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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!

999 replies

Augusthomotherium · 10/06/2015 19:57

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of TinyChat is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
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31
ChatEnOeuf · 25/06/2015 13:29

Welcome Tea, things can take some time to settle after the implant comes out, so you're best off in here doing all of the shagging :)

I don't understand all of this pissing - unless it's a pregnancy test, them I get in bulk, off t'internet

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 25/06/2015 13:36

Have got the first bit of pant snot in years!!!! whoop whoop whoop!!!
Now trying to think of best way to 1) keep DH awake until I am home from work and 2) to get him in the mood so it doesn't feel too much like a duty shag
Off to cleanse and tone face. May dig a bit of lipgloss out that I can put on just before I get indoors. I won't put a full face of make-up on as mascara irritating contact lenses is not a good look!

welcome tea - I don't normally pee on sticks. Not everyday anyway lol. But this is only my 2nd cycle since coming off pill. Mine averaged 60 days last time I was off pill, so using the odd opk at the moment to try and work out ovulation. I'll be leaving them well alone once I can read my body better (pant snot, ovulation pain etc).
In an ideal world I wouldn't use opk's or worry about symptoms at all and would just rely on Dh and I dtd every other day, but I schedules clash quite a lot Mon-Fri and we barely see each other! I didn't do any this when we were TTC#1 - we just shagged about 3 times a week. Fingers crossed your schedules allow you to do that and it works for you!!

ThursdayLast · 25/06/2015 14:46

Top planning Cold Grin

Welcome tea!

I still feel a bit pant snotty, which is 7 days! So we've dtd at least every other day since last Thurs, which is about my limit.
So now I'm off in to the land of twot.

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 14:50

Yep mine was strongest on Monday. Bah who knows. Dp back tomorrow so I'll get one in just in case I haven't iced but I'm feeling bloated and skittletits are here so I'm pretty sure I have.

What a lovely image second!

I'm off to ikea to buy some crap. Meet me there for meatballs and furtive opk checking?

CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 14:59

If I ice today then I'm only one day away for your af due date just (shitty shorter lp grr) sad to not experience the 6 dpo crazies with you

I'm invited to ikea too right?

Tinkfromlovejoy · 25/06/2015 16:45

I'm with you chat pissing on anything that way madness lies. Or summat. Also, I only ever remember about my icopks after the pant snot, rendering pissing on them completely pointless! Temping makes me obsess too.

So these days I just shag and hope. This cycle we shagged 5 days in week one (af was kind), 3 days in week 2 and once so far this week. Am I inline for sotm? Grin tis a pb I think. Although we didn't shag once in May so maybe making up for that!

5hell now I am an alleged grown up I am considering Jamie Oliver's foodie festival! Although the music looks a bit shit Sad

CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 17:47

Can't remember who I was talking to earlier but if it's these ones then it is 10 mins but not any longer ideally

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!
justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 17:58

Jamie Oliver's doing a festival?

I didn't go to ikea because I might have been a bit naughty, 2 new chicks for my brood....dp is going to kill me!

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!
CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 18:00

Cuuute. Shouldn't leave you alone. I really want ducks :D

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 18:06

I've been researching if ducks and chickens can live together! Seriously I shouldn't be left alone! Dp just called, he's worried what I'll get next week!

CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 18:08

I think they're fine but ducks need access to water ie small pound

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 18:23

Just filled in the pond. Sad

CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 18:28

Rats. I don't particularly want a pond

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 18:30

Yeah I hated mine. Bucket for the duck?

CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 18:49

Or keep duck inside and let him have the bath???

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 19:16

Ooh house duck! Dp would def flip at that! If I'm without a baby for too much longer I'm doing it!

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 19:18

We are really now fuelling the one woman having a chat on her own aren't we!

CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 19:20

Maybe we should just face facts that we were meant to be together hahaha. I hate that we're propping up the Fred in the eve with the crazy Confused are we scaring the other viroids off??

CountryGal4 · 25/06/2015 19:39

Pahahaha dh just told me to scroll down the sofa. Someoneeee spends too much time on the laptop!

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 19:39

Maybe! Viroids? Hello?

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 19:40

Pa ha ha

honeysucklejasmine · 25/06/2015 19:56

It smells of weird in here.

Wink
5hell · 25/06/2015 20:55

Little chicks just ?! Brood? ! How many have u got? :)

Dogs got my graze box before i did tonight, so they had a pre-dinner snack of mango chutney & black pepper crackers and an apple crumble snack box! :(

SockQueen · 25/06/2015 21:28

They had a chick and a duck on Friends, just, so obviously it must be possible!

justtheonethen · 25/06/2015 21:32

Got four chickens already Grin

Ah yes. So they did. Well there's next weeks baby substitute sorted

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