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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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Thread gallery
12
ChatEnOeuf · 02/03/2015 09:43

Just popping in...
Chat, 33, DC: 1+1 cat, Upduffed with a baseball mitt Shock. Creator of lucky Freds, sorry to have missed the pleas this w/e - the kindergarten birthday party merry-go-round is in full swing.

Good luck Honey

My mum quit teaching and now does extra tuition for kids wanting to a) get into grammar school, or b) get that all-important C at GCSE maths. She reckons it's a good deal more enjoyable than classroom work, and there's none of the nonsense paperwork.

honeysucklejasmine · 02/03/2015 11:20

Wow Chat! Indestructibean is getting huge!

honeysucklejasmine · 02/03/2015 11:23

It's funny really. Good teachers slowly realise that the job will never be done to the standard they want, so leave. Kids left with not so great teachers (who aren't so bothered about doing a satisfactory job) so seek out tutors to bring them up to scratch. The tutors are the good teachers who left! Wink

honeysucklejasmine · 02/03/2015 11:24

Although some great teachers stay, hoping things will change.

jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 11:30

Vicious circle eh honey.

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jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 12:21

So earlier I was sure AF was coming but now the feelings gone. She's not due for two days but I'm hoping she stays away longer. My last LP was 8 days but I really hope it's longer this time!

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jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 16:59

Question for you viroids with babies.

My friends have a 11 week old little girl. They bottle feed her. When they feed her, they make up the bottles for the whole day and feed her those throughout the day.

I've read that apparently you aren't supposed to do this because of the bacteria. She said the other day her baby has an upset tummy. Her mum is a nurse so I assume she's told my friend she can use ready made bottles.

So my question is would u mention something if you were in that situation. I know parents hate taking advice from non parents. Would you just leave it be?? DP wants me to say something but I don't want to annoy anyone!

Also how is everyone. It's been very quiet today.

OP posts:
Jcandy · 02/03/2015 17:14

As long as they let the water cool completely and keep the made up bottles in fridge for a maximum of 24 hours it should be fine. I'm a paediatric Nurse and we sometimes do similar at work

jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 17:28

Cool thanks jc. Lots of conflicting messages on the labels! I'll ignore it then :)

It must be torture being a paediatric nurse when TTC!!

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honeysucklejasmine · 02/03/2015 18:04

Well, i'd say its just like riding a bike! Grin It was a good session!

jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 18:07

Happy days! :D celebratory shag tonight?

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jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 18:09

I've got lots of watery CM here today. I've also watched a season and a half of game of thrones. I love being off work sick.

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honeysucklejasmine · 02/03/2015 19:04

Maybe, i can't really be arsed!

Hobbit19 · 02/03/2015 19:17

Ah well done honey , must have been nerve wracking. Feel like AF might FINALLY be on the way, here's hoping. (Maybe she will visit me Jelly and leave you alone? That's how it works, right?!

MyBlackCat · 02/03/2015 19:19

My DH is a teacher, this week his school is being inspected. He worked all weekend and isn't home yet and not likely to be for a while. Bloody typical that it is my fertile week! Hope he saves some energy for shagging Wink

jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 19:31

Ahh that's sucks black. Hopefully he will have energy!!

pud I'll gladly give you my AF!!

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mrsmarshups · 02/03/2015 19:43

Name: MrsMarshups
Age:34
DC: None. Desperately want a canine furbaby soon though.
TTC: 2010. Chemicals galore, and two m/c.

I'm a newbie. Done the whole temping, charting, OPK, kit and caboodle. Decided after last m/c (July2014) to stick to JS'ing and getting on with life!

Hobbit19 · 02/03/2015 19:58

Welcome Marsh, sorry to see you have been through the mill with TTC. I would definitely recommend getting at least one fur baby immediately. They are lush (When they don't have diarrhoea/snot/eye bogies).

MrsBlackCat, if your DH can DTD after Ofsted he is a hero!

Hobbit19 · 02/03/2015 20:12

Jelly , teaching is an amazing job, I love so much of it, but I really need my life back. I work about 60 hours a week (and I am super efficient!) and I still can't get it all done. Honey is right, a lot of good teachers leave as it is too difficult to be good. (I do get to dress up for work on Thursday though, which is awesome!)

jellypi3 · 02/03/2015 20:37

Welcome marsh sorry to hear you have been through such hard times. We are a filthy mad lot though so hope you can keep up!!

pud that's what my DP said. He stopped after his pgce because he said to be a good teacher requires so much work! Terrible really.

I'm on major pants watch at the moment. Really sure AF is coming stay away you witch

lemon you testing soon

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Stoatystoat · 02/03/2015 20:48

Welcome marsh, I'm sorry you've had a difficult time and hope we can make it more entertaining at least

Don't count on me to bring it, I was a funny fucker and I had a MMC picked up two weeks ago and appear to have lost my mojo too.

I'm so frustrated! I just want to be pregnant again, I was so close to getting my dream and now it's bloody well gone, and I'm awaiting the all clear to shag again. I'm grumpy about it. I was so chilled before we started JSing and now I need to go back and I'm pissed off. Sorry for the rant.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 02/03/2015 20:54

Hi all!

Welcome marsh Smile Jelly is right, we're a filthy bunch so hope you enjoy a bit of dirty talk... Sorry to hear you've been through it. Did the docs have any opinion as to why it might have kept happening to you?

Congrats Daisy!!! I need a picture of the ring!!!!!!!

Stoat glad you got chance to let it out a bit at the weekend. Music can definitely be very emotive Flowers

Lil Haven't seen you today...are you ok?

Having fanny twinges. Think AF may be imminent. Cunt. If she doesn't show I'm testing on Wednesday am, DH's birthday! I know it sounds ridiculous but I just want to be pregnant now so I can start planning mat leave and be a lady of (very temporary) leisure Grin

DH teaches Y1 and I cannot believe how much he has to do. This half-term we spent three days in the classroom sorting it all out and making displays. Both of us! Black let us know hoe OFSTED goes...will a poor result affect your chances of a good shag?

Glad to hear it was good Honey, what did you play?

Jelly cross your legs and think dry thoughts! Grin

MyBlackCat · 02/03/2015 21:02

Lemon One it's a private school so not Ofsted but the equivalent, they are in Wed to Friday so he's just getting everything ready. He's home now and doesn't seem too miserable so here's hoping I get that shag! GX

MyBlackCat · 02/03/2015 21:03

Scrap that - he says he's too tired but has promised an early morning effort -my hero

Lemondrizzletwunt · 02/03/2015 21:05

Wait until he's asleep and climb on I have definitely never done that before

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