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Conception

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Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
CountryGal4 · 28/02/2015 21:44

I think I'm developing RSI. Worth it for the Os though . Filthy pants did the job but miroid fears his knob may fall off!!

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:49

Haha RSI ;) my boobs are fucking flaming today. So painful taking my bra off was agony.

CountryGal4 · 28/02/2015 21:53

Shagged instead of eating dinner - I'm a broken woman

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 22:23

Where the hell is everyone??? There's a Fred to fill

CountryGal4 · 28/02/2015 22:24

They're obviously all shagging!

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:27

Country , you're my hero! Lil, thanks for the info, how did you know when you were ovulating / when to do a pg test? Where is La when you need a Fred filling?!

Stoatystoat · 28/02/2015 22:30

I'm here wasting a fine hotel room.
Today has been as nice as it could be all things considered xx

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:30

Not shagging, eating and drinking! I keep thinking if this is implantation then I better enjoy my last nights of freedom Grin Wine

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:30

There once were some viroids from Mumsnet,

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:30

Who were the dirtiest gals you've met

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:31

lots of pant snot

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:31

and even a cunthawk

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:31

So make this next fred the luckiest one yet

CountryGal4 · 28/02/2015 22:33

JIZZ

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:33

Nice Lemon! Miroid just set fire to the house. Again. FFS the man is a liability!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:34

LTB pud!

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:34

There were once some Viroids on Mumsnet...

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:34

Ohh country I like your thinking

PANT SNOT

Lemondrizzletwunt · 28/02/2015 22:35

BOOBIES

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:35

Who hadn't got upduffed just yet,

CountryGal4 · 28/02/2015 22:35

Sorry hang on. Set fire to the house???

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:36

But they sallied forth to just shag,

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:37

In order to bag,

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:38

A BFP. (Sorry, hadn't thought it all the way through before I started my limerick) hahahaha.

Hobbit19 · 28/02/2015 22:39

Yes, he left a coffee pot on the stove for an hour. House is now very smokey.