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Conception

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Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
LaLaLaaaa · 11/02/2015 22:36

Hooray jelly!

Lemon they're loving my verucca story!

DropYourSword · 11/02/2015 22:44

Name: Drop
Age: very nearly 33 (how??!)
Kids: big fat zero
TTC: May 2014

Hi everyone, I'm Drop. Thought I had a BFP a couple of days ago but it must have been a false positive as I got my period this morning. I can see potentially getting into the obsession with getting pregnant and want to have some sense slapped into me be gently persuaded to not worry too much! You sound like my kind of people!

teejayem · 11/02/2015 22:53

Place marking!

Name- tee
Age - 31 (just)
Currently hosting aubergine sized boy (24wks)
Ttc from March 2013, took three months to regulate post BCP

honeysucklejasmine · 11/02/2015 22:57

Name: Honey
Age: 28
DC: 0
TTC: Aug 2014, Mc Sept 14

Tink my god! Talk about limbo. I hope they sort themselves out soon!

Stoat keep faith honey Flowers

Dul thanks for the new thread!

Indigoblue2 · 11/02/2015 22:58

tee I had no idea you were expecting a boy!! When did that happen??

honeysucklejasmine · 11/02/2015 22:59

Welcome Drop! We are indeed that place! Grin

Stoatystoat · 11/02/2015 23:00

Name: stoat
Age: 35 almost
DC: 0
TTC: since January, got bfp on 17th, except have been spotting for the last three weeks and have been for a scan today which wasn't very fruitful. Not at the size they would expect and have to go back next week so in limbo until then. Not even shagging due to all of the worry. Just waiting more like!

LaLaLaaaa · 11/02/2015 23:04

Tink I missed your post! I'm so sorry you're being messed about :(

ChatEnOeuf · 11/02/2015 23:05

New home! Hope it's as good to us as the last one Wink

Name: Chat
Age: 33
DCs: 1DD now 3.5, one anxious tabby and a DH
TTC: Jan 2014. MCs March and Aug but currently incubating a whoopee cushion-sized womble lodger Grin

ChatEnOeuf · 11/02/2015 23:08

Welcome Drop, always good to see new faces Smile

Tink - what the bloody hell is going on?! How hugely frustrating for you.

Ainat266 · 12/02/2015 00:02

new home. Smile

name: ainat
age: 27
dc's: none. but a jack Russell fur baby
ttc: August 2014, but still having serious issues with cycles after bc.

rachelrawrrr · 12/02/2015 00:58

Name: rachelrawrrr
age: 20
ttc #1, 2 furbabies

hello all Grin the Facebook group has certainly gone quiet now!!!!
feeling very ill lately Sad I'm sure I've missed the egg this month, due to feeling so shitty Angry, only dtd CD 7, 11 and 14, so I really think I'm out.. fingers crossed for next month!

rachelrawrrr · 12/02/2015 01:07

also, AF is due a week today, so I'm absolutely dreading that. always far too heavy and it makes me feel like death Sad

I'm so happy for those of you that havr had BFPs, wishing you all a happy and healthy 9 months Grin Thanks

Poochieblue · 12/02/2015 01:14

Name: Pooch
Age: 34
DCs: 2 Step-daughters 15 & nearly 13 and a DH (OH MY DEAR SANITY!!)
TTC: Sep 2014 and AF/BFP due this weekend

rach I actually thought that this morning and it made me smile at how easily we went over there and then came back after the all important BFP Grin
also don't rule yourself out just yet! remember ga was ready to LTB after her DH "wasted" her egg and oh look BFP! lol

australopithecus · 12/02/2015 04:15

Cheers dulcet (I knew a Dulcie once. That was worthless info, innit).

Name: austropithecus
Age: laa-aate 30s
DCs: 1, 10 months (still bf), and felines
TTC: Since Oct 2014, properly since Dec 2014.

Candidate for Oscar for the shortest luteal phase ever (4 days) after cycle 0 ovulation. Did so much shagging you could fertilise an entire herd of plesiosaurs with the eggs, but can they implant? Nooo-oooo. Bah humbug.

australopithecus · 12/02/2015 04:17

Hi drop and happy to have you stoat. Gx it's just a little hiccup and bean is only digging in to get comfy before getting down to the growing business.

Toast85 · 12/02/2015 05:47

Lovely Fred thanks Dulcet.
Name: toast
Age: 29
DCs: incubating one 5 1/2 week old, peppercorn sized bean
TTC: since Jan '15 (expected lengthy period of JSing smashed by chat's lucky Fred)

Please can I lurk stick around here for a bit viroids? You're a bit filthier than the grads and I need some hot filth during this current sex-ban (self imposed by myself and DH- we're both too terrified incase we break my womble and dislodge the bean). Thank you.

Ainat266 · 12/02/2015 06:21

toast of course you can hang out here my lovely. like everyone else i really hope that your little bean is just taking its time to get comfy before he starts growing.

I am so tired. Every day this week I've been home extra late. tonight I'm also likely to be home late. I've been doing really bad eating wise too and been consuming far too much sugar to keep me going. 2 more days, 2 more days...

CountryGal4 · 12/02/2015 06:42

Country (or 0069 due to spy status)
Age 26
No dcs
Ttc since jan 15

Cycle day 8 over here no idea when af is due on account of my INSANE fanjo. It's gone rogue I tell you.

Welcome newbies. Grads with new beans - stick around until your ready. Good luck with the bean brewing!

Hobbit19 · 12/02/2015 06:55

Welcome drop!

Keep going aint! Two more days!

I was offered the holy grail of teaching positions yesterday..... A place on the ski trip! The criteria for this is: The PE department think you are cool.

(I have never been cool before ever butI think they were getting desperate so I'll take it!)

Buuuuuut it's in 6 weeks time.... what if I'm upduffed? I'm going skiing with DH next week so if I am upduffed then it will be by about 5 minutes. By Easter I could be 11 weeks (not v likely!) Woz fink?

LaLaLaaaa · 12/02/2015 06:57

Pud go for it! Don't put your life on hold ttc. Even I'd you were upduffed it would be fine - ask chat and mountain, both been skiing upduffed.

Welcome drop!

ChatEnOeuf · 12/02/2015 07:09

Yep, Pud, skied with DD - took it gently and drank a lot of Looza juice and hot choc :)

DulcetMoans · 12/02/2015 07:16

Sorry about the thread confusion viroids (especially tink!) was just worried you had three posts left and no where to go!

We aren't as filthy in a sex way cos we stopped shagging through exhaustion toast. We have we types of filth now with biscuit nipples and the good old CM chat continues!

Free skiing, yay pud! My BIL is doing that over holidays too. Difference is he is a PE teacher so maybe doesn't have to be cool. If upduffed can you keep it to the easy skiing, whilst making sure the kids don't break their necks, smoke of bonk? (age dependant there!)

OP posts:
LaLaLaaaa · 12/02/2015 07:25

Have to say I agree - spent first 5 weeks of pg too scared to shag, then I was too sick/tired. Now feeling fine and desperate for a shag! (18 weeks)

Soon I'll be too big to shag!!!

Toast85 · 12/02/2015 07:50

Oh dulcet don't worry the grads are lovely too, I'm just sort of hanging between the two at the mo and I dont really know where i am! Seem to be mostly an emotional wreck this morning, spontaneous cries so far = 6 in 3 days. I know that's normal too!