I think my wife has been having affair and is now PG! Should i demand a DNA test?

[JosephofNazareth]

We've been together for ages, but all of a sudden she was dead keen to get married. I do love her though, so went along with it. It's only recently that i noticed she has been piling on the pounds.

Turns out that she is 39 weeks PG. We only married a few months back. She swears it is mine, as she was a virgin before we got married. I'm really worried though that the baby is not mine, and thinking about a guy who was hanging round her a while back.

What should I do? We're due to go back to my home village over the holidays. I'll be humilated!

oh lol wean=scottish colloquialism for baby!imminent wean,she gonnae gush soon

SM - I know Do you think I was scottish in a previous life.

well all hail my scottish chippie

Och aye the Noo!

I do apologise for being cliched SM. I think it was the Thunderbird they gave me in the bar.

crivens i think im stuck in da broons hoap ma boab

Well that one at the front with the moustache looks uncannily like Mary!

yikes someeone has been boning grandpaw!or is mary a bearded lady

Well I didn't want to say anything......i did marry her after all. A bit of hair can be attractive to a man.....

has she a lady growler on her face

JOSEPH BENJAMIN JUDAH NAZARETH I HOPE YOU'RE AWAKE NOW WE HAVE TO GET GOING!!!

Coming my dear! I have a bit of a headache for some reason this morning.

Right then. Tried Expedia. Nothing doing. Place is bloody packed. Spoke to mate at the pub, and he's full up. But he did say there is some space out the back if we don't mind roughing it a bit. Bit worried about what Mary will say though.

She's been awake half the night moaning. I think baby is going to be making an appearance before too long. And it looks like a hot bath is out of the question....

Brilling follow-on from MaryBeWaiting's original thread. Genius Mark II

Ha ha - was just about to say that she can;t have been a virgin when you married if she os 39 weeks pregnant - I need to put the cork back in this port!

What the hell does "Brilling" mean??

Meant brilliant

Please tell me you have at least bought a moses basket?

Looks like its going to be overcast tonight. Hope you're not relying on moonlight to get where you need to be, chaps. I think you'll be lucky even to see a Star.

Actually, Joseph, have you pointed out to Mary that she's likely to have a much easier delivery if she keeps herself nice and active in the run up to labour. Perhaps she could walk alongside the donkey and you could be taken for a ride instead?

It's good that the baby will be born into a stable relationship. I would skip the DNA test and create a season of goodwill to all men.

Don't worry, Joe - I predict the baby will have a short but eventful life and will be very, very famous. Maybe even more so than the Beckhams. You guys will be made, honest!

At least renting a place in Bethlehem will put you in the catchment for Judea Grammar. Don't go back home - I've heard Nazareth High's SATs results are shocking and some of the children swear.

JOSEPH!!!! MY WATERS HAVE GONE!!!! THE BABY IS COMING!!!! JOSEPH!!!!! JOSEPH!!!! JOSEPH!!!!

Joseph???