I think my wife has been having affair and is now PG! Should i demand a DNA test?

[JosephofNazareth]

We've been together for ages, but all of a sudden she was dead keen to get married. I do love her though, so went along with it. It's only recently that i noticed she has been piling on the pounds.

Turns out that she is 39 weeks PG. We only married a few months back. She swears it is mine, as she was a virgin before we got married. I'm really worried though that the baby is not mine, and thinking about a guy who was hanging round her a while back.

What should I do? We're due to go back to my home village over the holidays. I'll be humilated!

Smellies my a**e. Tell the poor donkey. He is over loaded as it is!

ROFL!

Will you be on the birth certificate?

Or are there a few other candidates...A father, a son and a ghost...

this really is Jeremy Kyle territory!!!!

LOL at festive trolling

and thon light keeping the wean awake.

Remember that it's not actually the sperm that makes a father. It's the love and the parenting and the care (and maybe you were firing blanks anyway). ANd if you can provide those, you might achieve sainthood...

A ghost? I can't be doing with ghosts! I have enough to cope with. Father = me(I hope) Son? Well I must admit I'd like a boy. Can take over from his old dad in the woekshop. Any ghosts can just f**k off.

so your boy might not be a chippie like dad but maybe be dab hand with loaves and fishes,not to mention water and wine

Even if they are holy ones??? ( I have no idea what classifies a ghost as holy, instead of a regular, common or garden ghost but there you go)

What will you do if you aren't the father?

(and, something is telling me, you aren't!!!)

I'm not sure the story will sound quite the same if you call the boy troy or Jayden or Kyle...

Not so sure about the fishes - but the wine sounds good. Can I have some now?

Good point, SM - I need that man in my kitchen this Christmas!!!!

Food magic'ed from nowehere (for I haven't been shopping) and water mysteriously turned into wine (credit crunch and all - Gin will do, if wine is a bit high brow!!!)

You know what - I like Kyle! I really like that! Kyle of Nazareth - what do you think? Or shuld i poat on Baby Names thread?

Or should I learn to type first?

Or wayne...

Wayne is good....

gluteus Maximus kind of manly,non

Rofl Brilliant.

Maybe someone should write a book about this? Seems like a good story in here somewhere! rofl

I really WOULD like to see Jeremy Kyle do a piss take of this - Christmas special and all that...

I mean, it'd never happen (and that's probably a good thing) as it would be insulting a religion, but it still sounds funny!!

a book?about wean in manger,some ole boys with smellies,and chuntering about chosen one.nah who would believe that for god sake

I'm good mates with Rab C Nesbitt though! I did tell him though, when thinking about pressies for the baby - No irn bru, no deep fried mars bars, no cliches.

exactly!only english folk,students eat fried mars bar.so stop mithering get the wean a bucky

Legally if a child is born within a marriage it's the father's unless proven otherwise although David Blunkett changed the law to allow what you propose - the DNA testing and then promptly made use of the new law to prove his married lover's baby was his to get contact with him.

thanks xenia a most illuminating point for joseph and i thinking about a guy who was hanging round her a while back(you know the ole gimmer beard and dazzling light and fancy moooves)

pmsl at Xenia's response.

Did the other bloke not send you a message to tell you he'd knocked your wife up and expects you to look after the baby as your own?

I think Brian would be nice for a boy.