😥
She's been in hospital recently (I went to visit when she was in) but now back in her care home. Her mobility is getting worse to the point where she now needs help to get to the toilet, which I understand is the final indignity.
But she just rang me (I'm at work) to tell me that she hates everything and she wishes she wasn't here any more. What am I supposed to do with that? I got upset and a bit angry and said "how do you think that makes me feel Mum? please don't say things like that to me!" then we both cried.
Of course I feel awful now. I know that ageing is a brutal process, I have witnessed it first hand and been as supportive as I know how to be. But it's so stressful and depressing to hear a loved one talking like this. She feels (and always has) able to tell me this sort of stuff and I've been hearing it for years. Just when she needs comfort the most I've been horrible!
I feel SO DOWN but also terribly guilty now. And I've got a busy afternoon of work ahead and I'm crying like a loon. I'll have to ring her back, what can I say?