30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

PS apols - was 'bean' on the list of Banned Words? I can't remember. Sorry if was. Are we saying BOC? GinBOC?

Mounty, your GP is not only a rude bitch, but a misinformed rude bitch. IVF BMI limit is 30. Ask our dear Humpster - she was messed around over BMI and then diffed au natural just to stick two fingers up at the size nazis. And that's the only reason, of course

Thanks for the smooching compliments. I learnt from the BESHt

Figgy 2 kilos?! Farkin hell...

Have just noticed Hungry Like the WOOFL - genius...

Good to see you friggy. 2kg of fibroids? Blimey, that sounds muchly rough. Have a gentle squeeze and a packet of spangles

[flaps hands modestly] It was a few years ago now. My stomach went incredibly flat afterwards, but I soon made up the extra weight. I've done my boring fibroids story many threads back (the one with the punchline, 'Back in Jamaica, we call that a Disappointed Womb...'), but because it was a teaching hospital there were students taking pics throughout - a selection of which the consultant presented me with, as the nurse was removing my morphine drips. The really amazing thing was seeing the fibroids on one of those fruit-weighing pans afterwards, and realising that my internal organs had been squashing themselves up like pissed-off Tube commuters to make room for them.

Having said that, I was lucky enough not to have mass bleeding, anaemia, unlike poor sausage. That sounds really, really rough.

I'll take the Spangles, though. And offer you a Spira. Pls to share with Scorps.

Great to see you FiggyPudding 2k of fibroids? You defo deserve that tinfoil medal! Hope all is mended now

Am so tired. Am so fed up. Feel so ill.

Am pacing too. Pacing for Ginsters.

Hello Mountie, Fig Streme Orchid and Sausage. Shin kicks to everyone else and especially Scropulicous

Wassup Hairy?

I only accept Freddos, Aztec Bars or Pyramints, in true retro choccy fashion

Mmmmm, or Peppermint Patties. Why did they stop selling those? It was about 1982 when they did and the trauma is just as fresh today as it was then.

I mean, I couldn't actually eat them now, what with my crappergies, but that's not the point.

Wa Gw'aaan, little RieRie? General TTC misery or summat more?

Yep, GP superbitch from hell. Luuuuuverly GP gone off to do a maths degree at Oxford . So stuck with her.

Oh everything really. You know those times?

TMI ALERT: And I was running to the loo all night with an exploding bottom. So that was nice

Don't want to add to TTC doom. But I have it. The doom that is.

EVERYONE I HAVE NEWS FROM GIN.... She is still at EPU and asked me to report in on her behalf.

Quote: "Still there. Heart still beating. Fucking Hell"

My eyes are wet. I know she is so touched by all of your support, especially the candles. What lucky beshes we all are to have each other.

Oh thank fuck!!!!

My eyes spilleth over. Fantastic. The candles must have worked Beshes. You lovely lot.

< Pulls Aries' hair and kicks her in the shin at the lack of anything useful to say. >

Satellite I know the times, but all I can offer is that you join me in my apathy which seems to be a notch better than the misery.

Eloquently put mascara

Oh, ace news! [cracks open Secret bar - the one with Walnut Whip inside, and spiderweb type chocolate outside, obv so complicated to make it ruined Rowntrees forever]

This BOC has to be the best-behaved baby ever when it finally appears, after worrying us all so fucking much.

I know we're not out of the woods yet, but pliz to join me in a celebratory nekkid dance and a bit of a weep for the GinBoc

Lovely to see you, as ever, figgles!

And streme! You're looking particularly gorgeous.

Can't speak. Am too happy for gin.

YEEEEEEEEEEEY

AMAZING

UNBESHLY TEARY EYES

Ok, UNBESHly tears done. Now for the nekkid dancing.

Great news, Gin

And luvverly to see you, Wildfig although secret bars are 90s, they haven't been invented in our palais yet. They were delicious though.

Shit, that drew out tears I did not know were waiting! gin I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so so, so, so, so, so, so happy for you!

Anyone for a naked conga?
Hurray for the BESH candles Now let's get out the Champagne