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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!

999 replies

Augusthomotherium · 10/06/2015 19:57

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of TinyChat is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
OP posts:
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31
ThursdayLast · 26/06/2015 13:19

second I had to go back about four threads until the link to the spreadsheet worked for me

ThursdayLast · 26/06/2015 13:21

Black do you like Kate Atkinson? life after life or a God in ruins are good.

Also the Rivers of London series by Ben Aaronovitch - magical sleuthing in London.

SecondCupOfTea · 26/06/2015 13:31

Thursday thanks for that, have found a link that works now although arrgghh I might not fill it in as it appears I'll be the oldest on there!

SecondCupOfTea · 26/06/2015 13:37

Ignore that last comment from me...I had a stern word with myself and filled it in. That's the sort of thing age allows you to do surely there has to be some positive to it

justtheonethen · 26/06/2015 14:06

Well done second, v mature Grin probably good the sticks aren't here! Less temptation to poatooearlys!

Can't remember who said what but I love to read on holiday. I read a book a day too! I've recently read Rachel abbot, Patrick Redmond, Harlan coban, Paula daly and Sophie Hannah's books and loved them all.

My favourite this year has been gone girl or before I go to sleep. I'm also really into murakami, beautiful wonderfully weird Japanese books. Translated obv!

CountryGal4 · 26/06/2015 14:15

Can second gone girl. Am a Stephen king and Jeffrey Deaver gal. Any suggestions for next read for me would be good too as am without a book to read soon. Love holidays purely as dh doesn't judge me for how much I read. Half my suitcase is taken up with books haha

SecondCupOfTea · 26/06/2015 17:11

For some unknown reason well, I'm at home on my own bored and it's payday, so that might be why I've just ordered loads of ic sticks (25 preggy ones, and 50 icing ones). My original and no doubt now feeling inferior and utterly insecure 5 ptk's haven't even arrived yet.

I think I need to get a grip. Will go and make fish pie (not a euphemism)

Tinkfromlovejoy · 26/06/2015 17:28

I ordered loads of hpts from babymad on Amazon and they've never arrived. Emailed and the response was "i'm going on holiday but will resend them in June" wtaf! Must chase them up -I cynically wonder if it's because they are a low value item they think they can get away with it.

Got home to a monster pile of cat sick, it covered the floor, the walls, a lamp and the (pale grey) sofa. Little buggers. They're now waging war on the local pigeon flock, they have some sort of pincer movement hoping on. Does anyone remember Billy Connolys sketch about lionesses? The "psst, Agnes" one? Anyway I have that going on in my garden just now.

justtheonethen · 26/06/2015 17:50

second one day and you're ordering ovulation sticks. I feel responsible!

tink that's a bit crap. Chase them up. Bloody cats, mine puked in my bed once!

justtheonethen · 26/06/2015 18:27

I've got the most horrendous case of skittletits. Bastard hot, itchy and too big for my bras. I hate this part of the cycle. Weirdly it's dp's favourite part Grin

justtheonethen · 26/06/2015 19:49

Hooray dp is back and we are going to the pub! Hurrah for Fridays and miroid back for the weekend.

Accidentally sent him my temp chart earlier. He thinks I'm a lunatic. But thought it was hilarious I was chart swapping with a (RL) friend

5hell · 26/06/2015 20:16

the floor, the walls, a lamp and the (pale grey) sofa ??? You poor thing tink!

second ?!? I'm going to hooyah you super early coz all those sticks are bound to lead thee into temptation ;)

SecondCupOfTea · 26/06/2015 20:46

I know, and I accept the admonishment. Feel calmer after having had fish pie (still not a euphemism, will shag later)

SockQueen · 26/06/2015 21:03

Have seen my latest blood results. Glucose and HbA1c are fine, thankfully (was a bit concerned as I am overweight and my Dad is diabetic) but progesterone

lildottie · 26/06/2015 21:31

could it have been test was at wrong time in cycle sock?

second step away from the sticks. can we all xalk you tea because second is confusing me, I don't realise I'm reading a name even though it's bold! just me then

just yay for the returning miroid and pub, boo for skittletits - buy some bigger bras for the twot!

I think gaggia was the bookshop expert, maybe pop over to the grads and ask her. she was very good!

CountryGal4 · 26/06/2015 22:25

I've been drinking all the gin....

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 26/06/2015 22:25

Welcome tea and an early hooya for the sticks!

justtheonethen · 26/06/2015 22:28

Yes to calling you tea!

Def need some twot bras! and jeans

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 26/06/2015 22:29

Oh, and in the subject of books if you haven't read our seen it i totally recommend the hunger games, technically for teenagers but very addictive. Also any Robin Hobb trilogy if you like fantasy. And a book by Lian Hearn called Across the Nightingale Floor. Amazing book, set in a fictional world based on feudal Japan. But fun to read and pacey. I repeat, amazing book.

CountryGal4 · 26/06/2015 22:48

Insert funny anecdote regarding penises or my fanny. Going to bed.... Tired.

SockQueen · 27/06/2015 00:16

Lil it was on day 24, so if I was having any kind of normal cycle I'd expect it to be more than that, even if not as officially diagnostic as a d21 test. So it looks like I didn't ovulate this month, at least. Still waiting for DH to get his SA sorted out, then hopefully we'll get our referral to the fertility clinic.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 27/06/2015 00:21

So DH has just asked me to POAS to see if I am still ovulating. He says he trusts the sticks more than my judgement.....fair do's
So I POAS. By the time I get a positive result, he's fast asleep.............
A dark line, I have a dark line!!! And he is comatosed!!! Have taken pictures of the dark line to show him in the morning, and I am going to set the alarm....hopefully we can get a shag in before DD wakes up!!

oh tea why so many sticks?!! lol 25 preggy ones??!!! really!!! perhaps you need to get over to craft corner and keep yourself busy!!

hope your appointment went well ain

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 27/06/2015 00:22

sock weren't you recently diagnosed with PCOS? do you have 28 day cycles or longer? would that explain the abnormal results?

TriJo · 27/06/2015 00:38

Another newbie here - pretty much just taking the fuck like bunnies approach to all of this! Still on cycle 1, am on CD41 with two negative tests. No symptoms at all either way.

justtheonethen · 27/06/2015 00:38

Weak country, weak. I expect better.

Sorry to hear that sock, what can they do? Progesterone pessaries?

cold how annoying. Set the alarm and wake him with a fondle

That's lots of sticks tea I totally don't have 50 of each in the cupboard
I'm officially tipsy. Drinking all the drinks. Feeling lots of love for you viroids!