Under His sausage, blessed be the alcohol, ak47s and online deliveries

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

And over,and under, to the left a bit ,to the right , ahhh right there! That's the spot!

Just keep killing...killing...killing

And breathing, and laughing, and moaning and ranting.

We ran out of soldiers and escaped the clap.
We cried and laughed and did silly crafts.
We analysed dogging and penis whips.

Assholes, plump vags , shit deliveries and hexing.

What mayhem will we discover next?

The web is dark and full of horrors... as well as faithful bananians marching valiantly over the hill to sit on benches and eat crisps.

Carry on my weary fluffballs of doom!

Morning rebels

A calm day of no murdering for me today. I actually dont think ill bother leaving the house. Cba. That may change later

Hope you're doing ok today Lilac

As for the men, they should all be dropped off for quarantining at Banana HQ and then they will be mobilised according to need.

Morning all! A zero head count day again today, I haven't baked yet this quarantine period and feel I'm letting the side down. It seems the national dish for lockdown is banana bread (in honour of our Princess, obviously!) but I don't have any bananas so I'm making beer bread. Let's see how that turns out!

Hope you're ok Lilac

Accidentally bumping into DD1 in town again tomorrow. It's been 3 weeks and she's had a naff time on the frontline so I think we're long overdue breathing the same air for an hour.

Morning all.
Pigeons dont let the self righteous get ya down. Theres always one twisting things to suit themselves makes them feel clever.
Jealous of everyone's plans for tonight. No takeaways open round here.😭
Need to pull my finger out and finish painting shelves (i am now not going to.use!!) I could do my little table and freshen it up at the same time. Also need to get milk bread and juice at the shop and maybe drag a ds out for a walk at the same time but its so quiet here with plenty room to pass people without any problem i probably wont murder anyone.

Lilac i second Pinks suggestion. Your mums local council will have contacted her about shielding, mine has, and there will be a number on the letter for help with anything she needs. Sod the neighbours they arent supportive if they are harassing her about bloody clapping! Get the number and call them and explain whats goibg on and what she needs. Hope you feel more positive today. You do whatever you need to do to get this done with your mum.

Found you all again! Few fed up days and I’ve given up killing while I can’t guarantee I won’t go for my boss first 🙄.

I worry about all of the much needed men all quarantining at @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock ‘s. In the spirit of support, I’ll take Chris Evans Captain America version. He can stay in the garage for about twenty seconds 72hrs.

Hope you’re ok @LilacTree1 😘🌹

I will selflessly pack my teens of to their dads even though he doesn't have the room where he is just now to make room for my lot of 'quarenteeners' i dont have a garage but i will risk it for the cause.😄 i will just give them all a good wash down with my nicest soap in the shower. Needs must and all that.

Well ds2 and i had our constitutional and walked along the beach and harbour. Lovely it was too. People out enjoying the sun but few and far between. And horror upon horrors sitting on benches😲😲😲 Felt a compulsion to go report them but frankly cba. Next time!

Re the shielding

We don’t want to be involved with strangers, they could be worse than the neighbours!

I don’t do WhatsApp, precisely for reasons like this, I will just ring them and explain to ward off a potential police report

We will tell the neighbours a legal matter has to be dealt with

But no way are we getting involved with shielding nonsense.

She wants to go to the shops anyway now

It’s been a horrendous time for her

It’s not illegal for her to go to the shop

I think it’s probably just time to start ignoring the crap

If she got to a point where volunteer help was essential, i would just do it myself and tell any police that an elderly woman living alone should not be encouraged to deal with strangers.

This situation has seen the authorities throw all common sense out of the window!

Good idea Lilac head them off at the pass.
Its perfectly ok for you to help your mum if she is vulnerable so dont think the police would get involved at all or they would accept your reasons if some interfering busy body called them out.

Thanks Willow

This has made us very nervous of all the authorities

Lilac I hope you can. Manage this without any drama. It sounds like you're getting your ducks in a row so fingers crossed!

Beer bread was a disaster. I'm normally quite a decent cook but I forgot to add baking powder and ended up with stodge! Idiot

I'll put it down to lockdown brain and move on!

I have a spare room where I can happily hoard a few of the mens. If there's not enough room in there I guess I'll take one for the team and a couple of them can share my bed. For the cause. Obviously

Apparently they held orgies to celebrate the end of plagues in ancient times. So by collecting luscious mens we're just doing justice to our ancestors really!!

My conversations with OH are sooo riveting.

Evening all. I've been wobbling a fair bit over the last couple of days. And sleeping so badly 😔 A colleague and I had a 'wobble zoom' the other day as we were both feeling sad, alone in our respective living rooms.

Batshit I’m finding this thread helps

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3893108-I-know-IABU-but-I-am-totally-fed-up-of-lockdown

Was supposed to be a no kill day but I wanted to see a friend. So I went to see my friend.
Walked back through the park, met various dog owners that I haven't seen in a long time. Got mugged by all the dogs. So I've killed squillions and probably infected every canine in the country.
Actually going to "A SHOP" tomorrow. Need to visit a pound shop for pound things and we're about to run out of dog food. So mahoosive kill rate tomorrow. I will make you all proud. AK47 polished for the trip.
Yous can all have wobble days on this thread. It's what it's for.

This thread moves so fast.

We had a beer delivery, so that's a kill. And I had to order shoes online for my son because his feet have grown. But the ones we ordered are too small so we'll have to commit murder all over again to send them back.

Town tomorrow because we're going to accidentally bump into my lovely DD1. A little bit of sanity. It'll do my girls the world of good to catch up properly. DD2 has had her share of dibbled this week. She's just missed her best friends 9th birthday, and her own birthday is next month and she's distraught at the idea of not seeing everyone's meh.

I need pound shop things too. I'll be taking my AK because the death toll will be very high.

Just had dinner and I'm going to hit the gin. It is Friday, right?

Dibbled?? I mean WOBBLES!!!

I'm sorry to say that I have murdered countless thousands (sorry Phoebe Bear) unnecessarily as the curry was shite. The gin & tonic is however going down a treat.

PS I am going to clap for Phoebe Bear next Thursday...

Evening all! Its Friday....i am getting pissed.

I went to the shop for just wine.....bought some bread as a token gesture

Think she needs a delivery of chill pills and a swift reminder she isnt the smartest tool in the box!

I would be harsher but I think she may have pnd so will resist

Ohh shits happy Friday.. enjoy your wine.

@BatshitCrazyWoman hope you're better, but if not feel free to wibble wobble with us.