I think my wife has been having affair and is now PG! Should i demand a DNA test?

[JosephofNazareth]

We've been together for ages, but all of a sudden she was dead keen to get married. I do love her though, so went along with it. It's only recently that i noticed she has been piling on the pounds.

Turns out that she is 39 weeks PG. We only married a few months back. She swears it is mine, as she was a virgin before we got married. I'm really worried though that the baby is not mine, and thinking about a guy who was hanging round her a while back.

What should I do? We're due to go back to my home village over the holidays. I'll be humilated!

oh, the Palace, you mean? yeah it's supposed to be nice. Not sure about the owner though- I've heard stories about him.

Told not old me blardy T aint working proper.

Well these Kings all stick together, they are all interbred you know, [nods sagely]

Will you all just shut up ?!

That virgin whatsername's lying there, legs akimbo, screaming her head off, and you're all ranting about interbred kings!

Sod off!

you'd better hope that the baby isn't a screamer if noise bothers you so much. I haven't heard a word of complaint from the oxen.

Do you know I have the feeling this baby won't need that Controlled Crying thingy

Sky is starting to look bright, I'm seeing a few stars now.

(Actually Tipsy, I beg to differ. One or two of the cattle have been lowing. Sound as if they're going to keep it up all night, possibly until morning is nigh)

[Puts head round stable door]

Has she had it yet?

It's getting blardy bright out here, hope its not some sort of meteorite, it might mean the end of the world as we know it!

do you think it's the mooing of the expectant mother that's set them off? Are they lowing in sympathy?

Still here, baby still not born yet... can't be too long to go, I hope...

It IS rather bright isn't it? Almost like daylight out there!

ooo, perhaps it's a sign of something...

well? have you had it yet? come on, come ooooonnn....

guess she has had it from the crowd that is in the stable, cant get in to see.

Fight to get through!

I can see rather a lot of angels.

Was it a boy? Have you agreed on a name?

Does he look like you, Joe?

I can't believe that I read 7 posts before I 'got' this thread. What a flippin doofus!

I had a boy! His name is Jesus

Congrats

We did pop in to see you, but there were so many people with you we just sat outside eating turkey.

Didnt know you were related to Royalty, everybody was saying that your new baby was the Rightful king, is there something you haven't told us?????

Thank you, yes, it was a bit manic yesterday! Did you follow the Nigella Lawson recipe for your turkey, I was a bit about putting it in a bucket, especially with all these animals around...

We are descendants of King David. Yes he will be a King, but not like King Herod. I don't entirely understand it myself. I AM a bit concerned about King Herod finding out though... , I hope he doesn't read MN...

Congratulations, Mary. Hallelujah indeed. I know you said the angel told you to call him Jesus but have you settled on a surname?

As for Herod, I'm told he's expecting three kings from persian lands afar shortly, so I expect he'll be a bit tied up.