Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Fuuuuuuck Jelly they will be HUGE! Wicked!

they are some badass huge cats jelly!!!

Oh my lord Jelly, those cats are massive (and beautiful!)

And yes, I dreamt about doing preggers tests last night that I was upduffed. So I POMYFIRSTSTICK actually I PO three of them and am not upduffed. In fact the only thing that happened that was the same as my dream was that I accidentally pissed on my own hand! So not sure what the EWCM was at the start of my cycle but don't think it was icing. Also I need to get me to a charity shop to purchase a vintage China ROC, pissing in tupperware the free ones from the takeaway is not very classy darlings.
I shall also follow your sage advice and try to secure a place on the ski trip. (Remembers to act cool at all times.)

Haha yeh that's totally not me but that's how big my cats can get. These are my two :)

Pissong on hands is a very real problem sometimes!!

Football was knackering.

My cats are both 6kg

They have rag doll in them though

They are pretty big!

beautiful cats jelly though probably going to be bigger than my dog. Haha. He is only just over 7kg. but he is a small breed.

another long day today. Tomorrow is going to be busy, but I'm hoping that I will be home at a reasonable time at least. :-)

Can't sleep again, awake since 3.45 am. And only just picked up my phone so don't anyone tell me off for that- I tried really hard to get back to sleep for over an hour! I hope I can blame this on progesterone and it's not pure insanity. Sleeping is normally my forte
Anyhoo, love the cat pictures, that has cheered me up . They're all huge! And look so squishy!
This is my furball. She's only a tiddler- 4.5kg, fully grown, 5 and a half years old.
She eats as much as she wants but doesn't like tinned food/pouches so we only give her dry biscuits which she never runs out of. And the odd treat of tuna/ham/chicken etc. Her favourite is drinking the milk left in my cereal bowl (but not milk straight from the fridge you see, she's a diva like that). So she's pretty cheap to feed! She loves a good snuggle with us and hates other cats- she would rather be human I think.
(She doesn't usually sit on the cooker but made me smile when we moved house and she chose that spot to sit and watch us unpack).

Aww! Toast, she's adorable! I really love that she won't drink milk straight from the fridge but loves it from your leftover cereal! Cats are such fussy creatures. I miss having one, although we'll hopefully be rectifying that soon and getting a kitten! Hurrah!

Yes to getting a kitten Mrs! so much fun! Outs will eat anything (including cat litter) but unfortunately if they eat anything other than the GI pouches from the vet they get sickness, diarrhoea and bleeding, it's horrendous. Unfortunately this food costs £25 a week and is not a long term option as it doesn't provide a balanced diet. Meh!

Very very disappointed that that want RL jelly. All my sexy dreams dashes! mopes
Mine are huge too. Both large cats but one is thin and the other rotund. About 5.5kg and 6.5kg last time I checked at vets. The plumper one can do with losing weight but she eats all her brother's food when he turns his back for a second (he's a grazer, she's a gobbler) and well I can't sit there for half an hour keeping guard over the bowls now can i!? sighs

groans at all the autocorrect mistakes in that last post

Skipped shagging last night. Just didn't have the heart to do it. Now worried it will have made all the difference. Bah.

I miss 24 hours and it's now page 5 before I get to reintroduce myself!

MyBlackCat
Age 33
TTC #1 since dec13, mc June 14
No Dc but 1 fur-baby

Currently 7/8 dpo AF due Mon/Tue.

Loving all the cat chat, they are huge! Mine is only 3.8kg and according to the bet could do with losing weight not convinced the vet knows what she's doing she is already so small.

She is fed dry food which I am weighing out, it seems nothing and I'm constantly being pestered for a top up. Consequently she is cheap to feed and a 10kg bag (£50) lasts about 8 months. I've been looking at some alternative 100% natural wet food for her as I'm feeling so guilty but that is pretty expensive.

Someone back thread mentioned skiing and the possibility of being upduffed. When I started this ttc journey way back when I never expected to be no further forward 15 months on. I've got fed up of putting life on hold but I know that's easier said than done. I'm likely to have my own skking dilemma in next week or so but I'll leave that for another post. I would definitely go skiing.

DH leaves tonight for school ski trip I hate him fortunately it's well timed with AF due this week so not missing out on critical shagging time!

Will everybody please stop going on ski trips already!!!!!!!!!

I'm not a fan of feeding dry food only to my cats. I've read lots about how because cats don't drink much water they need to get their moisture from their food and so dry food only diet can lead to UTI's and
Bladder crystals. Which is why they get wet food (and sometimes dry when I'm lazy lol).

CD6 and the fucking monitor is high!!! How the hell????? My first day using it and it's high. All I can assume is that because it's not picked up my peak for a few days it's getting more sensitive so it's saying today is high when it's not technically high.

Off for a weekend in Oxford!!! Although staying with a mate so need tips on how to shag discretely

Feeling a bit lost today. I've had to come into work as need to speak to my boss and I have a seminar to run. Every sensation I'm aware of & I don't know if it's good or bad. I'm not normally superstitious but not loving the date today. Just want to be in bed. Sorry for whinging. I'm just finding things hard to cope with at the moment.

Aw stoat. Maybe being in work for a bit will help- I know it won't take your mind off it but maybe just seeing some other people and being part of 'normality' for a few hours will give you some sort of distraction at least?

Jelly I've worried a bit about that too but we've tried with wet food and she just sniffs it and leaves it! She drinks plenty- usually from water glasses we've left by the bed rather than her actual freely accessible and fresh water bowl.

I'm hoping to toast. I've got to tell my boss what's going on, she's really nice but I think I will cry.

oh stoat :( maybe you can do a half day or something? It's horrible that you are in this position, can't you go and ask your GP for blood tests or anything?

Oh Stoat. Take care of yourself lovely.

My cats also drink water from everywhere but their water bowl.

I'm so hungry!!!!

so sorry for what you're going through stoat I always feel like these words are so feeble in cases like this but if there's anything any of us can do, even if it's just to talk filth to you am sure we all will :-)

so I did as you bad JSers demanded suggested and I poas this am. BFN as expected. would love to say I will wait for Sunday now but you just know I will cave in the morning lol x

ahh no pooch that sucks :( well you're not out till she comes singing!

gx for sunday (i vote wait!)

Sorry stoat it really is a shit time and I hope it works out ok for you.

I've currently got really sore boobs. Not boobs as such but nipples. I just pressed them as you do and they kill. It's cd27 for me and 8/9 dpo.