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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
jellypi3 · 17/03/2015 11:03

sky get a FRER they can be used any time of day

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 17/03/2015 11:09

Urgh I am so bloated right now, it's painful :(

I've also been invited to attend a MN session in London to quiz nick clegg...not sure if it's a hoax or not lol

OP posts:
lildottie · 17/03/2015 11:39

got my necklace at last. I weirdly feel a bit more complete again.

sky its still early days and ICS are a bit shit. get a frer!

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 17/03/2015 11:40

jelly go! It is real!

AF has disappeared and breasts very sore but not sure it hasn't all gone sideways... The tests I have are the 10mui/ml ones... Are they more sensitive then frer? Am a bit nervous to test again now! Will see how I feel after a nap. Might send DP to chemists when he goes out to get the milk, or should I give it a day? By my completely unscientific guess I am only 12dpo.

Hanging out here as long as I can. I have grown attached to you viroids, you're hilarious and so lovely. Also, I want to find out what happens with the cock rings.

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 17/03/2015 11:42

lil happy you have finally got it! Smile

gaggiagirl · 17/03/2015 11:46

sky I found the ic's very good but you need a frer! Dont forget the same happened to me. Bfp then bfn then bfp.

auroraboringalis · 17/03/2015 11:47

Jealous of honey's cool relationship with her doctor. EnvySmile

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 17/03/2015 13:52

sky pma lovely. This limbo shit is rotten. Frer with fmu tomorrow, then another 48 hrs later. Praying to the fertility God that is Ian mcshane that you get a faint line tomorrow, then a dark one on Friday. Ic's are notoriously unreliable x

jellypi3 · 17/03/2015 13:59

echo what tink says :) come on ian, do us proud!

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batfish · 17/03/2015 14:06

honey is that for your thyroid? I had mine removed in Jan last year and we had waited to TTC for 2 years before we actually did as I was advised not to before my levels were OK. So eventually in Sept they were good and so we started shagging. Since BFP I have had 2 lots of blood tests so they can keep an eye on them and they have increased my medication once. But all seems to be fine and they are very on top of it so I'm sure all will be good too, your doc sounds lovely!

sky congratulations! I may be wrong but I was told that the internet ones were most sensitive - I did 4 of them within 24 hours when I got BFP haha. Followed by another a week later and then another one 3 weeks after that even after I'd had a scan! Definitely do another test, it's so nice when doing a couple more reveals that you're not mad!

jellypi3 · 17/03/2015 14:36

The internet cheapies are very sensitive but they have been known to give false positives (wasn't it pud or country who had one recently)?

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goodnessgraciousgouda · 17/03/2015 14:37

AF finished yesterday and so we are back in action!!

Our - well, my - plan for this month is very simple. Sex every two days. I mentioned this to dh and he looked worried.

HAWWOW??? I am frankly amazed he ever manages to keep his hands off me flicks hair

trips over own pyjamas

jellypi3 · 17/03/2015 15:20

yay good :) get shagging!

i just did a massive wee and my bloating went down slightly, but i still look fat :( i'm going to slimming world tonight!

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honeysucklejasmine · 17/03/2015 16:21

Yes, my Doctor is lovely! Did sit in pathology for 1.5hours though for bloods. Grr. Parking cost me a fiver! For 2.5 hours total. Rip off.

It was for lupus bat but my TSH levels are stable and I have a test order form ready for when I get preg so can get it done immediately. Actually having my 6 month check tomorrow.

lildottie · 17/03/2015 16:48

I don't think ICS give false positives jelly, they just give feinter lines. its very very rare to have false positive whatever the test. frer is also 10iu I believe but are proper pink die. don't get blue dye tests. notorious for evaps.

honey glad appt went well. celebratory shag tonight?

I'm about to have acupuncture, hoping she can reboot my ovaries!!

honeysucklejasmine · 17/03/2015 16:53

Ha ha maybe Lil! Need to do an OPK today

jellypi3 · 17/03/2015 16:55

ahh right lil i just thought i had read quite a few cases of people getting "positives" on the IC's recently when they actually weren't.

Gx for needles kickstarting your body!

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5hell · 17/03/2015 17:20

i seriously cant keep up with this fred!

congrats to everyone with good news, including "tentatives"!
sympathies to everyone with sad news or too much stress.

never tried a cock ring...we're moderately adventurous, but doubt DH would be keen. haven't used any props for ages actually, we tend to do a lot of talking (fantasies etc) instead. did once use a proformer condom for a laugh...turns out numb cock is not sexy and just freaked him out, cue DH running to loo to wash it off!!!! Grin

we're sticking to EOD this month...DH keeps suggesting ED and whilst I dont want ot turn him down/put him off, I cant help worrying about chaffing!! :)

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 17/03/2015 17:35

I am liking all this shag talk from all of you! Go! Go! Go!

No idea who Ian McShane is but will google him and set up an altar immediately and pray for all of you JSer's and dance around it in my best knickers not the old lady pants I always wear

gaggia you have given me some relief! I have taken all your sage advice lil honey tink jelly bat and sent DP out for a frer and a large trifle which I will use to distract myself from POAS this evening and winding myself up. Perhaps tomorrow I can PIATP (pee in a trifle pot)

Welcome back 5hell long time no see!

jellypi3 · 17/03/2015 17:46

Haha sky Ian Mcshane is the god of upduffedness. Also known as Lovejoy. Gx on the frer though.

I'm a bit nervous now about how well I will like slimming world. It seems like you need a lot of time to cook home made meals with it which I just don't have.

Maybe I should just change some things first before starting a diet per se? Urgh decisions.

OP posts:
CountryGal4 · 17/03/2015 18:11

I think I have delayed pmt. I'm rather emotionally today. What the hell is wrong with me!!!

Hobbit19 · 17/03/2015 18:11

So in tonight's ridiculous cat/toilet escapades, I attempted to go for a wee and small cat came in, sat on my head and used the back of my jacket as a scratching post! Why can I not be left alone to wee in peace?! Must learn to shut the door!

Love PIATP! :-)

Hobbit19 · 17/03/2015 18:12

You need a right good shag Country, you have been deprived!

CountryGal4 · 17/03/2015 18:15

pud I think you're right major dry spell and ready to don cape and dh has bogged off for the night humph

Hobbit19 · 17/03/2015 18:31

Hmph indeed!!

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