Am I being unreasonable about our household spending?

[CalmCanyon]

I’m interested in getting a reality check on our household spending because I’m struggling to work out whether I’m being unreasonable or whether our costs really are out of line.
We’re a family of four plus a dog in the South East of England. One of our daughters is at university and isn’t home most of the time, and her spending isn’t included here as she has her own finances.
Our monthly spending is roughly:

• Finances (mortgage, council tax, utilities, insurance, phones, broadband and other regular household bills): £1,833
• Groceries: £869
• Shopping (clothes, household items, Amazon, etc.): £583
• Transport: £253
• Eating out: £109
• Home & Family: £78
• General: £68
• Children: £32

Total: around £3,825 per month. The grocery and shopping figures are what concern me most. I don’t actually do most of the food shopping or day-to-day purchases—my partner does. As the sole earner, I see the overall numbers each month and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to make the budget work. I’ve tried to have calm conversations about our spending and whether we could cut back, but they usually end in disagreement. From my perspective it’s becoming a financial issue; from hers it doesn’t seem to be viewed in the same way. Unfortunately it’s started to affect our relationship, and at the moment it feels more like we’re housemates than a family working towards the same goals. I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives.

She’s having you for a ride, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But it’s unnecessary pressure she’s putting on you. It’s not fair.

You spend a lot on Amazon. Do you really need to spend that much. Plus food shop is a little high.

MIL was a SAHM for close to 20 years and when the money ran out she fell out of love as DH said. She even had a housekeeper, she did a bit of volunteering DH remembers taking round the cheese at a cheese and wine fundraiser at their house as a child, It was the 1970’s. Personally I think she was just a lazy cow that leeched off FIL who was a miserable bastard, but who wouldn’t given the circumstances they were divorced by the time I met DH. She also had 2 affairs and is very much in her own words a healer and spiritual person who has spent a lifetime finding herself. When I think of my own Mother who was a born grafter and did really very well for a woman with a basic education, she had a fuller life and found herself more than MIL ever could, no time for navel gazers.

I would break up, she can find herself then unbridled by you. I’m almost always on the side of women but in this case she is taking you for a ride.

I don’t think the food is wildly off. We spend £534 a month average for 3 (adult sized) appetites. We saved a significant amount when DS moved to Uni but he now gets that amount as his monthly allowance. So we are effectively still feeding him! That’s £300 pcm. So total of 834.

which is only £6.86 per person a day for 3 meals a day!

This can be explained without shouting

(!!!)