Jackass whisperers against the cheap beer virus

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Thread number...4?!? Fucking hell I've never been so popular.

Keep on keeping on and ,moan,whinge and laugh while you enjoy your deliveries and cackle evilly while you kill thousands.

All under the benevolent eye of your awesome , yellow and very ripe leader.

May the bleach be with you.

Aww no shooting stars i demsnd a replay😠 yes i went out in my pjs and dg and ignored the neighbours😂😂 i rhink.one of those satellites is up there though very long and 'close' iyswim.
On the other gand there is a skip on the ground between front of out paths and road.. more on my side than neighbours i wonder who is doing what? As if several neighbours werent making enough noise with outdoor house building, path making and bloody dogs barking continually every time they are left alone. Wonder if i can lob stuff in when they arent looking?😂😂

Well someone from the next block of flats went past and asked what I was doing. When I said I'm looking at the stars she laughed and scurried off quickly. Me shouting "I'm looking for shooting stars!" Don't think it reassured her much.

On the bright side it's my first time seeing them so yay! I lost my shooting star virginity.

@soupforbrains hope you're feeling better bday girl .

Should I put in a mass order of these? They'll probably be easier to source than PPE.

Daily briefing Expert (I think it was the guy on the left, can't remember his name) answered a question from a journalist about why people were still arriving at Heathrow and not being screened etc. He said the chances of spread were minimal.

But you can't sit on a bench in a park. On your own.

I would love them to take questions from the frothers here. It would be an insane, Dettol and bleach filled fiesta of hate and judgemental vitriol.

But Secretary of State, it's not ALOUD!!! It's killing the angles!

So fed up. We are living in a totalitarian nightmare of froth.

Cross-posted there with you @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock!

I have to say, your contribution was a darn sight better than my whinge!!!

Bravo!

Princess have you been reading Anne Rice's 'Beauty'? 😲

Ooh shiny new thread!!

I keep writing posts on some other threads and deleting them too, @Willow, I keep thinking what's the point they clearly have no common sense left!!

We went for an evening 'run' on a bit of spare land near my house. Honestly no one cares round here, we could spend 3 hours on there playing football and no one would report us. And we'd eat crisps and probably sit on the grass too. It's one thing I am thankful for actually, having no local curtain twitchers!!

A new thread already, go @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock maybe you should be on one of the podiums at the next Coronavirus Government update.

I gave up reading the crisps on the park bench thread, my nervous tic set in yet again.

I confess to going into the local Poundstore today, I didn’t need or want anything at all but (wait for it) there was, shock horror, no queue, and so I just went in just for the hell of it and the opportunity to reminisce on those dim and distant no queueing day.

Not only that but I saw someone I knew inside and had a conversation with them. I just about managed to dodge lightning bolts on my way home but am awaiting being outed on the local FB page.

I buckled under temptation😶
Yet another "the guidelines say yadda yadda" wrong!
And a comment about not being happy about letting your kids sit on grass just tipped me over the edge🤣

Don't touch the log! I screamed at my children who were reaching for a log hanging from a rope over our local lake. Should they touch it though? How do I know if someone who may or may not have eaten crisps or sat on a nearby bench has touched it? A dog comes running over tries to jump up, how to tell the dog about social distancing, not done the home learning course on that yet.

Keep seeing my children's teacher doing yoga in the park...how can I tell her white knickers under black leggings don't work!?

I am losing my mind!!

@Realmumstuff funnily enough DD wanted to climb her usual tree on the spare land we were playing on and as she dashed towards it I found myself shouting nooo we can't climb trees anymore!!

I have been looking at routes for Very Long Walks.

And of course, the current situation means....no loos.

There used to be a makeshift swing in the woods. Two ropes around a log hanging from a tree branch , people kept throwing it over so it couldn't be used. Other people kept bringing it back down. Eventually some joy sucker cut it down.

On the bright side the painted rocks page is booming and not one frother or "save the angles" in sight!

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking just put penis whip into google or amazon(fairly expensive there for what it is).

Dammit i just had to....
Exercising is virtuous so park benches can be jumped all over but sitting and eating on them isn't so you cant???
I have peak batshitted.🤦‍♀️

Bench sitting is the gateway drug to underground whole neighbourhood rave parties and satanic rituals.

@Willow I'm clearly losing the plot here because wtaf?! So if we sit on a park bench to have a bottle of water, is c19 just hanging around on it waiting to float up our bum hole?? Through our clothes?? But it won't if we're exercising on the park bench?? Do people think this virus is just ghosting around waiting to dive on us if we sit on w bench?? Jesus wept.

I think I've found my people

I mean @Pringletastic technically what the medical expert said wasn’t that the risk of spread via the airports was minimal but just that screening has a limited impact due to incubation periods and that, more practically, the proportion of cases being caused by people arriving on planes vs other forms of spread was not worth their attention at this moment.

Bit like if you have a leaky tap, the leaky tap needs fixing, and it’s definitely a problem, but while there is a burst mains pipe in your living room the leaky tap is not the issue to be focussing on.

I quite fancy one of those whips, but money is a bit tight and I’m due a public stoning tomorrow apparently so I should probably hold off for a bit.

Crowcat
Basically if you sit on a bench the next person to come along and sit on it they will rub their hands all over it and die from cv when they touch thier face.
But if you do exercise on it arm presses, box jumps (with dirty shoes) you wont transfer the virus because only the virtuous will use it for the same thing and they obviously wont contaminate the bench nor will the next virtuous person get it.

How do these people function in society normally without all this batshit to make up?

“ Bench sitting is the gateway drug to underground whole neighbourhood rave parties and satanic rituals.”

I cannot tell you how much I want to find such a place right now.