Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Oh, cocked my formatting right up there!!

black you will certainly be upduffed if you are skiing - I got my BFP a day before ski hol and on last 2 ski trips each time a friend has had BFP just before too!

Pud that's hilarious! Absolutely brilliant! Did you tell cat off?

ha strong pelvic floors are a thing of the past i hear once you pop out a bubba

I hope so baitfish - I'm drinking all of the wine and eating all of the cheese to invoke the law of sod

I'm not sure I have any pelvic floor muscles anyway!

Shagging and orgasming is great for the pelvic floor! This Fred's laydeez will all be weeping like control freaks post all your babies coming out due to your brilliant conception techniques! I'd stake my cloak hat on it.

Fucking hell viroids! I'm so bunged up in the poop region!

DP tried a cock ring last night. It was too small and pulled a load of his pubes out!

I'm feeling exhausted tonight. went for a second session with the counsellor this afternoon, and have agreed to another this week. I strangely enjoyed it this week, spent most of the time doodling whilst I was talking which was nice... though I did draw a stick DH, me and the dog, and then added 3 children to it too... amongst other random patterns and doodles..

I meant another next week.

jelly your cock ring story made me laugh (sorry) but what made me laugh even more is that DH has given up asking what's making me laugh when I'm on mn. He's used to me laughing at the Freds..

jelly a) I think the point is they are supposed to be tight, its like condons, they can't be too small! b) make him shave his pubes! dh shaves everything off, balls n all! its sooo much nicer!

one you can be in long cycle land with me forever

glad drs went well JC. how are you feeling? have you been managingvto set yourself any little goals or anything?

night and black fx for bfps!

I think la should do the thread if she's around and willing? maybe she can bring me some icing luck! I'd take that right now!

my necklace is in the local sorting office! need to pay £12.42 extra which includes an £8 handling charge! bloody disgusting. that's almost as much as I paid for the necklace!! going to pick it up tomorrow.

ain glad you enjoyed counseling today. its good your going again next week too. have you found anything about the si?

this might be worth a read ain

So um, I'm not sure what this means. I removed my iud on 5 March and had the pantsnot that same day. Yesterday AF arrived on time, bright red but not too heavy. Then today has tapered off and gone brown (ew sorry for that!) then i remembered that with DD I was sure i had just had a period, albeit a light one so was not at all expecting a BPF with her! So anyhow after seeing the brown matter I took the executive decision of POAS, you know, the ones I bought for my 'friend' which are the crazy early 10mui/ml ones. These are photos are the same test. One is about 4 mins and the other about 20 mins. Do you see what i see? Is this even possible?!

sky you bloody kitten! fuck off to the grads you lucky cow!

Well, we don't know. I am an oldie you see. i turned 36 yesterday and those early tests can be deceptive. Trying not to get hopes up as have had 2 mc before...

Sky! Tentative congratulations!!!! How exciting for you! Now I have a BFP buddy and we can both prove that jelly makes lucky Freds! How many DPO are you?

Was this FMU as well, or not, given the time of day you're posting?

Sky OMG! That means you're pregnant! Our two sayings are "a line is a line is a line" and "today, I am pregnant"! I think both apply here!

Yes, La, winner of WTF cycles, come work your magic! Then you'll be the OP on the undergrads and grads threads at the same time!

Jelly I second the motion to get dh to shave. Mine has, and it's great I don't as I get EPIC ingrown hairs if I do

Oh, and happy birthday for yesterday Sky!

Thanks lemon my cycle is a bit all over the place. Last AF was 16 Feb then had what felt like icing cramps on 27 Feb followed by EWCM on 5 March which is when IUD came out, like that very day... So I am guessing I am 11 dpo and getting an early positive. GX for sticky bean. We decided to TTC a year ago and discovered I had out of control autoimmune disease when I was having my routine bloodtests before TTC. so DP and I have been on tenderhooks for a year hoping my treatment would work...

Sky if you don't mind saying, which autoimmune do you have?

What does FMU mean? trying to stay calm.

Googled FMU. No it was a whim after noticing AF looked suspicious a couple of hours ago...

honey i have Hashimotos. My bloods said I was just barely hypo but my antibodies were over 800 and I was a wreck physically and emotionally (i thought I was run down from pneumonia earlier in the year) i reacted badly to levo and asked very nicely demanded that my GP prescribe me armour thyroid, which I get from a pharmacy on a private prescription. I am from Canada where it's use is more common, so that is how I knew to ask for it. i also see a nutritionist who put me on adrenal supplements which made a huge difference. i have been better for about 6 months now. Oh my gosh I was so frightened. This feels like a dream And I don't want to wake up and find out it isnt real!