Jackass whisperers against the cheap beer virus

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Thread number...4?!? Fucking hell I've never been so popular.

Keep on keeping on and ,moan,whinge and laugh while you enjoy your deliveries and cackle evilly while you kill thousands.

All under the benevolent eye of your awesome , yellow and very ripe leader.

May the bleach be with you.

Morning all you little scamps.
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
Slept late and missed the bin men arghhh. Recycling bin is gonna be overflowing by next time😠

Oh well i am a year older today and so much wiser😂
Not sure what i am doing today sitting on a bench eating crisps wouldn't raise an eyebrow round here people are sitting outside and talking to neighbours from the snd of thier front gardens all very social distancing but with emphasis on being social😀 all i would get sitting on a bench would be a cheery "morning" as people went past at a distance.

Need to get motivated i should be repapering but its my burfday i dont wanna --stomps feet like a
toddler--
Happy days folks.

Aww Happy Birthday Willow !! Hope you have a good day.

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday deae Willow
Happy birthday and a Spanish soldier too!

@Willow2017 Happy Birthday!! Hope you manage to have a decent day in spite of the lockdown. Sounds like you live near me - no curtain twitchers .

I live on a cul-de-sac within a cul-de-sac and last weekend, the five houses on one all dragged tables and chairs to the bottom of their drives and had a socially distant party!! I didn't report them

Thanks fellow nutcases.
Love the poem Princess just what i need😄 i await his delivery.

Morning all

Happy birthday Willow 🥂

DD is going to blow giant bubbles (full of virus and evil) all over the neighbourhood in your honour willow. Might take pics too.

Bloody phone posted too soon.
I do have a parcel..its the shape of a big box of Thorntons. I wasnt here when it was delivered and am sure ds2 didnt immerse it in bleach but as its been sitting there 2 days i am sure the virus got bored and has fecked off by now. Will get stuck into them later. Will share them round in the cabinet room of course😄

Ah, Happy birthday Willow.
Work going surprisingly OK today.....
New running shoes have been ordered, apparently will be delivered tomorrow.

Quite fancy a BBQ tonight..... Just for giggles and to boost the kill rate of course. Must remember I'm not drinking till Friday though!

Ooh bubbles i love bubbles. my bubbles Definately need photos😄😄

Happy Birthday Willow. I hope you will indulge in some inessential cake.

Shall we all pop out and sing happy birthday to you at 8pm tonight?

Layla, oh yeeeeah.

Unless he's busy being an angle just now of course.
Pink, I want a chicken club sandwich from m and s ta.

Birthday bubbles courtesy of minibanana.

Pink
Oh yes definately that will send frothers into a tailspin. Disturbing the clap will kill thousands.😁

And forgot to refresh thread before posting, happy burfday to willow
Hope you have some extravagant things to do which will also take out a small infantry or something.

Princess ...Pop out to your front garden, walk backwards with your arms folded and look at the sky.Then turn around and you'll find a private jet taxi-ing up your driveway with an assortment of fags for your royal consumption. I added some papers and rolling tobacco and a plastic lighter too.
Please send the pilot back when you are finished with him.

After a horrendous run in yesterday when I benevolently tried support a local struggling business and getting absolutely slated by the owner and his social media apostles for a contravention of rules I was unable to get to the bottom of and the apostles could not possibly have witnessed as they were not there, I shall be mostly staying in!

Smiley oh dear. What happened? Were you 199cm away?

Smiley oh no,hope you're ok, but please don't let this stop you going out if you need/want to.

Jesus @Smileyoriley. Did you cough within twenty feet of his establishment?

Happy birthday Willow!

My allotment neighbour and I have probably committed slaughter on a never-seen-before scale. We talked with a less than two meter gap between us! (Only because we forgot) I sincerely hope nobody ever finds out or we’ll both be murdered where we stand and our bodies put on the compost heap for the nutrients

Happy Birthday Willow. I hope you have a nice day despite missing the bin men, it's a bit weird having a Corona Birthday but I hope you have as nice a time as possible.

I can wholeheartedly recommend Italian Pilots as lovers. they're charming, romantic, and very generous and eager to please. they're not the most faithful of sorts but I don't suppose that matters if they're locked in the house with us...

also recommend Italian Police. nom nom nom.

I wish I was like you lot who don't particularly like crisps. I adore them and have eaten approximately my own weight in them during lockdown. I've spent the last year losing weight and had lost 2 stone but since lockdown I have put at least half of that back on I'm not beating myself up about the eating though, as it is necessary for my sanity. Once my furlough kicks in and I actually have a bit more spare time I plan to do Joe Wickes with my son first thing and then I have a step aerobics class online in the afternoons too. I know it's terribly retro but I think it's fun and nicely low impact for my faciitis prone feet.

Eyup murderesses it's still sunny!! What's with this weather? Can't go anywhere? Here, have mid-summer in April!! 

Not complaining like because I have a 'garden' (of sorts).

Happy birthday @Willow I hope it's a fab day

Must remember to take a bag of crisps for DD when we go for our exercise allowance.

My DM just accused me of trivialising the situation and being blasé. I pointed out that I have a young DD and we cannot just pause our lives indefinitely!! There are still some joys to be had ffs.

Happy Birthday @willow2017

Loving the feisty, murder inciting comments on the CRISP thread Bananians and esteemed leader.

Make sure you bleach yourselves thoroughly when you get back from playing in CRISP park. The hysteria might be contagious. If you start noticing any bubbly spit lumps coming out of your mouth, you will need to withdraw and isolate....