Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

Nah, Kim, my folks are cool and not at all out-of-touch. Think they were going to bung me a fiver but only had £1.50 in loose change but enough of that - how is the prune juice? Have been worrying 'boutcha.

Camel - your description of your useless Ex sounds worryingly familiar... was he two-timing me with you, beyatch (he didn't have an affair, to my knowledge, but you are a mighty tasty temptress)? If so, we should've both dumped him and shacked up together

BTW, have you ever thought of releasing a diet book? That one sounds a winner!

Gin, are you sure that Mani is old enough for beer? Mind you, my Dad you give me a drop in my lemo when I was wee and it never did me any harm

I went to town, I'm back, it rained, it were crap. Meh.

Has anyone seen Firefly? Now that is kickarse!

Is it wrong to have bought a Buffy series then phoned in sick for 2 days to watch it?

Anyway, kim - I remembered this evening that I've read around here that the EPU at St. Thomas' is walk in - so if you have a wobbly this weekend, day or night - just get yourself up there.

scorp St Ex the Martyr is definitely a type, isn't he? Revolting sleazebag. Firefly! Captain Tightpants! Have just added him to the cages, too. He's being witty and self-deprecating while wearing nothing but breeches & boots. Mmm.

ski I would have called in sick for Buffy, too.

Medee I am going to speak sternly to you, because it is advice I need to hear, too. This ttc lark is not an exact science, and timing sex as if it is will only make sex feel more like a chore. If it's got to that stage, it's time to pull back a little and focus on you. If you're worried about whether or not you're ovulating go to the gp and if necessary lie about how long you've been trying.

Opks are notoriously unreliable, esp if your cycle is long or unpredictable. If you really want to work out what's happening, temping might help, but it'll take a while to settle down.

All advice at the moment seems to be have sex every 2 to 3 days over the course of your cycle. However, I know that's dificult when you get to the stage of feeling like it's a chore.

Dictatorial moment over. Apols if it's patronising, it's the stern talking-to that I have been giving myself for the last few days and now you're on the receiving end!

medee I understand 48 hours is about the maximum time that the little swimmers stay viable. As far as the best predictors for timing it right, I can only talk about my experience. Last time I used opk sticks but it was not very successful, and took well over a year of total hit an miss and lots of money spent on pee sticks. This time I read up to try to understand my cycle better, and after a few months decided to use the fertility awareness method as per the TCOYF book (temping). My first month of following the method I conceived. (A tiny little part of me is annoyed at this, as that is exactly what the smug book predicts, but hey, it was worth it.) I also did what camel describes and just did it every 3 days throughout the cycle, but my gut feeling is that the extra focus around the actual ovulation day is what did it.

Now just to give you something to snort over, do you want to hear about what a total slag I really am? The most horrendous thing happened last night. MrP and I were talking about people's names and he said 'oh that reminds me of X Y (unusual name) a guy I went to school with in Singapore'. I froze on the spot and said 'What? I know him' when what I really meant is, 'I have slept with him' !!

I was dying inside trying to hide my reaction, and MrP said, it's funny I was just thinking about him the other day because I saw his website for the business he's running now, here I'll show you, look at his photo, etc. My heart was beating about a million to the second and my face was on fire. I was sure he was going to twig that I more than just knew him, but didn't seem to. (Or maybe he suspected and didn't want to embarass me, as he knows I had a bit of a 'party life' before we met.) This was definitely a very shameful "faster cowboy" drunken episode which I had nearly managed to forget ever happened. I am nice and respectable now.

Luckily MrP thinks the guy is a wanker so (fingers crossed) is unlikely to make contact, but I feel like my sluttish youth has come back to haunt me. What are the odds of this? His school friend from the other side of the world? My sluttishness even crosses international borders.

haha, what are the odds?

I moved to Brussels in 99 and met a whole bunch of new people. Sat at work one day my best friend at the time forwarded me an email she'd got from a friend of hers living in Brussels, inviting us to a concert. I replied "X??? You know X?" - I had to admit that not only did I "know" X, but that I'd "known" him at uni whilst dressed as a nun...

Expat communities are the very worst for this.

Erm, I saw an Ex on an advert for Asda last year, accepting some fish from Ian Wright - does this count?

Poor Medee. I hate the shagging-as-chore thing too. Cos of various work/knackeredness issues, me and TYF simply can't SWI every 2 days for 3 weeks, so we just do it as often as possible and 'go for it' around OV time. Don't think it's promising if you OVed yesterday and the last sexy time was Monday, BUT POK tests give you a positive for a surge in LH-wotsit, which means you're about to OV, so maybe a shag today wouldn't be too late? Get them posh knickers on and give him the eye

Well, I have crippling water retention to the point where I look like a transvestite Humpty Dumpty and a spot so big that I had to cross 2 separate time zones to cover it up, so I'm glad that I'm now off to my Gran's 90th b-day party where it'll be photo-a-go-go. . Still, will be nice to spoil her rotten

My droid only lasted 2 days of no-heavier-than-usual bleeding and a tiny bit of pink yesterday, That's not good is it? So I've now gone from textbooks menstrual cycles 'n' menstruation to late ovulation, weird braaaahn bits marathons and a womb that's got getting rid of its gunk properly. Could there be a better environment for an egg to latch onto? Or indeed get fertilised in the first place? Sigh WHY has it all changed as soon as we started TTC? Grrrr.

I'll be gin's patsy #2 on the politics thing. (I have enough of that through other venues.) And I've never seen an episode of Buffy but MrShine loves all of that shit vampire stuff - Buffy, True Blood, Twilight... and some other on HBO.

