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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 18/03/2015 10:53

I must admit I am a bit sad today... But having you shaggers to talk to massively helps... I didn't want to be a kitten anyhow. Quite happy to keep shagging!

ChatEnOeuf · 18/03/2015 10:58

Ace new fred, I knew it was us at balloon Grin

Chat, 33
1 DD, 3.5 going on 15, 1 (k)needy tabby.
Currently incubating Indestructabean, now a whopping 26 weeks and lying across my uterus, managing to tickle my spleen and liver simultaneously Smile

Lil your necklace is lovely, well worth the wait. Hope your H makes up for that ridiculous behaviour.

Welcome newbies! Don't just shag for a week after AF departs, keep going until she parks up outside again. Trust me...this one was the result of a late ice Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 11:03

Chat 26 weeks?! Holy moly! Do you know the flavour?

Sky, exactly what Jelly said! Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 11:04

Chat I think you night need to tell the legend of Indestructibean to our newbies! Grin

nightandthelight · 18/03/2015 11:06

I will confess I am also on the buses (have grown attaches to the ladies). Think I fit more here though as plan is just to shag all cycle long Grin

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 18/03/2015 11:08

Tink, 33
1x dog, 2x cats.

Lovely new Fred la.

Echo what chat said, keep going until the shiny red convertible parks up!

So I'm due to test on Saturday (jellys bday) cd28 but think I might have iced twice. Once cd10 and again cd18. Is 10dpo fine or should I hold off poas until 14dpo from second ov?

gaggiagirl · 18/03/2015 11:09

Hello newbies! Good luck!
country I've got my 12w scan at the end of the month, he might believe it then.

SunshinePickle · 18/03/2015 11:30

Sky sorry to hear about the BFN. Keep up the shagging!

Tink I guess if you can wait any longer to POAS than Saturday depends on your willpower? I have 0 will power and at ?2dpo am wishing I could POAS already and just know. Perhaps you could POAS on Saturday and if you get a BFN wait until you're 14dpo away from the later date you think you ovulated?

So the letting agents have just been and I've found out why they're scared of my cats. One of them has tried to steal the letting agents shoes that she left near the door while the other one followed her around making cat-barking noises and trying to lick her. In my defence I did tell the letting agent that she could leave her shoes on. The letting agent is clearly judging me for being a crazy cat lady as she commented on all the cat trees and cat toys around the flat.

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 18/03/2015 11:37

pickle your cats made me lol!

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 11:47

Haha pickle my cats have their own room, so I am certainly a crazy cat lady! Love that your cats bark though!

Tink POAS on my birthday!!!!!! Although with my serious hat on I'd say wait until as late as possible. Why do you think you iced twice?

Ga 12 week scan so soon! Good luck!

Chat I can not beleive how far gone you are now! It seems crazy that lauren has had her baby, when she joined just before I did (albeit doing a kitten).

Night I think aur is on the buses too, they seem a nice bunch just a bit too crazy for me...and that's saying something

nightandthelight · 18/03/2015 11:52

Aurora is indeed on the buses although very quiet at the mo! Hope all well?

Sorry about the BFN Sky Flowers

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 18/03/2015 12:57

Welcome newbies!

Can't believe how far along everyone is getting too! ga let us know about the scan, will dp attend or is that far too real?

Think I iced twice because of 2 patches of ewcm. Ignored the first one at the time (although shagged of course) but have done some more research on the pregnitude I'm taking and apparently icing more than once is common. Used opks the second time but not temping so can't really confirm icing either time but am now well into the twot and have managed to convince myself that it may have happened. Who knows, will test on Saturday, no early signs of af yet though and I'd normally get the twinges by now. If I iced on cd18 though my lp is always 14/15 days so I wouldn't yet anyway. Mind fuck! Grin

ChatEnOeuf · 18/03/2015 13:25

Ah go on the Honey I'll indulge you and the newbies :)

Flavour still a mystery, at every scan my obstetrician covers the screen 'at the important bit'...quite why he thinks I'll be able to see anything I don't know.

