30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

Lyra - that sounds truly horrid. Think you are indeed DHB! It made my insides curl up and feel squirly!!

Glad it's over for you.

is there still room for a newb?
i've put my flashdance outift on to impress you all...

Aw Lyra you poor thing. It sounds like a shockingly invasive and downright weird thing to experience, and tbh I imagine it would be painful/distressing for most people. I remember cam having nasty time of it...

Is good news for yer toobz tho! Take it easy and get lots of cuddles...

I have gone soft. Have no energy for violence and all the candles have made me turn to mush.

Gosh, that sounds tough, Lyra, good news that your tubes are good though.

The candles were such a lovely idea, well done Cass. I felt proud to be a BESH and it was nice to be able to physically DO something.

Come on then sausage, fill in the questionnaire and we'll have a look at you . I find it most amusing that when we advertise for newbies, we get three within hours - goodness knows how many other lurkers are out there in cyberspace

I miss wildfig and HCS on here, definitely still counting them - which gets us up to 10 plus 3 newbs.

Welcome newbs, you seem like good sorts who know their BESH lore. Tell us about yourself sausagegirl.

Lyra that sounds so horrible, you poor love. So glad OH was with you. Good news on the tubes though.

Aargh, forgot Lyra. I think I was blocking out the horribleness. It sounds awful Lyra. I think you are a DBH for going through it.

Fuck Lyra I have gone green just reading about that. You poor thing. I don't think you're soft at all. The thing about childbirth (I imagine) is that it's mostly a productive paid whereas this just sounds tortuous.

Don't cry, Polly

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Yes - we used to sneak gin into alevel maths classes to ease the pain of quadratic equations.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Gold digger, he's 11 years my senior

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

I'd say d, but I'm Jewish, so I guess it has to be c. Although, my dad once convinced a 6 year old that the little baby Jesus would be staying with us over Christmas.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

I think I'm the first of my friends that is trying, so I haven't been consulted about peesticks, but at work there seems to be a magic chair that you sit on and then ta-da - your boobs double in size and you're diffed.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

b - I've only had 28 days in total this year that I wasn't hosting the little metal bugger

6. what colour are your walls?
   Cream

7. Number of pets?
   None, although the cat next door tried to adopt us when she was going to have kittens

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Tony Adams, captain of Arsenal a number of years ago

9. Lesbian crush?
   Rachel Weisz

10. What are your views on camping?
    Never again, not since the awfulness that was Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award camping

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

None this year as my body eats itself from the inside out.

Do I need to do an extra test for to join the Norf Lahndaners?

In an effort to bribe you (as a first year would to the 6th form prefects), I've put some jugs of Pimms on the bar and Wuthering Heights on the sound-system

Hold on in there babygin. Candle up here oop norf.

Are we counting ExtremelyGorgeous in our tally too?

Plz to tell us more about your body eating itself Sausage I am intrigued nosyconcerned.

Sausage - 5b - what the feck is that about then?

Fanks all for sympafy. Forgot to mention, asked the doc for HO's jizz results while we were there - fine except only 6% morphologically normal, same as your chap Cass. Again, she didn't think it was a problem - don't see how it's not, if 15% is supposed to be the minimum? Although appreciate Humpy's experience proves it can be done with much less than 6%.

Please Sossies, don't encourage me to do my 'famous' impression of Kate Bush - I'm trying to delude convince you newbs I'm a classy bird

RunningMan, that sounds blardy awful. So glad HO was with you to be your personal hunky male nurse. I hope you're feeling much better now. I think the thing is with childbirth vs nasty procedures is that childbirth is natural and the pain, whilst immeasurable, makes 'sense' (I'm guessing - all existing mamas feel free to disavow me of notion) but having clamps and balloons and whatnot is totally unnatural. Am really fucking glad they did my HSG whilst I was under during my Lap and they then gave me the heavy drucks.

BUT your tubes are clear and having that reassurance is worth the pain (probably)

Gin, SO pleased that the bleeding seems to be slowing. It can't fuck off quick enough for our liking. I hope you can feel the BESHlove keeping everything super-velcroed warming you like many candle flames. I played 'there is a light that never goes out' for you earlier. More hugs xx

Pol, pricks were fantastic, ta for asking. Felt so energised afterwards and after complaining of not having much FFJ, it started a-flowing virtually straight after (tmi-tastic). I feel quietly confident about this cycle - am really working on PMA at all times.

Salty, big hug for my fellow scented candle gal

I love you gals xxxx

Yes extreme is included on our database list

Aw scorps

thanks for all the candles. Am going to sleep now and just hope that tiny tiny heart keeps beating through the night.

Will be off to epu at 8.30 or so tomorrow.

Love you all and thanks for helping me get through this xx

extreme if you're still there...

xxxx

and gin if you are still there ...

continental candle on the go too.

good luck tomorrow x

Will be thinking of you as soon as I wake up ginsters. Hope you get some sleep xx

lyra That sounds awful, love. Owie. Hope you have had lots of sweet tea and chocolate - for the shock.

Loving the new Palais de Danse. Am pausing Kate Bush to sing along to the Best Poodle Rock evah - the Jovi. Livin' On A Prayer.

More newbs! Like the outfit, sossages.

And am heading home now and will light the gincandle and stick it in the window. Tho this might have Cornish wreckers stylee effects on Thames. We shall see.

Oh my gawd Lyra, you had me at the words "clamped" and "cervix". You poor thing.

Gin - really hope you have a peaceful night.

Scorps - are you a late October Scorp, perchance?

Lyra & Gin - hope things ease for you soon

Scorps - if you have a floaty dress and a wind machine then you're ready for anything

as for 5b (tmi alert) - i started bleeding heavily and in frightening amounts in oct 09 and it didn't stop and i was fobbed off by my gp over a period of 6 months. i was lethargic during the day, exhausted in the evening, dizzy spells etc. i'm lucky enough to be covered by my bloke's health insurance that his work provides so i took the drastic step for a guardian reading liberal of going private.

i was seen within a week, had blood tests & a dildocam and it turned out that i'm hosting a fibroid and both ovaries are covered in cysts. the consultant wanted me to have a hysteroscopy but i had to have iron tablets for 2 months as i was becoming severely anaemic.

the hysteroscopy was last week and they can't take the fibroid away as it would risk losing the uterus. i've got new shiny tablets and a follow-up appointment with the consultant in a couple of weeks to see what my options are.

as for 5b, r2d2 is my lodger and should be paying me rent. i would do almost anything for an entire day and night of no bleeding.

Sausage. Poor sausage seems v v apt. It sounds hideous, so sorry.

Lesaucisson, that sounds quite literally bloody awful My God, I can't imagine how terrible it must be to bleed so much, never mind the pain and fertility worries. Is it too early on in our acquaintance for me to rock you gently in my arms (and then slip you the tongue)? And yep, am late-Oct Scorp (quite simply the best).

Luckily - or sadly - this is not a fred where we're all happyhappy joyjoy and planning the exact birth dates of our sprogs because all we have to do is see a pair of Y-fronts and find ourselves spontaneously carrying triplets. So make yourself at home.

BTW, I have a floaty dress AND mental KB hair so am good to go. Although, as my Dad would cruelly point out, am more Nana Mouskouri. All you caaahs who know what I look like can stop chortling n all

Hurrah for a late Oct Scorp. Clearly the best kind. Not the 27th by any chance? That would be spooooky.

Sausage - you're a north London Jew, eh? I used to live in Golders Green.