for him) rang to talk to DD at teatime it was all she could do to speak to him.
I had a right go at him as he hadn't responded to my voicemail saying how upset she was.
I think he's shot himself well and truly in the foot.
There is nothing more he can use now to blackmail me and his latest gambit has backfired spectacularly. Shame...

I'm thinking there's a book in this somewhere -
Fuckwit and the puppeteer, how to score own goals at christmastime!

What do you think?

DD has gone for the day with fw, took quite a bit of encouragement.
I've asked her to give him a chance. I told him not to muck it up.

They've been building lego and painting so far, so no doubt she'll be happy with that.
Fw said he may see about taking DD to see the puppeteer and child if DD is willing to go.
We will see how it's gone when I collect her at 6pm.

Hope you are getting some rest, even though your thoughts must be with DD. My thoughts are with you.

Thanks Rudolph, I'm not doing that much today as my back is playing up.

I'm not thinking about DD too much, I can't control what fw does so best not to waste good emotion worrying.

It'll be interesting to see how she is later on.
At my friends suggestion I am documenting DD's moods within the context of this revelation.
It may be instrumental at a later date.

I'm actually sat here wondering if the ironing will do itself if I wish hard enough?
We're going away on monday morning and I'm trying to get sorted out ready.

Ironing? What's that ?

I do straighten things before I put them in the tumble drier or hang them out though. I am a scruff and not working, so not bothered for me. DD doesn't iron her stuff, tho she is working. DS when here had to look smart for work, I ironed his stuff a couple of times at the start, then he did it all - shirt and trousers every working day. He did tend to always have a washload somewhere in the cycle though, holding everyone else's laundry up or forcing them to move his on!

How today Isis?

I was quite nervous when I went to collect DD, I was concerned how she would be after any possible meeting with fw's other family.

DD had a good day with fw.
They spent an hour at the puppeteer's this afternoon and DD enjoyed playing with her h/sister.

Hopefully it will settle into a routine of small amounts of time; with his other family; slowly building to more.

He's asked if she'll have a sleepover at his next friday, she seems quite keen on the idea.
He's thanked me for encouraging DD to give him a chance.

I think he realises that I could have used DD's emotional pain against him.

Oh I forgot to say that I love ironing!