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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!

999 replies

Augusthomotherium · 10/06/2015 19:57

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of TinyChat is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
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31
honeysucklejasmine · 11/06/2015 18:46

Niff!

honeysucklejasmine · 11/06/2015 18:47

It's great Country!

justtheonethen · 11/06/2015 20:01

I love my steam cleaner. Too scared to use it on my wood floor, it's engineered though, can I? Anyone that does?

country fucking hell, shag shag shag! Bit sad we aren't cycle buddies anymore!
In the spirit of full confession my af has finished, so only one proper day of it, and so obviously I poas. Bfn. Obviously. I didn't even draw one on like country Wink

Had a lovely day. I do a day a month volunteering for NSPCC schools service so did that then met sister and nephew for lots of cuddles. Did get baby bombed. Friend who has been trying since we have. V happy for her but v Envy
Totally outed myself now I expect!

justtheonethen · 11/06/2015 20:02

What is zoflora?

Ooh thermometer and conceive plus arrived not that there's any point this month with dp away

Littlechocolatebiscuit · 11/06/2015 20:19

I just ordered the conceive plus too.

Fivemonkeysjumpingonthebed · 11/06/2015 20:40

Oh Just you have just reminded me, I have unopened box of preseed and a new thermometer. Arrived day of bfp. Right, that's the plan of action when this is all done. Good to have a plan.

CountryGal4 · 11/06/2015 20:58

Just I'm probably not even icing. Just bonkers fanjo again. Also how can I ice without you as we basically share a fanjo remember. One day af? That's a bit bloody weird!!

Ain626 · 11/06/2015 20:59

I don't have a steam cleaner.... Should I have one?

I'm Googling present ideas. I'm totally stuck. It's Fathers day soon - no idea to get my dad he's really hard to buy for. Then it's DH's birthday in a few weeks and then my sisters birthday and dads birthday in August - both big birthdays!

Ain626 · 11/06/2015 21:00

I'm sure DH wouldn't appreciate a steam cleaner for his birthday...

5hell · 11/06/2015 21:03

just good chance to get in temping habit and hopefully get an idea of icing in advance of dh return. Plus if u miss a couple of days it wont be critical

justtheonethen · 11/06/2015 21:05

Bought a teak garden table, 6 chairs and a chiminea for £25! Chair need sanding but it's great! Finally got rid of our "temporary" eyesore white plastic set.
So on that, I want to make seat pads, what type of fabric do I need?
Aware this ie NFMGF (garden furniture) rather than vagina but to be fair there's nowt going in my vagina

justtheonethen · 11/06/2015 21:07

You viroids always find a silver lining, temping practice is good idea.

Yes country we are one (vagina) so don't you dare!

justtheonethen · 11/06/2015 21:08

Yes ain they are fab! Even better if I can do my wood floor. honey oh wise onecan I?

lildottie · 11/06/2015 21:10

I agree with 5hell it will be good to have a cycle temping without analysing every post ov temp to decide if yr pg like jelly did and drive yourself mad!

justtheonethen · 11/06/2015 21:17

Should I still temp post ov though?

jellypi3 · 11/06/2015 21:28

Haha I was a nightmare for post ov temps, I don't recommend it, it does drive you bonkers. I was convinced AF was coming this cycle because of post ov temps.

CountryGal4 · 11/06/2015 21:34

You shouldn't really temp past ice I sometimes do

MyBlackCat · 11/06/2015 21:37

NFMV: is that AF got me. FFS I'm not sure how much more of this I can take, what is wrong with me? Contemplating having a break, next cycle is difficult anyway as DH and I are both out of the country for a time so it may be a good time to try and forget about getting pg for a while.

Lil how do you keep going month after month?

Got a scan to try and find out what's wrong so at least I am doing something. AngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

justtheonethen · 11/06/2015 21:40

black sorry love. Its shit isn't it. I'm feeling the same about this cycle with dp away. I need a break for my sanity but I'm too scared to. Hugs to you

honeysucklejasmine · 11/06/2015 22:01

Just zoflora is scented disinfectant. Ga has problems with bleach products.

Where the hell did your furniture come from? I need chairs. Also, I would prob make one that's cotton on one side and tablecloth fabric (wipe clean stuff from The Range or the like... Vinyl!) Then you're sorted all weathers. Personally think vinyl is better but might not be nice to sit on. Plain old water proof backing is ugly, so tablecloths are a nice alternative. Also good to make changing mats with, much prettier without spending a million pounds. Lastly, mine says it can be used on SEALED wood... Nothing porous. I have laminate, and I wasn't sure, so turned it off and pushed it quickly around using the residual heat, which was plenty to remove muddy footprints.

Phew. Thumb ache now!

honeysucklejasmine · 11/06/2015 22:02

Oh. And you can get foam for seat pads from Dunelm Mill.

lildottie · 11/06/2015 22:05

just normally I'd say don't temp after ov but if dh is away and you won't be stressing about being pg then it might be good to have one while cycle of temps to refer to. I temped all cycle at first but stopped after about 3 because of the crazy!

black I think I gave up on the idea of natural conception the day we got dhs first sa results. don't get me wring we have never stopped trying and have still timed DTD perfectly every month but after that af was the expected outcome rather than bfp. the 10-18month mark was the worst while we waited for tests/referrals/reasons.

Littlechocolatebiscuit · 11/06/2015 22:08

How do you know when you're icing based on temps? Does your app work it out for you? I tried it before I got pg without using an app and my temp charts seemed to be random squiggles with no pattern so I gave up.

Lookingforadvice123 · 11/06/2015 22:09

Hi jsers sorry I haven't been on this thread in a long while, I'm over on the grads thread and its hard enough keeping track there. Hope all is well here, I miss the shagging, dh and I have done it twice since BFP (6+ weeks!) which I think is a record. And even then it made me motion sick Sad

FeatheredTail · 11/06/2015 22:17

Hi lovlies

Had my 7+4 scan today and it didn't show a yolk sac, heartbeat and only measured to five weeks. Sonographer said it was undetermined as to whether the pregnancy is viable.

I think I know in my heart it's not. My symptoms have all gone and there's no way my dates are wrong.

Seeing midwife on Monday and getting bloods done tomorrow.

Grads have been lovely but feeling so devastated. DH is telling my to be optimistic but I don't see the point. Feeling so low.