Can't sleep, marriage falling apart...

[Ineversignedupforthis]

Trying to keep it together for now. Major problems with massively entitled, passive aggressive oh, which keep coming up. Been going on and off for 20 yrs (the problems).

Have bi-polar, which is generally under control, but know I have to be careful, particularly during stress, when I can't sleep.

Am back in that cycle where I wake up at 4 in the morning, almost bang on, as if by alarm clock. Any thoughts? Any poor sod up like me?

Bugger, must think of new name

Lunch was great, albeit at a services.

I am on the committee that runs More to Life in the north and have taken on the Sponsorship Co-ordinator role.
I was meeting my friend who'd previously had the role, to swap files etc.
TBH it all looked a bit clandestine, meeting at the back of the carpark and moving things from one boot to another!

We met at the back so she could park next to me, not for a nefarious reason.
It was great to catch up with her in person.
Our monthly meetings are on skype so we don't often see the other committee members.

DD went to a show in our town hall; yesterday afternoon; with xh and her 'sister', they had a great time. Then back to the puppeteer's for tea.
Apparently the puppeteer says very little to DD.

DD had enjoyed her sleepover and has said she'd like to do it again next week but doesn't want to stay mid week yet.
She is being so fabulous about the whole thing, I think I may just burst with pride!

Do we get to help you choose a new name Rudolph?

DaDah! After many tries at names that were taken.

Services for lunch? It would be full English breakfast for me, whatever time of day.

Glad things are going OK for DD, though it must hurt as well as being pride-making.

Kinda knew it would have pink in the new name. Dunno why! We have a black cat. Pic on profile.

So do we [cat emoticon]

I may have to change to Child of Bast now, just to get a feline in my name too!

It doesn't hurt like I thought it would.
It's just a bit sad that all my hopes and dreams came to this.
However my hopes and dreams do continue, just in a different form.

I won't let some cheating twat and his mistress derail my life!
And the laugh's on them, they're stuck with each other and I'm free. Ha ha.

Yes that's it, Isis, the hopes and dreams

I lived on hopes and dreams for 20 years, wasn't all bad as I had and have a life outside the marriage, but it took so long to realise his weren't the same as mine - I don't even know what they are.

His Pink or yours? You ok Isis?

His, Parsley. I even asked him point blank over the years, and he didn't know. Mine were simple - meals out, theatre, bit of travel - I used to want to do them with him, but I haven't wanted to for a while.

Yes, Isis you OK?

Isis has been on FB Pink, so still active in cyber-world.

Hello Ladies, thanks for your concern.

I'm back to stripping woodchip, another room clear of the foul stuff.
It's DD's old room and will be my studymeditation/spell-workingroom.

I'm going to get a new tennant settled in today, thank goodness.
So that'll be all of the flats occupied for the first time in months.
Just as well really as xh and I are at our annual MOT/meeting with our business manager at the bank tomorrow.

I'm taking on 2 new roles within the More To Life community and am mega busy with phone calls and organising a banquet for a weekend course that I'm helping to run.

Thank goodness I don't have a relationship to run as well, see more silver linings than I can shake a stick at.

Woodchip should be made illegal - evil stuff! I do think distraction is a good thing, Isis, I think concentrating on the hats saved me from myself at a horrible time.
Have been getting to grips with the ovelocker, which is tres complicated to thread, but the dvd has put me right, after multiple watchings, pausing it, re-setting it as it was now speaking German etc.

Do I take it you make hats Parsley

And bags as well I think Pink!

Yes...one of those serendipity stories....just soft ones, for people who have had chemo.

So have you both fallen off the edge?

I'm about to do some more painting, DD at her dad's since yesterday.
I had my first friday night out in more than 6 years last night!
Mind you I didn't get drunk, me and a friend went for a meal.

I didn't get up til 8.30 this morning, I do miss DD but it has it's compensations.

The neighbours 14 yr old DD was having a sleepover party with karaoke and guitar hero ( and other kids too!) so I'm glad I was out. I think they were relieved DD was away for the night.

How are you both doing?

Ok Isis, need to get on with some hats...

Close to the edge Isis, close

Have seen solicitor and am making a settlement offer, quite scared but know my own mind. Been a bit sad and angry even though I knew what my figures would show (main bit done, depending on stbx response may need more work) and posting a bit and talking by pm about how the facade I/we presented now makes it difficult for people to believe the truth, although am not revealing all of it only some, and how the facade has given DC a reasonable childhood and youth, but also means I am having to let DD(20) believe what she believes, rather than seemng to badmouth her father.

But basically I'm OK!

DD was seriously into Guitar Hero, one day she went into Woolies, I think it was, where some bloke was demonstrating the newest version, and took over the demo, putting on a virtuoso performance!

Aww Pink

Well xh was an arsehole again yesterday.
I went to get DD to find her wearing a new dress that the puppeteer had given 'for xmas'! They'd had a xmas day type party.

I was furious, I told xh I didn't want that woman dressing my child and that any gift she did give DD was to stay at xh's.

I am so mad with him I think it's time the gloves came off, I'm off to the solicitor tomorrow to get the divorce started.
Maybe that will get him to sort the finances out, he's done bugger all about it. He's such a lazy arse.

On top of that I'd had an hour of my stepDad crying down the phone cos he doesn't understand some of my Mum's will and he thinks no-one trusts him.
Of course we do trust him, but obviously now is not an easy time for him to get to grips with difficult stuff.
None of it is a surprise to him, they had identical wills, I think he hadn't really understood the implications of what he signed up to.

Oh the deep joys of family!

Isis .....hugs x

Oh yes Isis mine won't do a thing unless pushed. As sol says, why would he? He is still living here at my expense (mostly). When she sent him a form to fill in re finances he merely replied with an arsey letter, though this suited me as I needed time to do the excel. We now have the decree nisi, I have sent him an offer through my solicitor, and an email explaining my reasoning, I think it's the solicitor's letter sitting on the hall table! I have also paid to start court financial proceedings, to get his arse in gear. I suspect he knows my offer, as I was explaining it to DM downstairs on the phone, and he may have been able to hear - it's so hard sharing a house, and he rarely goes out, he works from home, he walks to the post office and back, which doesn't give me long.

oops turning into a rant if I'm not careful! Take control re the divorce Isis, it feels good, even if stbx is making it a bit frustrating as well.

Well I've got the next 4 weeks of access sorted out.
Finally I can plan more than a few days ahead.

He still doesn't get that he's being controlling though.
Of course he's got his own way and gets to play 'happy families' so is happy and can't see that he's still and arsehole.
Just because everyone knows the truth doesn't make it ok.

I'm going to the sol tomorrow, hopefully they'll be able to fit me in.
I just think the sooner it's done the better.

Have you seen the solicitor Isis?