Under His sausage, blessed be the alcohol, ak47s and online deliveries

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

And over,and under, to the left a bit ,to the right , ahhh right there! That's the spot!

Just keep killing...killing...killing

And breathing, and laughing, and moaning and ranting.

We ran out of soldiers and escaped the clap.
We cried and laughed and did silly crafts.
We analysed dogging and penis whips.

Assholes, plump vags , shit deliveries and hexing.

What mayhem will we discover next?

The web is dark and full of horrors... as well as faithful bananians marching valiantly over the hill to sit on benches and eat crisps.

Carry on my weary fluffballs of doom!

Totally fine. If any neighbour queries it, tell them to get fucked quite honestly

Its something you have to do by the sound of things? So police for example would not even question you taking her or going to the bank with her (if your branch is open) As for anyone else, you would just say the bank needed you there to sign paperwork. I know they are unrelenting but it really is none of their business

1. Don't be daft and worry about spoiling things. That's what we're here for, plus you've got a lot on your plate.

2.What you need to do is necessary to get things sorted and rolling, sadly things like that don't care about lockdowns,viruses or rules. I doubt anyone would question it, but if they do you definitely have a valid reason to be out.

1. I don't blame you for fearing the neighbours. It sounds awful, especially the certainty that they would report you. Power hungry, frenzied leeches.

Hugs and

Lilac
Just ignore everything and anyjne but you and your mum and what needs to be done. Police will not stop you for this.
If any of those nosey neighbours say anything just ask them how they think its any of thier business?
Hopefully a quick trip to the bank will fix it all and it will be a weight off you and your mum's shoulders.
Dont let the Bs get you down. And tell your mum to take her phone off the hook/switch off at 7pm on a thursday. People are so busy showing off how fab they are they are running roughshod over other people its just such a weird thing to do how do they justify it to themselves?

Willow - they’ll just ring the doorbell

It’s funny, I used to think of them as helpful but now very concerned.

Take her a sign to put on her door.

FUCK OF YOU STAZIS AND LEAVE ME ALONE.🖕

Funnily enough i havent heard any clappers out tonight maybe its finally wearing thin for everyone?

@LilacTree1 we're all here for you, you certainly won't be spoiling things coming on the thread, we're just distracting ourselves.

Your mum's neighbours sound awful, but I'm sure the police would understand that she needs you right now, if indeed they even turned up! It's not like the neighbours would be reporting a wild party so I wonder if they'd even bother tbh.

Thanks everyone

Clap was quieter here today
mum and I will obviously have to discuss this but it might be time to ignore the neighbours, even if they are people who can help in an emergency. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@LilacTree1 hey lovely just go get your mum and take her to the bank tomorrow it will be okay. She is vulnerable and you need to accompany her to the bank it's allowed. I don't know where you live but I was out at the pharmacy today in my town centre and it was really quiet and there were not any queues apart from at home bargains so hopefully you can be in and out and it's done. As for your mums neighbours a wee middle finger up when they are spying out their window/door etc with a fuck off attached usually works I find. I don't think the police would entertain any reporting they done anyway.
Take care

Been a while but there is indeed a new thread about wiping down shopping. Batshit. Gave me 5 minutes of entertainment though seeing how all the batshit people are giving ideas on how to wash it ... FFS

@LilacTree1 must be hard finding the balance when they are complete bullying arseholes ,but at the same time the only people your mum can rely on in an emergency. It's like they think their helpfulness excuses their tyranny.

Do you have contacts for any of them? I wonder if you'd manage a message or phone call as a kind of heads up that it's happening and related to your dad's passing and needing to sort things out. Hopefully a grieving daughter and widow trying to sort things out will trump any delusions of grandeur they have and their need for totalitarianism.

The fuck off approach is tempting and definitely well deserved , but it doesn't sound like you'd be comfortable with that.

Oh yes I have contact details

We need to wait for one more bit of paperwork so it’s not tomorrow but next week

So I can certainly ring the worst offender and say, look, I’ll be around to help mum with this, don’t mention it to her because it’s upsetting enough for her dealing with dad’s stuff.

