I think my wife has been having affair and is now PG! Should i demand a DNA test?

[JosephofNazareth]

We've been together for ages, but all of a sudden she was dead keen to get married. I do love her though, so went along with it. It's only recently that i noticed she has been piling on the pounds.

Turns out that she is 39 weeks PG. We only married a few months back. She swears it is mine, as she was a virgin before we got married. I'm really worried though that the baby is not mine, and thinking about a guy who was hanging round her a while back.

What should I do? We're due to go back to my home village over the holidays. I'll be humilated!

aye the star of Bethlehem wetherspoon gaff isnt it.hear its fully of hairy arsed shepherds

Is it your local then, ScottishMummy?

Oi, Joseph!

aye!love to do the hokey cokey with all the shepherds

Hang on Joseph! That wasn't me you were with, I'm still a virgin!

Lets hope there IS room at your mate's inn...

Oh Virgin - God bless you - I will be right over! Out of interest - are you really a virgin? I've been caught out before you know!

No.
I'm no Virgin, but I do have some E.V. olive oil.

for the donkey?

for the donkey?

No, for the salad.

Salad? For the donkey?

Nah, for the prawns.

do you usually offer chips and a fag?

Joseph, since you are obviously a good man who is going to stand by your poor misled wife of a few months, young innocent that she is, a DNA test will be of no use to you whatsoever. Especially as one half of the results will show Ghosting.

Take pride in the fact that you are being the Big Man here, you never know, the baby could turn out to be someone really important..

I'm not accustomed to donkeys. I do have a lovely dog though. Can I offer your donkey a Bonio?

I prefer your option SM! Do you lot know anything about water births? Mary was wittering expressing an interest about such things.

I think the Red Sea is a bit of detour. She'll have to make do with the pub methinks.

well i imagine yer wean to be good at walkin on water.so dook mary's arse in the pond,dont let out til she has popped.whise she is in there ask the duplicitous witch how she got up the nelly when you never had it off

We had it off lat night I'll have you know! After the takeway curry! What are you getting at?

Joe may i refer you to your OP.you thought the missus had her jollies with someone else

Amazed you're not being more god dog in the manger about Mary being up the duff.

Ok OK - I know about the dubious start to our realtionship. I have been reading up though about feckless blokes on here, and have decided to be the big man and put the past behind us. Could do without you bringing it all up again though. AIBU through stealth?

ah i see you demur from your original position,fair enough.i imagine you will have a full house and wean imminently

Wean imminently. I thought the advice was to BF exclusively for at least 6 months? Or so Mary tells me.

aye BF=Bottle fed irn bru