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Original poster

I think my wife has been having affair and is now PG! Should i demand a DNA test?

172 replies

JosephofNazareth · 22/12/2008 21:30

We've been together for ages, but all of a sudden she was dead keen to get married. I do love her though, so went along with it. It's only recently that i noticed she has been piling on the pounds.

Turns out that she is 39 weeks PG. We only married a few months back. She swears it is mine, as she was a virgin before we got married. I'm really worried though that the baby is not mine, and thinking about a guy who was hanging round her a while back.

What should I do? We're due to go back to my home village over the holidays. I'll be humilated!

OP posts:
God1 · 23/12/2008 00:53

I know Mary is trying to bring me into to this but I tell you now that hell will freeze over before the CSA get any money from me.

scrooged · 23/12/2008 00:55

PMSL!

Brian's a brilliant name. So versatile (sp?)

twinsetandpearls · 23/12/2008 00:56

Can I just say I tried to get the username God and it was taken! WTF is God? I bet it is one of those pesky moldies

scrooged · 23/12/2008 00:56

Haa. Try doing a search and it will tell you the last time it was used.

scrooged · 23/12/2008 00:57

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=other_subjects&threadid=80431-mn-clique#1762359 Here, 2005.

twinsetandpearls · 23/12/2008 00:57

pmsl it was a thread about cliques

NotanOtter · 23/12/2008 00:58

one good thing - according to a hit song at the time - he wont be a crier

LordGodAlmighty · 23/12/2008 00:58

Someone been taking my name in vain?

twinsetandpearls · 23/12/2008 01:00

Yes but when youve just had stiches down below and your piles have piles do you really want a load of kings turning up on your front door. I bet those shepherds will tred sheep shit in your carpet as well.

ScottishMummy · 23/12/2008 01:09

god sake tell dem darn shepherds et al you cant be arsed at mo,seeing yer missus popped some fancy fella wean an'aw.and you never touched her (honest guv)

Original poster
JosephofNazareth · 23/12/2008 08:19

Xenia, thanks for the legal advice. I had a funny dream which has left me with the impression it'll be better for everyone if I bring the baby up as my own.

Well the bag is packed. Mary is after a curry and some hot sex for some reason. Always happy to oblige with that. At least it will give the donkey a rest.

OP posts:
Lilymaid · 23/12/2008 09:10

Have you thought of taking a holiday in Egypt after the baby is born? I understand that the current government where you are isn't too child friendly - particularly if you have a boy.

DailyMailReader · 23/12/2008 12:18

Let me get this right you want to emigrate to another country to get free housing and benefits now. It is no wonder that property prices are falling in Egypt you scrounger you. I shake my fist at you.

ilovelovemydog · 23/12/2008 12:29

Daily Mail, Thought you were only opposed to immigration in the UK?

Joseph, the problem is that you might be deemed intentionally homeless - I mean, following a star is hardly a reason for the taxpayer to find you housing....

ilovelovemydog · 23/12/2008 12:29

Daily Mail, Thought you were only opposed to immigration in the UK?

Joseph, the problem is that you might be deemed intentionally homeless - I mean, following a star is hardly a reason for the taxpayer to find you housing....

MaryBeWaiting · 23/12/2008 15:10

We HAVE got a home! Why does everyone assume that we're going to be on benefits and require housing??? Its this census thing, THAT'S while we're travelling, doesn't anyone read a SERIOUS newspaper? Its in the Judean Times, after all, you can't ALL read the Galilee Sun!

Did you see that TV reporter who has tried to copy our journey? Hah! They wouldn't let him have a donkey in Jerusalem, as he didn't have a license for the donkey to appear on TV!

DailyMailReader · 23/12/2008 19:47

I lovemydog you are right one more immigrant over there means one less here.

The thing is though I can see them wanting to come over here once they know what a push over our benefits are. Well I can tell you of they do come here they can forget that donkey because everyone knows that every immigrant gets a new BMW as they cross the border.

The things that worries me though is that once they get here they wont be respecting our ways oh no, they will want is following their religion.

ChristmasDisco · 23/12/2008 20:16

PMSL at this thread.

Original poster
JosephofNazareth · 23/12/2008 21:16

Intentionally homeless - cheeky beggar! I'll have you know I'm a craftsman and have family and friends all over. I never take handouts! Tell em Mary!

And the UK - for Christ's sake, why would I want to go there. Huge recession! And last I heard Woolworth's was closing down - a disaster!

In the meantime i have more pressing issues. The donkey is still knackered, Mary is whinging that her back hurts and that she has strange periody painy feelings. Not to speak of the "little accident" she had at the last services. I hope this isn't going on much longer. We're not even there yet! Is the BBBBAAAARRR open yet? I f**king need a drink.

OP posts:
MaryBeWaiting · 23/12/2008 21:23

Aw, did you HAVE to tell them about me losing my mucous plug? I didn't do it on purpose, I TRIED to warn that station attendant, BEFORE he slipped on it, its not my fault he's now in traction in Jerusalem hospital

And you CAN'T have a drink, you're driving the donkey!

I'm sorry I've been so whingy, but my back DOES hurt, and I DO love you really {hugs}

AMeadowfullofChristmasTrees · 23/12/2008 21:57

OMG this thread is brilliant. Just what MN needs - a little bit of humour

Mary, i have a strong feeling that you will have to suffer the cramps for a about another 30hrs or so, but good news i dont think you will need a section

TheVirginGoober · 23/12/2008 22:03

Have just seen this.

Christmastrees this is no laughing matter.

Are you all packed then?

ilovelovemydog · 23/12/2008 22:04

Did you both see the thread re: whether to name baby Christian - it would be perfect!

ScottishMummy · 23/12/2008 22:05

though i do think you will find your chosen nursery to be a bitty rustic,hey joe being a chippie will knock you up (phwoar!) a wee crib

Original poster
JosephofNazareth · 23/12/2008 22:05

Oh Mary. I know you love me. I'm not surprised to be quite honest, as I think I performed rather well last night. (Though i think the reason I lasted so long was those thoughts of the Gary/Graham bloke that kept popping into my head). The Lamb Vindaloo has played havoc with my insides today though!

Still - this should be the last stop before Bethlehem. I'm sorry that I forgot to pre-book. I'm sure someone will have a room. My mate there has a pub. He'll put us up if we get stuck.

OP posts: