30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

I just realised we beat off some stiff competition to get Squashy .

Bombastic, that flooding looked pretty crap on telly last night, I gotta say.

Well, your bloke sound ok. BTW, where did you find Wellman Conception!? I guess I need to order it online again. Is coffee bad for men? I thought it was ok for them but shite for us. (I am still drinking mine though.)

no probs orch lots going on here (and most of it of more import than mrBs van drivers) so cant be expected to remember it all.

he got his results over the phone from the GP last wed. all she said was his count was 'fairly low' so we dont have any of the deets. i've bullied him into asking for them to be posted to us as they said they were just going to send them to the FC. (NOT good enough!) but we havent had anything yet. i might ring em in a bit and get chivying. or i might just commission scorps to do it as sure such services were offered (i'll make it worth your while scorples )

bangers fingers x'ed for the OMs fridge being super cool....is it his first test? although i spose that would throw up more questions than answers. and cheers for the coffee tip. maybe thats also a problem as mrBs has kind off forced his addiction on me. i;ve tryied to cut down but still have the odd one so i will lay off it in future.

Orcha good to hear the comments for Jizz Nurse. MrH is a bit "well thats it then" too esp re the 3 month thing but has been taking vits but not forgoing the tea... if that gives you any comfort at all...

We have stepped up the whole "getting healthy" thing which I have to say is a drag but I'm being very enthusiastic just incase as you say the micrscope falls to me after the 18th.

Would love to chat more BESHies but I'm on a conference call and might have to make some contribution.....

mavisbotherer the pregnacare and wellman conception double pack is 17.99 on boots.com but its 3 for 2. so £36 for 3 month supply for both of us aint bad. also the advantage is that you get free delivery on orders over £40 so good excuse to spend 4 squidlings on something frivolous for moi. :D

what squishy competition? you ladies are so jabourous i dont have time for any other threads :D sort of looking forward to a (hopefully short) period of unemployment in october so i can delve the depths of MN.

Question (from notoriously boozing/smoking/coffeeing Headbanger ): what's this about laying off the caffeine for the wimminz when TTC??? Link to research pliz?

I realise my tendency to chuff my way through 20 Marlboro Lights and sink a bottle of Barolo is prolly not helping my case, but CAFFEINE?!?! For reals?

Although in my defence I am losing weight innit, which was the GP's advice last time while we wait for final results...

X post Orc re. coffee. But you know, your jizzults make me optimistic, as the only thing that sucked with us is the 0.9 volume. Surely that can be improved with some water? Would such tiny amount less matter anyway? (Although I have to say - watch out for TMI - it does seem to me like we loose a lot in leakage.) Which also makes me think, maybe I AM the problem! Will all be revealed tomorrow I suppose.

When's the FC appointment, SaladLeaf? They also never gave us our results, I am working from memory here! But the FC wait wasn't too long, so we never bothered to get them. And for some reason CH also thought it was pointless getting them...

LolloRossoExplosion (that was dire, I do apologise), I have always found that crying works to convince TYF to do summat he doesn't want to/give up summat. I mean a proper snotty wail, including the words 'you don't really want us to have a baybeeeee otherwise you'd do this!' or 'all the things I have to have done to me to have a baby and you can't even do this?' (or similar). Now I've had a laparoscopy, I can screech 'I've had my bloody stomach cut open so we can have a baby and you won't even X, Y & Z!'

I'm not saying I'm proud of this; I'm just saying it works

I don't cynically pretend to cry, BTW - I do get upset very easily TYF has been drinking de-caff for nearly a year now and he's banned from anything chocolatey for the week before Ov Except if we see my parents, my bloody Mum insists on giving him normal coffee because 'it's not fair he only drinks that rubbish stuff'. Like not drinking the best quality buzzy coffee is worse than childlessness! Woman is a food snob people-pleaser.

PS I also now have an image of you and your mister taking turns in a tin bath in front of the fire every Sunday night only Oh dear, I think that vision might give HB an attack of the vapours!

PPS Do not get me started on the job-curse that seems to have affected me my entire adult life. I find it ridiculously hard to get jobs (I'm always good but not the best candidate ).

Am beset by braaaaaahn. Evil droid will strike either tomorrow of Friday, ie ruining my last 2 days at work (and if the pain forces me to take the day off, I lose a day's pay).

