We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

yes everyone is welcome to the POAS party on wednesday, even if you are CD5!

Thanks lil will do. Anxiety hit me in the middle of the night and now I'm tired and feel pretty poo which makes it all feel worse. So glad it's friday! It's end of year today for us so extra cause for celebration.

wish I had any idea of icing...first month off BC I had all sorts of symptoms (sore boobs, pains, range of CM etc) but last couple of months zilch of note (hench cuntraband in form of microscope to give me some idea/hope hopefully)

why does mother nature mess with us so!?!!!!

I think I was only 10dpo yesterday. I'm not 100% sure as I don't temp (yet). I'm going to try to control myself until Wednesday now!

Urgh I'm feeling rough today. Sore throat, tired, blocked nose...I think i'm getting a cold!!! :( My first this year. Really sucks just before the weekend too!

night no its really easy, extra large wet bag so no wet pails of poo water, chuck the machine on a rinse cycle, then wash with an economic egg. Sorted! I do a wash every 2-3 days. I also prefer velcro to poppers.

Today is date day. It's going well. Ds is at nursery and I'm in bed with a stomach bug .don't feel ill, just keep being sick

Pud that Harvard triangle is great. Makes so much sense! A friend was recently telling me that white carbs are evil! I’m not overweight, but I do need to watch what I eat – I just don’t seem to be able to say no to food! And I definitely “boredom snack” at work. I have a whole drawer full of snacks (some of which are borderline healthy).
Fallen – I LOVE a good fish finger sarnie! Tomato Ketchup counts as 1 of your 5 a day, right? And fish is good, so I reckon that’s a 5* dinner!
Jelly – do you find that all those leafy green veggies contribute to the farty-ness? Better out than in though, eh?

I like the idea of cloth nappies, but not sure hubby would be bothered with the extra effort. Plus they can be quite expensive in the first place. I think my sis (due in a couple of months) said she got some 2nd hand much cheaper, and just bought new inserts.

According to my symptoms, I think I might ice late – as in a week before AF rather than 2 weeks before. Is this common? Everything I’ve read seems to say you ice ~14 days before AF.

I won’t be joining y’all with your POAS party as we’ve not officially started trying yet (avoided March cos that would be a Xmas baby!)
Think I’ll take you up on your advice on JS every other day and see what happens! (Hubby was actually a bit daunted by the prospect of dtd that often!! But think I’ve persuaded him by saying it covers all bases if we don’t know for certain when I’m icing!)
But lots of sex can’t be a bad thing, right!

lots of sex is never a bad thing mae

re your question on icing, forget everything you had read about how long before AF. There are two phases to your cycle, the Follicular Phase, which is when the egg is growing and getting ready to be released, and the Leutal phase which is after you ovulate and the time when implantation happens.

The "standard" time for both is 14 days, ie. in a 28 day cycle you have a 14 days FP, ice on day 14, and then have a 14 day LP, and AF turns up on day 29 (or CD1 for the next cycle). Of course, not everyone has a 28 day cycle, and not everyones FP is 14 days or their LP 14 days.

You could have a 10 day FP, and a 12 day LP, and so your cycle length would be 22 days. Or you could have a 35 day cycle, with say an 18 day FP and a 17 day LP. It's extremely varied. The one thing that generally doesn't change is the length of your LP. The FP can change month on month, which is why your cycles can vary each month, but your LP will generally remain the same, so if you can pin point when you iced, you will know exactly when AF is due (instead of counting 14 days before AF and assuming that's when you iced, or 14 days from icing and expect AF).

So in my case, I have a short LP of 9 days. I know I iced on 20th, so AF is due on 29th/30th for me. Last month my FP was 16 days, the month before was 14 days and this month it's 18 days, so it's extremely varied.

So in short, ignore the 14 day stuff.

Sorry for the essay lol

Thanks Jelly that's helpful.
I guess the more I 'track' my cycle with symptoms etc, the better I'll be able to tell when I'm icing.
Well next month is going to be a rollercoaster as we start the journey!
AF due next week, then after that it's all go!

Also I get a lot of CM through most of my cycle, and can't always tell what's EGCM and what's the thicker "school glue" type. Confused face :-/

Oops I meant "EWCM"

(Pesky abbreviations!!)

Mae EWCM is stretchy, the other type is just thick and doesn't stretch.

Still have an awful cold. The cough is the worst part. Last time I was pg it took me 2 weeks to recover!

I signed up to ff!! I should be working Because this cycle has been so fucked up and the last three were regular but I don't think I iced, I am going to indulge in some contraband for a bit

I take it "BD" is a shag, but what does it actually stand for?

baby dancing!

BTW, everything ive recorded is from memory made up

Stocked up for Wednesday. Superdrug has tests on special offer. Now I just need to not use them before then!

I wish I had symptoms to spot. I feel completely normal. No funny tastes, no sore boobs, no tummy issues. If anything I felt less sick this morning than I usually do. I'm expecting AF will arrive before Wednesday.

HAHA!
I went on to the Superdrug website to check out the test offers and look what response you get when searching for pregnancy test!! I think there are a fair few of us on this Fred that are definitely in need of one item from the pregnancy test page! jelly

pickle i have a FRER and a digi stored in my downstairs loo (the digi was an accident...) and I won't use them until at LEAST Wednesday (I would rather have the patience to wait till Friday but I can't see that happening).

I also have very few "symptoms" to spot, but I think that's a good thing to be honest. Aside from stabby boobs (which I get every month after icing) I feel fine. I've not had any womble pain since yesterday, although I'm starting to get the slippery feeling in my fanjo I get before AF.

haha tink that's amazing! it's like the know me!

Great FP/LP explanation Jelly, well done! Fred Queen in waiting

I have a 12 day LP, so due on the 2nd April. I will maybe join the poas party but I am 100% sure it will be a bfn. Given up

Night yeah I think they are a fair amount of effort but totsbots aren't much other than extra load of laundry. And as I said, I'm a cheap skate and they are much cheaper in the long run especially as I will ask people to buy them for me

It's Easter holidays!

easter hols already honey? that's quick! also, don't have a defeatest attitude woman! Stay strong!

I had a look to see what would happen if I removed my EWCM entry I put into FF and it put my icing to the 19th not the 20th. So eith EWCM I am 7DPO and without EWCM I am 8DPO today lol.

I'm trying. Decided to ban the hot tub for last three cycles before going to doctors. Can't hurt, and I'd rather it was the problem rather than there being anything wrong with either of us! save electricity too

i was unsure whether to have a bath last night, ended up having one but a lot cooler than usual. How stupid is that lol, I know it won't affect anything but I just wanted to be sure.

Honey 11 dpo is quite early I can talk cant I best invest in a frer?

Where is our oracle I want her to look at my chart and tell me I am definitely upduffed?

Also, there is a ridiculous aibu where someone is moaning about the sex of their unborn baby - obviously I have waded in and put in a bid for said child! First world problems, eh?