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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
jellypi3 · 03/03/2015 13:54

Oo good luck 5hell when is the witch due?

OP posts:
Lemondrizzletwunt · 03/03/2015 14:11

Oh Stoat that is horrendous! Perhaps now you've called MA and they've helped with the practical, you should also call Samaritans and just over how you're feeling? Your experience is disgusting- the monographer whispering and then refusing to tell me what was going on WITH MY OWN FUCKING BODY would be enough to have me in floods of tears.

Is this your local hospital? Can you go back to your GP and ask for your care to be transferred? (Don't know how it works Confused )

Lemondrizzletwunt · 03/03/2015 14:11

monographer? Sonographer!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 03/03/2015 14:17

aurora fucking hate the babydust crap! Have you heard 'babydancing' bandied about too? That one just makes me cringe. It's a shag for fuck's sake. If you're old enough to do it, you're old enough to not call it something ridiculous and twee.

gaggiagirl · 03/03/2015 14:38

stoat you poor love. So you're still in limbo then really. Are you still bleeding?
It sounds like you have what they call 'retained products'.
Is it within your budget to go private? Your gp can refer you or you can call the private clinic. I know some of the B.M.I hospitals do this sort of thing.

jellypi3 · 03/03/2015 14:40

:( that's horrid stoat, i missed your post sorry. I can't believe it's still not over for you.

The NHS are shocking at times :(

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 03/03/2015 14:42

urgh I'm sick of dashing to the toilet now.

I have NO AF symptoms, no cramping, no back ache, nothing. All I keep getting is the feeling it's coming out of me but when I go check and wipe it's just CM (and varying types, today Ihave had watery, creamy, tacky and what I could have sworn was a bit of EW).

Plus I am spotty as fuck (and hating it) and my boobs are on fire. At least I have made it to 8DPO again!

OP posts:
Stoatystoat · 03/03/2015 14:50

I'm still bleeding yes, retained products is the word.

The limbo bit is tolerable, it's just the shoddy treatment.

It is my local hospital which has a an all singing dancing womens health unit, which I thought was great but the staff have been crap.

I've just got a quote from our closest BMI hospital. It's within our budget, we have some savings and DH says that this is the kind of thing we have them for. My NHS employed sister is aghast. I'm normally such a staunch supporter of the NHS but after today, they're not touching me for that procedure if I do need it.

Does anyone know anything about private care during pregnancy & for csections, is it all pay as you use or can you get insurance to spread it out?

Stoatystoat · 03/03/2015 14:52

I think normally NHS great, it seems early pregnancy and miscarriage are very poor though

5hell · 03/03/2015 14:57

jel i'm due fri, and i suspect she'll arrive on time as i've been a bit of a moody cow since yesterday!

stoat so sorry to hear your nurses were not more thoughtful...you'd have thought a kind, compassionate and caring attitude would have been top fo their list! Angry on your behalf!

honeysucklejasmine · 03/03/2015 16:10

Oh Stoat! How shit! I think private sounds worth it too, even if its just one consultation to explain properly what's happening. I don't know much about it other than a friend went private and found it better after a miscarriage. It was on her dh work healthcare though.

Stoatystoat · 03/03/2015 16:17

I cried when I found out I might yet need surgery and I got snapped at, 'you were warned about this when you consented to your procedure'

MyBlackCat · 03/03/2015 16:43

stoat that's really shit. I agree with your DH - this is what savings are for. I didn't have the best NHS experience with mc either so I really do sympathise, I think they see it so regularly that they are blasé about it, however as it is so taboo for the rest of us, it is such a shock x

honeysucklejasmine · 03/03/2015 16:52

The consultant snapped at a crying patient?! Shock [anger]

MN was involved in a campaign about mc care wasn't it? Perhaps MNHQ could help?

Lemondrizzletwunt · 03/03/2015 16:57

Not to detract from Stoat's horrible experience here at all, but have just seen this.

Errr.....?

WTF!

Stoatystoat · 03/03/2015 17:46

That's vile lemon!!

Yes I remember the mc campaign, back when MC were things that happened to other people. I looked at it earlier and so much rings true. It's only saving grace is that I'm not lumped in with other pregnant women. Just the older women in for other things.

I really feel like no one apart from DH is listening to me.
I just have to hope it comes away by itself.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 03/03/2015 18:01

I'm hoping for you Stoat

And yes, disgusting as a sex toy, but useful to see your cervix when symptom spotting trying to work out of you're icing and you're out of OPKs Grin

MyBlackCat · 03/03/2015 18:05

That's so wrong lemon

Who was sat in their office one day and thought... I know what I'll design...a vibrator with a camera that can FaceTime...

Cos I've always wanted to FaceTime someone's genetals

jellypi3 · 03/03/2015 18:08

who is testing next?

OP posts:
Lemondrizzletwunt · 03/03/2015 18:18

I guess me, tomorrow morning with all the unicorn I can muster. Pretty convinced now that I'm not preg, but hey ho. I am not out until AF arrives!!!!

jellypi3 · 03/03/2015 18:29

Eek excited. AF is due tomorrow for me too but I'll only be 9DPO if the witch doesn't show. I'm Sure she will though.

Still getting the feeling of it starting with wet pants

OP posts:
Hobbit19 · 03/03/2015 18:30

Put the vag cam up there and see what's going on Lemon. I know you've got one

Lemondrizzletwunt · 03/03/2015 18:37

Pud how dare you? I am a lady! bullshit

Jelly I know what you mean. I am horny today, which always means AF is on the way at the end of my cycle. Boobs are a tiny bit sore, which is more likely to mean AF than BFP, but I'm trying my very hardest to look on the bright side; if AF arrives...

  1. I can enjoy my lovely mooncup now I've got the hang of it! I know it's ridiculous but it makes me soo disproportionately happy
  1. I can get absolutely wankered on Saturday night with my two best friends
  1. I can have too much to drink on Sunday too as we're celebrating DH's birthday with his parents

Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine

Hobbit19 · 03/03/2015 18:39

Looking on the bright side Lemon , I like it. Agree with mooncups being awesome!

ChatEnOeuf · 03/03/2015 18:44

Oh Stoat I'm horrified and appalled, filled with rage on your behalf Angry Sad When you feel up to it, please complain. They will never see how hurtful they are until it's pointed out.

Rach, quite. What an unreasonable thing to do.

Lil, enjoy JS! And the rest of you for that matter Grin

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