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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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21
jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 15:18

Ooo link ridiculous AIBU!!

Tinkfromlovejoy · 27/03/2015 15:24

Here

jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 15:36

bloody hell! she's a bit of a numpty isn't she?

my friends who had a baby really wanted a girl and admitted they would be disappointed if it was a boy. Luckily they had a girl, but I was gobsmacked when they said they didn't want a boy. I literally could not care less what it was. I'm so excited about having a child and creating a bond with it, teaching it and laughing with it and watching it grow and do all the things it wants to do. It doesn't matter what hangs between it's bloody legs

jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 16:06

slightly early days viroids but we will need a new fred soon! any grad takers?

nightandthelight · 27/03/2015 16:34

Sexy underwear is on, just waiting for DH to get home! Happy weekend everyone :)

CarrotPuff · 27/03/2015 16:50

That's why IMO if you have a gender preference don't find out at the scan. Quite hard to get disappointed once you have a squishy newborn in your arms after all the pain of labour. But then what do I know, I didn't have a preference, and I even forgot to look, I just kept staring at my baby until MWs urged me to have a look Grin

lildottie · 27/03/2015 17:17

tink you're upduffed. does that help? Grin

jelly I am desperately trying to fuck off so you can be the oracle! very good explaining! I've taught you so well proud dance Grin

so temp still up this morning so 2dpo but still getting ewcm. although more of s mix of creamy white cm and ewcm. my body is clearly still all over the place!

honeysucklejasmine · 27/03/2015 17:21

Maybe it's jizz Lil Wink

Deep down I would prefer a girl, but it's only because I would get shit tonnes of hand me downs for free. But I really don't care much. I just want a squishy bubba of my own!

jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 17:28

Aww I could never replace your knowledge lil though I am learning!!

I emailed the uni today about their midwife course and they said I had the right qualifications I just need experience in healthcare!! :)

lil I get loads of random CM during my TWOT not helpful coming from me today I had stretchy creamy CM :/ I've also got all the pmt symtpms at once. Backache, headache and stomach ache.

Please chant with me, fuck off witch. You're not due till Monday!!!

lildottie · 27/03/2015 17:29

not likely honey I've had no jizz since Tuesday and after 2.5years i can definitely tell the difference! but plan to jump dh tonight just in case!

I do t care its its yellow, blue, inside out, upsidedown. I just want a baby and I want one now. offto expel my anger at the woman who is clearly bu

nightandthelight · 27/03/2015 17:29

That's v promising jelly, have you contacted your local hospital?

lildottie · 27/03/2015 17:35

thats great news on the midwifery. happy to chant for you jelly

fuck off witch, you aren't wanted here, don't want to see you for at least a year, fuck off witch you aren't wanted here

have just unleashed on the aibu thread. I feel much better now.

jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 17:35

My local hospital has been frequently branded the worst hospital in the country night. Think I'll look a bit further a field and see what I can find Wink.

Totally agree lil. I was outraged when someone said to me they were disappointed their cat wasn't as fluffy as they wanted it to be when they bought it. To say that about a baby...Angry

jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 17:35

Aww love the chant lil

nightandthelight · 27/03/2015 17:41

Sounds like a plan jelly!

lildottie · 27/03/2015 17:43

someone has agreed with me on there! Shock

jelly can I throw a spanner in the works in the midwifery. feel free to tell me to fuck off. you are early on in your ttc journey and its already getting to you somewhay, so how will you feel if in 18momths you still aren't pg, are facing fertility investigations and are doing a course where you are surrounded by the thought and/it reality of people giving birth day in day out. maybe your dh is right to say this should wait until after babies? I'm not saying it won't happen for you, I'm just saying what if?

honeysucklejasmine · 27/03/2015 17:48

Love the rant Lil.

Would you lot have gender scans? I don't think we will, it'll be a nice surprise.

CountryGal4 · 27/03/2015 17:54

Dear all afs ever - fuck right off

Dear all the ovaries- viroid the fuck up and get your eggs on

Dear all the eggs - get over your self cape up and make nice with a sperm. Then hush up and bed down

Dear all the sperms- man up. Go over and tell the eggs they look pretty

Dear all the miroid- make with the Boner and give us the sperms

Did I cover everything???

nightandthelight · 27/03/2015 18:04

I don't think I will honey, like the idea of a surprise :) couldn't care less whether it is a boy or a girl, both would make me equally happy :)

jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 18:08

lil I've been thinking the same, I think I'll start looking in to it but maybe get all the info for a few years time. Lots of people apply to do it in their 30's :)

I'll find out what I'm having for certain. At the end of the day it's still a surprise. Just an earlier surprise. And you can prepare better if you know.

Going to read your post now lil

fallenstar27 · 27/03/2015 18:12

Hello viroids, just nipping in quickly. DH has planned a weekend of birthday adventures. I'm exhausted already.

Well done ladies who've told the aibu lady that yes, she is.

I look forward to seeing the outcome of pissing party. Still got my gingers crossed for you tink (&every other pisser of course!), and nice name change.

honey I'm very much in the find out the sex when it arrives camp. But I can imagine it's quite easy to change your mind when it's actually happening.

Right, I'll probably not be back online til Monday now, so happy shagging, feel free to all miraculously get upduffed while I'm gone wishful thinking, I know

maemay · 27/03/2015 18:26

I think we want the gender to be a surprise so I don't want to find out.
I'm terrified that at the scan appointment, the midwife will assume that we want to know (cos it seems like most people do want to know), and tell us by accident.
There are plenty more serious things to be worried about I know, but it does keep me awake at night!

honeysucklejasmine · 27/03/2015 18:37

At the end of the day it's still a surprise.

Never thought of it that way. What a good point!

jellypi3 · 27/03/2015 18:55

Same here honey. DP said it to me one day and I realised he was so right.

There's a reason I'm marrying that man :P

lildottie · 27/03/2015 19:03

I wouldn't want to find out but dh would. I just think its anticlimactic when baby is born and the only news us how much it weighs. dB and sil found out for both and had name picked out soon after. so when they were born it was "OK cool" rather than "yay, boy or girl? how heavy? do you have a name yet?" its nicer (IMO) to announce all at birth, but each to their own.

dh suddenly had been having stomachache all afternoon when I mentioned sex Sad

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