We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

lil I'm 8DPO today (ff changed my icing day so would have been 9 but am 8 now). If my LP is 9 days again this month then AF is due Monday.

What's 0-1?

Day before ovulation i presume?

Morning viroids.
tink I'm glad you still think fondly about my arse! It has not been shagged,nor has it rained for a looooooooong time.

Thank you for the dutiful update gaggia - I think you may be very excited to hear I have a family pack of bluebell flavour zoflora and a new jeyes fluid ready for action this afternoon! I will be eating off the patio later!

When do I test viroids? Iro 15dpo today, 3 bfn's last week. Need to buy frers today but getting piss anxiety. If I get a bfn now it's over for this month isn't it? I am at a stage where I'd rather keep hopeful than know for sure.

Yay for icing lil and jc

tink it's not over til the red witch zoooooooms in! Chat tested for something ridiculous like two weeks over her af due date until she finally got bfp - that's why she calls her baby the indestructabean (or something like that...?)! I would def get frer - digis are useless and only useful for once the hcg has built up. Frer can be used any time of day as well. My first pg I didn't get bfp until around 15dpo I think? I'd had bfn before that

jelly 0-1 is day before icing, 0-2 two days before etc etc... Best score on ff is if you dtd 0-3, 0-2, 0-1 and on the day, but as sperm lives inside you for 5 days you can pg from having sex anytime within the days leading up. I think with this one I dtd 0-1 and 0-3.

Cast your eye on my ic opk viroids.

Supposedly I'm 6dpo but I've been really bloated windy and twingey today like I get before icing so tried an opk and it's looking like its positive. What the fuck is going on? Am I icing now, was last time a false start?

I'm going to have to don the cape tonight aren't i?

Ahh ok thanks la :) that's much clearer. I did. 0-3, 0-2 and 0-1 this month then! (DTD Cd13,14,15,16 &17 and iced on 16 this month!)

just that does look positive...did ff say you iced 6 days ago?

just I had EXACTLY the same this month, sorry I seem to be contagious! From research I've done its most likely first surge was a false start! Get your cape and disco pants on! I also had a massive dollop of ewcm which kind of confirmed things!

its an O not a zero! but yes the O = ovulation day a d the -1 etc is days before.

just get shagging

tink I'd wait until Wednesday for the poas party! or make jelly poas with you so she brings you luck.

Thanks la was hoping chat would pipe up with her story again but thanks for filling in. Didn't know it took you til 15dpo to get 1st bfp. Do many people get them that late? I thought I'd be getting at least squinters by 12/13 dpo?

jelly you wanna poas tomorrow or you waiting til weds?

Actually, scrap that. Ff suggests I wait til 18dpo so I'll happily keep my head in the sand over the weekend I think.

I'll POAS with you tomorrow tink if it brings you like :D

Yeh ff always tells me to wait till 18DPO

Don't use ff as I don't temp. Should I anyway?

I will have to don the cape, we had made such a good effort too! Worried I may have worn dp out already! This is going to take some stamina, better break out the Easter chocolate to give me energy!

Hey all, gosh there is so much to catch up on I don't even know where to start!!!

Good luck to everyone POAS on wednesday - may your urine give you the answer you desire

I have nine days until AF is supposed to arrive. I guess the good thing about shorter cycles is that there isn't loads of time to wait until you get your answer. A friend got pregnant by mistake recently (totes happy about it though), and she said she had literally no symptoms whatsoever, and found it hard to believe she was actually pregnant until she had her first scan!

I am taking heart from this! I'm feeling a tiny bit nauseous, but that's normal at this point in my cycle, and plus I haven't eaten yet.

Not feeling optimistic, but am feeling a bit nervous for some reason!

just don't unless you have reason to suspect things aren't quite what they should be. Just shag. I only signed up to ff yesterday as my cycles are becoming fucked up again or I'm pg apps make you obsess which won't help.

I'd love to synchro pee lil my lp is usually 13 days, FF is recommending testing on the 8th I think. We did O-3 and O-2 this month.

Good did you want to join us for synchro pee too? Or will you not be able to wait that long I AF hasn't arrived?

Haha tink give it that bit longer bfn's are so hard to see and you've seen enough this month anyway gx the next one you see is a bfp!

Step away from the sticks jelly it's too early for you yet! Even if it is to provide luck for someone else

jcandy are you doing the collective weeing this wednesday? As in 1st April? If so I think that would be too early for me, so will have to pass, since I'm not due until the 6th. I don't have any spare tests lying around, so I've decided to only test when I'm late to save myself some money!! Plus I don't have many days between ovulation and period anyway (13/14), so don't think I would have enough hormones to detect that early.

I went through a phase where I was testing practically every month, even before we were actively ttc-ing - it was an expensive hobby!!!!

But super good luck to everyone!!

I have backache again, but alas I am now positive it's just from my shitty posture!

squeezing in on the penultimate page!

DTD this morning...DH joked I should do a headstand to help the swimmers along, so I did! Felt like a right plonker tho :) but you never know what might help!

No peeing here...on sticks or in front of DH! ;)

any wild saturday night plans out there?

we are close to initiating fred fill mode!

no wild saturday plans for me 5hell. I'm home alone with nowt to do today so i've done a shed load of house work whilst watching house lol.

I've also had an insatiable hunger all day, proper munchies! Boobs are still stabby

I might have a wild night of sleeping. That counts, right? I have been getting v tired last few days... Think I'm ill or something but no significant flare really, just sore fingers.

Also gassy as fuck, are rain, uncomfortable stabs in my lower abdomen. AF due 2nd April.

I better be pregnant

Dammit. Arse rain, obviously.

I'm here! and on pc so I'll go get our new home ready. Any suggestions for the title?

just you don't have to temp to use FF. You can change how it calculates ovulation.