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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!

999 replies

Augusthomotherium · 10/06/2015 19:57

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of TinyChat is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
CarrotPuff · 12/06/2015 11:41

Feathered I'm so sorry Flowers Please be kind to yourself.

Five it doesn't matter how far along you were, there are no "shoulds" about your feelings. I'm glad you are seeing your family, go get looked after Flowers

Black I hope you can get some answers soon, some Wine meantime?

Fivemonkeysjumpingonthebed · 12/06/2015 12:25

Thank you Lil and Carrot. Black I hope you're scan goes okay today Flowers. I missed that earlier, sorry.
Feathered hope you're taking care of yourself. Relieved for you that you aren't going to have to wait as long for some clarity. I'm just waiting for call back now. Nurse was lovely and happy to answer and talk me through lots of questions.

FeatheredTail · 12/06/2015 12:49

Five glad you're getting the support you need. Can I ask what stage you are at?

CountryGal4 · 12/06/2015 14:05

Nfmv: playing jizz or ewcm. Can't bloody tell again

FeatheredTail · 12/06/2015 14:17

Tissue test country!

honeysucklejasmine · 12/06/2015 14:27

SIL had baby. Not crying! Amazing!

Fivemonkeysjumpingonthebed · 12/06/2015 14:34

Feathered by my dates only 5+6.

CountryGal4 · 12/06/2015 14:39

I know but I still struggle to tell. Dtd last night had some when wiping an hour ago. Clear and stretchy. More likely jizz/concieve plus right?!?

MyBlackCat · 12/06/2015 14:44

I've had my scan, fortunately it was ultrasound and my bladder was full enough to not need the internal - lady said all looked fine but will send report to doctor. Got my day 21 blood results and all ok there too, didn't get figures as just over the phone, going in on Monday for day 2-4 bloods, so will ask then. Got to get DH to get a sperm analysis done now too.

Not sure how I feel, obviously glad that everything seems to be ok, but no closer to an explanation of why it's not happening for us. I hope to god that DH spermies are ok, not sure how he would handle it, he's very masculine if that makes sense and think he would find it difficult if the issue was with him.

Maybe I won't suggest a break to DH - we just keep going.......

ThanksThanksThanks

MyBlackCat · 12/06/2015 14:45

Sorry that was meant to be ThanksThanksThanksThanks for feathered and five thinking of you both x

picklethistle · 12/06/2015 15:29

I'm so sorry feathered and five FlowersFlowers what terrible news. Hope your both ok, thinking of you.

Congratulations Auntie honey enjoy new baby snuggles Smile

NFMV: still witchy. Pissy sticks arrived today, genuinely curious to know when I ovulate as I am still oblivious.

SockQueen · 12/06/2015 15:41

So sorry Feathered and Five. Flowers

NFMV: started using pissy sticks again as I'm hypothetically mid-cycle. No joy yet, but trying to do it EOD anyway. Tried to make appointment with GP to discuss results/further plans, but nothing available for weeks, so they advised me to ring up in the morning next week (on the days when he's working and I'm not!) to see if I can get a same day appt - but I don't really feel like it's a same-day sort of situation at all.

Otherwise not doing too badly, am in a fog of exam panic so just trying to get through that (on the 23rd) with some semblance of sanity intact. Did some baking today - the banana oat muffins from the MN recipe pages, and they're pretty nice and v low cal, which is a winner!

5hell · 12/06/2015 16:22

country by now i'd think that was ewcm - assuming you've been to the loo a few times I'd think surplus seminal fluid would be long gone? gx and keep shagging

thought we'd been doing well at the shagging, but checking Glow it seems we've managed every 2 days over fertile period, not eod...could be worse i guess, but must do better

thank god it's friday...sadly quite exceited about new TFI friday tonight, but also worried i'll be dissapointed and feel old Confused

lildottie · 12/06/2015 16:32

black I think the best way to support your dh if he does have an issue is talking it as a "we" issue. for us its never been a big deal who was infertile, and my dh was actually pleased that I was ok as its my body that has to keep the pg alive (yeah i'm aware that's hilarious given the circumstances). but when I talk about our struggle its always in my mind as "we" are struggling with infertility, not "my husband is infertile". does that make sense? and if he does have an issue get him straight on 1000mg vitamin c, zinc and selenium!

ThursdayLast · 12/06/2015 17:15

Anyone for a first world problem?

I have been to the shops in this god awful rain and bought all the ingredients to make a Guinness cake...apart from the soured cream
What an idiot!

NFMV - AF turned up again for an hour or two, but has now departed again Confused

MyBlackCat · 12/06/2015 17:22

Thanks lil for the advice, I've already got him vitamin C but he's not been too good at taking it, this will hopefully give him the kick up the backside that he needsSmile

5hell I'm looking forward to tfi Friday too but I shall be recording it as I am out at an 18th birthday party Angry it's an evening where I will be feeling v old! On the plus side there is a hog roast mmm..

Fivemonkeysjumpingonthebed · 12/06/2015 17:26

Black when my DH had to do the jizz test recently he found it useful to be forewarned that afterwards he just had to put his sample in a slot in the wall, buzz a bell then leave through a side entrance. If imagine they have a similar set up in most clinics?

lildottie · 12/06/2015 17:32

ha I had to run through a maze of hospital corridors with it and knock on a lab door and hand it to some girl in a lab coat with a thousand piercings!

MyBlackCat · 12/06/2015 17:58

Ha! No idea what the process will be for him - first need to get him to GP to get referred. Can he do it at home then take it in? Or will he do it there? DH is a teacher so difficult to get out in working hours - at least summer hols are approaching so there will be no excuse then Wink

lildottie · 12/06/2015 18:02

we had to do at home. could only do there if lived too far away or special circumstances. also had to get it in between 9 and 9.30. got it in at 9.29 first time cos of the bloody traffic! sample has to be fresh as possible, kept warm and less than an hour since ejaculation

Littlechocolatebiscuit · 12/06/2015 18:38

thursday Guinness cake sounds lovely!

ThursdayLast · 12/06/2015 19:01

It is! Cream cheese icing

But now I have to wait til tomorrow Sad

Fivemonkeysjumpingonthebed · 12/06/2015 19:02

Lil that made me smile Smile. Guess it's different everywhere. DH had to make an appointment and do it there, home wasn't an option given. Did say that if we needed one we wouldn't get a referral until both of us had been tested.

ThursdayLast · 12/06/2015 19:59

Are you all doing things that don't involve refreshing MN every 30 seconds?

lildottie · 12/06/2015 20:27

I'm just watching TV. sending dh out for Ben and Jerry's. shouldn't really as I'm supposed to be losing weight...a stone to go.