Are you sitting comfortably...? Wink

Indestructabean is the much desired sibling for MiniChat, a feisty know-it-all with a love of cheese sandwiches. After a whole lot of JSing, two miscarriages (March and August last year, singleton and twin pregnancies) and a post-WTF cycle of epic lengths, I finally got my BFP on CD36(ish, my counting is pretty bad). Cue obsessive crotch-watching, mega anxiety and the like. And the inevitable 6-week bleed. Utterly convinced I was miscarrying again I sank slowly to the bottom of a delicious French red (Belgium doesn't make a lot of wine) and started another wtf cycle... Until I went away and started feeling a bit weird. Like scatty and can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it peculiar. So WWYD...it was wtf CD10, far too early for even Lemon to POAS. But that's what I did, and lo! two lines! It made the first appointment with the O&G doc interesting: 'What are you here for?', 'Well I thought it was recurrent miscarriage...' 'Scan: 8w, HB' Grin Kept blinking bleeding though, two days red, two days brown, one day off, repeat. Until 12w. Then when there was still a baby in there I finally started to believe it. Think it was Popz who first coined the name :)

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 18/03/2015 13:25

I've had another squinter on the ICS. DP has issued a hooyah although admits he sees it too. Going to go spend some birthday vouchers at TK MAXX and will get a free which DP will keep guard of until my next unicorn. If this bean is in fact real it is already driving me bonkers!

tink I second jelly's motion to POAS on her birthday Cake

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 13:30

love that story chat :) brings it all back!

and sky...heck i might POAS on my bday (at 1DPO)

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 18/03/2015 13:46

Aaahh, lovely chat good times Smile

sky a line is a line. Show us a pic.....

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 13:58

Chat that really is the best story ever. I love it! Incidentally, I realise I pronounce your name Chat (to gossip) rather than Chat (a French cat). Oh wells!

Sky! WTF?! Keep pissing, girl!

nightandthelight · 18/03/2015 14:10

Wow that is one hell of a tough baby chat! So glad to hear all progressing well now :)

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 18/03/2015 14:13

Fingers crossed for you sky. If you can, wait 48 hours to test again, hcg doubles ever 48 hours, so if it's a true positive is more likely to be convincing in two days.

lil that's a bit rubbish of him Sad Wine or chocolate to make you feel better?

I love your story chat, such a lovely positive after mc.

lildottie · 18/03/2015 15:01

pickle wtf, thats a rediculous reason to be scared of cats!

5hell i've read ferning can show positive on men so i wouldn't bother save your money for poas instead

sky sorry for the bfn. I hope it just wasnt enough wee!! I was quite excited about the prospect of you doing a kitten! As for DIY, i'm not opposed at all, just prefer a helping hand!

Thanks Chat. lol at the simultanious tickling!

I find the buses a bit....American... iyswim. All just seemed very dramatic to me. I haven't been on since I first joined mn 2 years ago though. I like the madness it here

tink i'd wait for 14dpo from cd18 - then you'd know you were late.

MyBlackCat · 18/03/2015 15:03

Viroids - I'm broken and not from shagging. I caved this morning and poas - the cbfm kind and bfn Hmm still no AF and I an 14dpo today, I guess I'm having another weird one, boobs hurt less today which is a sign of the witch arriving, I expect her by morning. Fucking bitch Confused

auroraboringalis · 18/03/2015 15:06

Oh miroid man alive! A new Fred and four pages in already!
Balloooo-oooon! Grin
Didn't shag last night either. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's like I'm sabotaging myself?

nightandthelight · 18/03/2015 15:08

Oh no sorry black :(

WouldRatherHaveWine · 18/03/2015 15:13

Newbie!!!!

28, 1 DC, due to start TTC but bricking it (the technical term) as cycle is still up the wall after MC in Dec.

Didn't use any equipment last time but doubting my pregnantion (is that a word?!) Skills already. Don't read my thread is contraband is not allowed!

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 15:58

Welcome Wine! (Great name, me too!)

Hi Aurora! Bout time you rocked up!

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