I am v self-obsessed at the mo. I'm going to go eat summat and come back more human

Oh and OrangeSquish - BESH has nothing to do with norks. WE are the BESH

dunno, bangheadonthedoor seems the general advice is to lay off anything enjoyable and live the life of a buddist monk (obviously combined with certain aspects of a slutty teanager)

this TTC malarky takes the fun out of EVERYTHING.

MTF got 2nd appointment on sept 9th. first one wasnt really very enlightening as mrB wasnt with me and his results hadnt been sent to them so i didn't know there was a problem at that point. they just set me up another day21 and day3 and the other ones LH etc. so spose just have to wait and get em to talk thru it then. humph.

Thanks for the tip Taramasalata. Now I just need to figure out how to swallow Pregnacare.

HBomb, I am eating healthy, trying to loose weight, not drinking at all (although for other reasons), if coffee is the reason I am not conceiving, I'll eat my big toe. Forget where I read it though.

haha resistance of futile. scorpelator i like your style but the problem is i cant really pull the 'i;ve done this that and the other for a baby' cos mrB is pretty much doing all this on sufferance. i find bravely holding back my tears and being understanding works far better to give him his due, he's come round much quick than i expected and i do very much appreciate he's doing it all just to make me happy. so i am not going to force decaf on him as he is very much a coffee snob.

Yeah, universe shite to you at the mo, Scorps. Commiserations. But I am sure it will lead to great opportunities, etc. I lost my job when the recession started, and like you, I was not too upset. I cannot say great opportunities were around the corner, but I think I had moved on in many ways I wouldn't be able to if I were still working... Ok, that was crap consolation, forgive pleez, I still have a headache, sickness, tiredness... I guess I am coming down with summat. Which is why I cannot get off the coutch to go and do something useful.

mountaingoat -think water will help and I've got Mr O missioning it this week as coming up to SWI spontaneous sexy time at the weekend. The explanation I got seemed entirely plausible. To explain in more detail: semen is obv made up of other things apart from just sperm. As long as there are enough sperms that move quickly and not deformed then all a low volume means is that you have less of the other contributory fluids. She convinced me that this is helpful for us as the sperms are more concentrated in the sample and, therefore, the bits that do stay in be more beneficial as they have more sperm in. Larger volumes with normal sperm levels in are just less concentrated. The more overall fluid there is, the more likely you are to naturally expel it and thus you lose more of the sperms. Not sure how well I have explained that but you get my drift. Bottom line was not to worry about anything around 1ml - so long as rest of the figures were ok.

I wouldn't stress too mcuh about leakage. I have done yet more obsessing reading and although I try to lie with bum on a pillow for 20 mins after, this is strictly not necessary as enough gets left at the cervix to do the job. I don't feel I can stop doing this yet as a) I enjoy a lie down for a bit after b) I am way too neurotic to risk losing anymore of the good stuff than I have to!

Right here we go...

You know how every SINGLE time we really go for it SWI-style, I get mid-cycle pink bleeding 6/7DPO, think hoopla! implantation bleeding! (because for 20 years I have had a clockwork cycle with no mid-cycle spottage and, in my opinion, 'tis too much of a coincidence that the ONLY times this ever happens is when we've SWId lots at ovulation, and it's always precisely 6/7 days latter that pink stuff starts up), and then I have a weird period?

Well, bingo. After a 2 month break (you guessed it! No mid-cycle spotting!), we SWI'd again, and boom, at exactly the same point in my cycle, exactly the same spotting.

So of course now I just have to wait for the inevitable 2WOOFL (50% of me going MAKE IT STICK MAKE IT STICK! and the other 50% going STOP BEING A MENKULIST!), followed by the almost certainly inevitable 10 days of brown string and strangeness.

Ah well.

Sorry, now that's out of my system I shall return to my ordinary cheery unselfish self

HB, I hope your smear went speculumtastic yesterday (I forgot to smooch you for your bravery yesterday. How remiss!) and as for caffeine, then I think it's part of the bundle of things that h'experts advise women to either cut out or cut down on: booze, fags, caffeine, crappy food, stress, poor sleep, answering your man back, education, having a job, wearing revealing clothes, not being in the 1950s, being over 35, etc., etc.

Caffeine is a toxin and a stress-maker, which cannae be good for conception, innit. Although I am a health nazi and see caffeine, cow's milk and artificial sweeteners as a triumverate of absolute evil, so my views on the matter might be a tad, well, menkul hardcore

Oh, although this time it might be spotting cos of my smear yesterday, no?