We already know we have to do this or it will be straight round their WhatsApp group that they’ve seen me.

I think we’ll say we couldn’t finish at the bank in one appointment to justify me staying a couple of days.

It’s really sad, I grew up with these people but this situation has made me feel I can’t trust them, it’s not right for them to say to her “you shouldn’t be going out”.

lilac good to see you back. And do vent here when you need to. I think you know what you need to do. If they question you just calmly explain what you are doing. You will not be doing anything wrong/illegal and whether they chose to dislike/disapprove is up to them and out of your control.

Ok so you have a plan, and by the sounds of it some time to prepare. You'll do what you have to do when the time comes. Things might change by then anyways.

Lilac ** for you. It sounds like you'll figure it out, but it would be lovely to not have to deal with meddling neighbours on top of everything else.

@LilacTree1 never feel bad for talking about personal problems here, just because we’re joking around. I think most of us have had a rant/cry post on here when things get too much. With what you’re going through you’d need to be a robot not to need to

Regarding all the curtain twitchers and people yelling stay indoors from their front doors, try not to let them worry you (as much as possible). It sounds like you have a good plan

I do wonder what history will make of these people! Imagine if in 200 years some history class is study Covid 19, and is studying mumsnet posts to judge how their ancestors handled it

“Most refused to leave the house and regularly reported their neighbours. However one group advocated murder, kidnapping, hoarding illegal weapons and performed all sorts of procedures such as plumping and bleaching on their private areas. They called themselves the Republic of Banana and according to the facts were responsible for countless millions of deaths”

Pigeons perfectly put

There a poster calling for people to be removed from their home to be quarantined

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3895610-The-probable-reason-why-deaths-are-so-slow-to-fall?watched=1&msgid=96105192#96105192

I commented, I shouldn’t, weakness got the better!

What did I do 😱 I actually thought I made sense, maybe not, I wasn’t even being unnecessarily goady. I was asking people not to shame others, this poster has gaslighting down to perfection though!!!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3896150-Competitive-staying-home

@LilacTree1 I have no idea how to do the flowers thing, but flowers. I hope it goes well for you and the neighbours see sense.

morning murdering bananians!

pigeons love the history text! That thread was brave!
lilac how you doing this morning?

it's Friday - yay (which makes no difference to anyone in my household except me at the minute!!)

last workday of the week.

skip arriving today (fingers crossed!)

having a mini casino night with the dc tonight - basically card games, gambling with sweets and burgers and chips! It is an alcohol night though so that is good (me, not dc, although 22 yr old ds will no doubt steal some of my gin again and almost 18yr old dd may have a cider!)

Under his beady eye!

Ah pigeons I've replied to one thread, hopefully if I can think of something witty I'll reply to the other too.
Gods sake what's with people.
Anyway. Tonight is takeaway night when I pay with cash on delivery. And beer night. I've not had a drink since last weekend so I feel like I can now. Only been not drinking cos I think I'll be back to work in a week or two and my face is getting puffy plump and my belly soft.

Princess...I hope you are feeling like your usual magnificently witty self again?
Lilac...We've been worried. I'm so glad that you shared with us. Can you join your mum's group what's app and update them on what's going on with your mum? You can ask them politely to back off and leave her to deal with the loss of her dad.
Also, if you contact your mum's local council, there will be a centrally run volunteer organisation who can provide all the help your mum needs. She doesn't need to rely on the neighbours.
Pigeon...you are a legend. With fabulous taste in mens.
Shits...my spanner is very similar to yours. We have great taste in dogs.

And to important matters. Tonight is Friday. This means curry from our favourite take away, washed down with very essential wine. The kill count will be high but it's important to feed my curry addiction keep local businesses afloat.

Vive la revolution.

Important logistical question....where should we stash the mens? Central location or divided out amongst us?

We could wear hi viz jackets (meaning instant compliance), commandeer and hotel and start bringing the mens in for our pleasure quarantine.

It's weird that all the things that people from other countries look at with distrust and protesting against look like a great idea to some posters on here.