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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
auroraboringalis · 18/03/2015 17:33

Halloo-oo honey. I'm always late to the party. If only I were the party to make up for it, but alas I can't even claim that. Sad

Why is there a star in the emoticon list? I get the clover.

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 18/03/2015 17:39

stoat I'm going to come at this from another angle. It may be of no use at all but:
When Mr. Tink and I have been going through the mill with TTC (no mc's so not the same really) I have been desperate to get back on the horse on occasion. The talking it through has no impact on my dear darling hubby (sadly he is minus a sensitivity chip) so I have found my only option to be pouring myself a glass of wine, forcing a damn smile on my face and pretending everything is fine. Then I find I can get him going.
It is almost always a lie, I am not fine, but I def do not ever want to miss icing, so I pretend.
It is underhanded and you may well not feel like pretending in your circumstances (and why would you) but its got me through some dark times. DH is none the wiser, sometimes I've had to go to the bathroom and have a little weep after (not sure why), but for me missing a cycle is worse than duping the stupid man into sex! Smile
As I say, it may be no help at all but thought I'd share...

Ellabella1 · 18/03/2015 17:45

Hi all

Name Ella
TTC: since December 2013
DC: none

Hi all! Newbie alert. Can I join??

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 17:55

Welcome ella!!

la did you spray a newbie attracting pheromone on this Fred :D love all the new folk!

Jcandy · 18/03/2015 17:57

Wow you lot are chatty today. Great to catch up on everything!

Welcome newbies, great to see you!

Work has suddenly felt like it's got lighter today so for the first time in ages I'm feeling more positive Smile Think a shag may be in order tonight!

Oh stoat it must be hard that you're not in the same place, do you think he's concerned about you maybe and thats why?

Chat I do love hearing about indestructabean! And you're chat to me too Smile

No idea about the Star aur...... Maybe the solar eclipse??

WouldRatherHaveWine · 18/03/2015 17:58

Hey Ella!

Stoat I'm sorry, but in the same boat so know the feeling. MC was end of nov/start of Dec and the hairy arse is making me wait til may.

Speaking of which when should I start taking vitamins?!

ChatEnOeuf · 18/03/2015 18:00

Wine now.

That came out wrong...Wine, take the vits and frolic all the TTC time :)

WouldRatherHaveWine · 18/03/2015 18:01

Wine now works too...

MyBlackCat · 18/03/2015 18:03

I'm drinking wine Wine cheers viroids!

Ellabella1 · 18/03/2015 18:05

I'm detoxing as had to much wine at the weekend!! Back on soon though as this month isn't going well. Stupid blinking fanjo!

MyBlackCat · 18/03/2015 18:05

Totally got confused with the wine chat - sorry wine take them now, the wine I'm drinking is obviously not confusing me honest

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 18:18

I want wine :( I promised DP I wouldn't drink during my icing phase this month because I have done the last three months. Regretting it now.

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 18/03/2015 18:24

I want wine too, had a win at work today and want to celebrate Sad it was DH's birthday on Monday so I had 2 small ones then, then was out on Sat night so drank a fair amount. Need to lay off it for the foreseeable methinks Sad Might have a glass of beer with my stirfry though - beer doesn't count does it? Grin Twotting is such a pain in the arris, I worked out that I might only be 5dpo if ive got my sums right, even though af is due at the weekend. Bah. Wine Wine Wine

Welcome to all the newbies!

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 18:37

Hi Ella! Welcome in! Grin

The Star was something that the Wooly Hugs crew wanted, apparently.

CountryGal4 · 18/03/2015 18:43

Do you think we can get a emoj thingy of a teeny fanjo balloon. Can we request this from mn???

WouldRatherHaveWine · 18/03/2015 19:05

Does anyone hold any stock with the his name hers ones?! Vits not wine. In my house it's all mine. No his needed

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 19:21

I think we need a fanjo emoji!!!!

Those his her vits are ok but don't take them on an empty stomach

Ainat266 · 18/03/2015 20:09

Yes, I hope whoever it was (5hell?) gets a cycle back considerably quicker than me! I think I've decided that unless a miracle happens in the next week or so I'm going to try going to the doctors again in the easter holidays, making sure I get a different doctor from the not helpful or compassionate one... 8 months with no bc, and nearly 5 months on metformin and still nothing. Sigh.

My mood has been extra negative the past few days. I'm sure that doesn't help...

ZebraOrZebu · 18/03/2015 20:10

Another newbie here...

Name: Zebra
Age: 35
TTC: since Aug 2013

Flippin AF today, and realised I needed to join you guys as I was directing anger at my Ovia app, as if to blame its data-nagging and patronising tone for my lack of conception.
Seems tracking data makes no difference, so coming to the JS dark side!

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 20:21

Welcome zebra! :)

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 20:29

Welcome Zebra!

(Holy shit La, are you magic? So many lovely newbies!)

I see this thread as an investment. If you get in on the ground floor, you can graduate! Its the only way to get in to tge grads Wink And then "Just Mumming" post natal too!

Plus, it keeps you sane. Just had a shag. Now eating a creme egg. Tee hee. Lots of "cream" in my evening!

SunshinePickle · 18/03/2015 20:35

Ooooh, yay... loads of people joining, so hopefully lots of bfps and good luck.

All this wine chat is making me want to open a bottle. I'm out this weekend (but also twotting), so going to try and nurse a drink or two all night so I'm not tempted to overdo it.

Stoat you must be feeling so annoyed with your dh. Mine is the same. I do similar to Tink. I grin, pretend nothing is wrong in the hope he'll forget and I can pounce on him. It works occasionally, although I have been known to cry (and blow my cover) when it doesn't.

Purpleball · 18/03/2015 20:39

Name: Purpleball
Age:40
TTC since Jan 14
DC: currently upduffed with plum sized DC1 12+6 weeks

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 20:40

Good on you for snagging honey!!

That's a point shouldn't we add the just mumming Fred to our intro post?

I'm so constipated right now :( this always happens when I'm due to ice.

CountryGal4 · 18/03/2015 20:42

waves hello newbies!

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