HONESTLY! I never know whether to be pleased because a change to an ordinarily clockwork cycle indicates SOMETHING happening at least, or annoyed because nothing comes of it.

Hello Scoresonthedoors. It was fine thank you - I think the last woman had maybe been a bit sort of brisk, and this one was v. slow and gentle and left me wondering what the devil the fuss had been about .

Am still at the VisageLivre sacking. It's genuinely absurd. However I feel all sort of fizzy and hopeful that this will instigate A New Chapter.

Cheers Ork.

HBanger I gotta say, dat IZ weird. Don't have mucho useful advice apart from the usual GP's / consultants... Have you ever tried doing a pregnancy test around the time of bleed? Not that I am trying to increase your mekul or anyfink.

Score what's the thing about cow's milk? I never got it. Why is it bad for ya?

All this creative name changing is confusing me I'm thick.

Where's Cass? We want Cass.

Shit. I will look at today's posts in a minute but in the meantime, AIBU to be v offended at that stupid website saying I write like Stephanie Meyer? Isn't that kind of like saying I write like Judy Blume? ie the mental age of my intended audience should be about 12? My ego is crashing.

Ooops, didn't refresh - HB, that spotting is v Acupuncture has really helped my early/weird spotting (although not ideal... yet). In any case, I think you should see your GP about it. I want my Bangers to win one of them there baybees

Thanks again peeps for job reassurance, but I only have a v lowly p-t job. All the long-termers here have had my tales of woe, but basically I became seriously ill at 21 and actually have very little actual work experience and what I do have is very sporadic, crappy and mainly things like working in shops (was a copy editor 10 yrs ago but industry moves so fast it counts for naught). So I've always been stuck in a loop where I don't get lower-paid job because they're confused by my MA (this is not being snooty - I've had soooo many people asking me why I'm applying for a job when I'm ridiculously overqualified for it and that they worry I would make people feel bad about themselves, being v educated, etc. - which I wouldn't and don't, but heyho) and I can't get even a middling sort of job, never mind a 'good' job because I don't have any experience in the sort of jobs you'd expect a graduate or 30-summat person to have and coupled with a really long bad health history and being a childless woman in her late 30s (not to mention my genetic inability to take orders from anyone or to respect authority), absolutely no fucker will take a chance on me. 80% of all jobs I've actually had have been through friends either employing me or persuading their boss to take me on too. All this is why I'm trying to think up something I can do at home. But I am a jack-of-all-trades and don't have experience with anything, really, so is super-shitty position to be in. Only reason am not freaking out yet is cos babyfail trumps the sadness over it and that it doesn't feel real yet

BESHES! I think we should save BESHory Towers until September, so it is proper back to school stuff Someone else should take a turn - something summery to reflect the Mass Summer Diffment Project. ANY IDEAS?

Plus, not only did it say I write like Stephanie Meyer but it said so under a massive banner offering me help to become a better writer. Goddammit.

that confirms it i will defo give up the coffee. it has a pretty adverse effect on me esp if i drink more than one cup. used to make me pretty sick and give me palpitations so i didnt drink it for years but think i have managed to build up a bit of a tolerance mainly by adding lots of milk and sugar (when i put it like that i just think WHY?) it does taste good tho.

caramel latte anyone?

headbangles that does sound v odd. must be very hard not knowing what is causing it. perhaps the smear will shed some light? i know i totally FREAKED out when i had that one month of mid cycle bleeding but then that was v unusual for me and it was bright red not broooon. to begin with got all excited that it was implantation but went on too long and then i got my droid in full force. they never found out what was up and put it down to 'one of those things' (always a helpful diagnosis that)

scorps sounds like you are a prime candidate to start your own business. i am really tempted to steal the BESHly teeshirt ideas from you, want in? you can write the slogans from home and i'll print em. my latest was:

'please don't ask why i haven't had a baby yet, as a kick in the vagina often offends' too direct? i think you can and already have done better.

Bessie, i got someone i had to google. so at least yours is a well known writer ;-)

Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. One of these mornings, you're gonna rise up diffed, so spread your legs and you'll take to the MSDP.

Or summat? I thought chilled Gerswhin is kinda nice for August.

Or something from 'August and Everything After' which could fit our generayshon.