If it's trash tv you want, I'm much more into the Kardashians or Real Housewives (those bitches boggle my mind!), othewise it's a steady diet of home improvement shows about how I could potentially fix things, build things, renovate my bathrooms, kitchen and indeed whole life, if I could just get off the couch the tools and time.

off the couch

Hey where the fuck is kimdeal? am concerned now.

hello BESHs how are you all fareing? Is anyone 2WOOFLing with me? I POAS this afternoon with my most diluted wee of the day so far and 2 days early. Waste of a bloody stick obviously!

I generally hate TV - just annoys the shit out of me and I think it's been dumbed down more than ever. Even if you watch a documentary it's like they're explaining things to 8 year olds and heaven help if there are advert breaks as the first 5 minutes after the break are devoted to reminding you what they told you 10 minutes ago. zzzzzzzzz pricks.

I've also made a decision about my weight. I've decided I'm going to be one of those women who have the weight "simply melt away" whilst breastfeeding. Does that sound a reasonable decision to you guys?

ponymum I am still so chuffed for you not being the oldest pony in show!

Yo yo yo ski! where is everyone?

I'm fluctuating between the usual 2WOOFL stuff and thinking 'ah fuck it,why should it be this month anyway??' have just bought some expensive,lovely,very tight jeans tho which is surely a sign I'll have a giant belly soon??

am due sometime after 17th not sure when as cycles a bit dodgy.

The weight thingy-well that did actually happen to me...to the point where I looked like a skeleton. Mmm nice.

I would like to hear from kim am worried that she's gone quiet after her stuff last week. Really hope she's ok and has just wondered off somewhere.

Hello. My name is extreme and I have been hiding in a dark hole. Please may I come out now as I am VERY thirsty?!

Extreme!!

FFS we sent a search party out for you and now we're going to have to go to the pub to find them and bring them back! Are you ok little friend?

Yay it's extreme! Well come back old girl. Have a sit down and a fag and a hearty punch to the shoulder.

Hello my pretty little flowwers! Thank you for my warm welcome home and sorry for being MIA. I went on my hols, came back and have been inhabiting an area of self loathing meets puppy minding. Its a long story but I am back now! Knickers full of blood...no babies.. the usual Smiths like disappointment in life, but generally alive. I have missed you lot loads. Glad to hear there have been BFP's in my absence. Sorry to hear of turmoil for my other beauties. I know its not the form on here to offer cuddles and weeping love - option preferred being head butts and chinese burns, but you know I'm a soppy ol soul! OH says Hi! He is drunk and he was asking if OH's ever commented on here. I pointed out that it were only through our voices, but I appreciate his interest and I thought ye might tooo!
God how I have missed ye!!!! xxx

ginhag Well the jeans sound like an excellent way to encourage the BFP. I feel very much in limbo - despite the few flutters I felt last week and a few this evening I have had no symptoms/PMT whatsoever, including the disappearance of the giant zit I get on my chin. Also, because this is the Palace, I'm proud to announce I got the shits on friday morning which was very "progesterone surgey" of me. We shall see. I may POAS tomorrow morning - they're superdrug 10 micromil ones.

I'm not sure I want skeletal - I'd just like to avoid frumpy-suburban mummy. It's bad enough that I'm covered in dog hair but I don't want to look like I wear vegan shoes too.

I too am worried about kim because I fear the naughty girl was head-in-sand, or maybe she's just as cool as a cucumber.

extremesitting I'm so glad you're back and I also think that both our Patsy Stone comments are very apt! (extreme's was about Betty Ford, mine about stopping eating/chopping off tits)

We did worry you know, I even stalked your fb page looking for phone numbers so I could text pest you.

And longwee and cunty - looksee - all the periodpants gang are present!

Hey extremelyshitfaced we really did think you'd fucked off n left us...hurrah you are back!

My only symptom ish type thing is feeling very very bloated (of course,the massive roast mr gin cooked this afternoon n the very very tight jeans have nothing to do with that!)

ski skeletal wasn't planned,am not posh spice. Just my body went a bit bonkers with the 24 hour breastfeeding (approx every oooo..20 mins or so...) combined with the mania of being a terrified new mum that had this mental baby type creature that Did Not Fucking Sleep!

I am more normal sized now n jolly happy not to be getting constant worried looks/comments etc etc.

Talking of MIA what the heck has happened to Skater? As far as I can see she hasn't put in an appearance at all on this thread. Does everyone else know something I don't?

longwee I've not had a peep out of her - here or fb.

I certainly don't weewee... skater's normal style is just to storm in and out of the palace every now and then just like tankgirl (that is because she is tankgirl) but she hasn't dropped in for aaaaaages.

they all leave in the end...

ski I'm at the front end of a 2 week mild interest in anything unusual, and I can confidently report an increase in the amount of wind being produced. This might be normal.

Next druid due when I'm away at an Important Conference so it is practically inevitable. Luckily it's not a bridal convention or a showcase for new surgical scrubs or summat whereupon I would anticipate the world's heaviest period/chempreg miscarriage which demonstrate to the world my ability to bleed out.

extreme I was thinking about you the other day when I washed my dressing-gown

cunty you just made me snort with laughter and narrowly miss spitting red wine all over my new top.

extreme you is back! The Scientologists let you go! Hurrah! Hello everyone else.

Bah. Sunday night. My homework's not done and I forgot to put my PE kit in the wash and I have double maths first thing tomorrow.