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Conception

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Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
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24
Poochieblue · 12/02/2015 16:25

and i haven't got any symptoms at all, not even my usual AF ones I normally get by now! I can actually still bear to have my bra on which I normally struggle with after icing :-/
I am not symptom spotting, more celebrating the absence of pain for a change :-) x

Poochieblue · 12/02/2015 16:26

love it honey wonder if ga had an extra sign for the cunthawk?! lol

mountaingirl01 · 12/02/2015 16:27

Poochie I still don't have any symptoms..

jellypi3 · 12/02/2015 16:38

lack of symptoms...must be a symptom Wink

I won't feed the crazy haha! Test when you want to, but I would say maybe try tomorrow and if BFN then wait a few days?

I just spent £80 on cat food....I'm officially a crazy cat lady!

Ainat266 · 12/02/2015 16:55

honey love it. I'm picturing stereotypical American suburbs with picket fences and the names painted on white mail boxes with those little red flag things...

£80 on cat food? what do you feed them on? smoked salmon? lol. how long would that last you for? I hope it's a long while...

I'm definitely exhausted... sight pains on the left side again, but achey pains rather than sharp pains. I really hope this is a sign of something. I really want an af damn it! I doubt it though. possibly a chance of ovulation as it's on one side...? but I doubt that too...

frust.rat.ing.

MazyCrummy · 12/02/2015 17:00

I asked DH if he'd like me to get him a book to take on our jollies. He wanted 'Fractal Geometry: An introduction'.Confused Now how is that going to get him in the mood?? I think I might need a shinier, lacier cape!

jellypi3 · 12/02/2015 17:20

ain i really hope it's a sign of something :( and the food will last us about a month, my two cats eat 3 tins of food a day, and i'm not talking little tins, i'm talking 400g tins (the type bakes beans come in). 3 of those. A day. I'm trying them on new foods because they are getting fussy lol!

mazy my OH likes reading physics books! how boring lol

Poochieblue · 12/02/2015 17:32

don't worry my crazy is too crazy to be fueled any further! soooo yeah ok I'll give it a whizz pun intended and if it's bfn I'll try again sun or mon if the witch doesn come knocking!
so mountain did you not get any AF symptoms before your BFP either?! it's just weird, I keep thinking I've dreamt what cd I'm on cos I really do usually feel so lousy at this point :-/ the only single one I've got is being hungry, but to be honest I'm always hungry anyway lol c

Lemondrizzletwunt · 12/02/2015 17:36

honey you dreamt of me!

Well you lucky viroids, have I got something gross for you!! Read the reviews!

jellypi3 · 12/02/2015 18:01

That has to be a joke lemon ???

Poochieblue · 12/02/2015 18:09

I have no words?!?!!!!!!!!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 12/02/2015 18:16

why thank you Grin

mountaingirl01 · 12/02/2015 18:33

Good god. The world has gone nuts.

Jelly, how big are your cats?!

Poochie, literally nothing! I got breakthrough bleeding and some cramping after my bfp but nothing before

Jcandy · 12/02/2015 18:35

lemon my dp showed me that the other day. I was a little worried he was getting ideas but he seemed pretty disgusted by it! thank God for that! it's the blurb about it and the reviews that are hilarious!! And super gross......

Haha honey that made me laugh, dreams are funny things aren't they!

pooch sounds like you've got a good plan, gx for you!

3 tins a day jelly! How are they not the size of a house?!?

Cd9 here for me. No Cape donning yet for me bad jser but I will be on it tonight!! Though my batteries for my toy haven't arrived Sad seems like dp will have to work extra hard! Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 12/02/2015 18:46

Oh my god Jelly, how big are they?!
Strange really that it said "LemonDrizzleCunt" on the signs though. No twunts here! You had three large signs, like the IKEA ones, vertical ones on poles. And it was a very naice house.

lildottie · 12/02/2015 18:50

jelly I seriously doubt they need that much food. my mums cat has 1 tin a day (split into 2 meals) or 2 pouches and she's a wopper! you need to go on a cat version of "eat well for less"!

lemon just wow!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 12/02/2015 18:51

Of course it was a naice house! Grin and I was going to call myself lemondrizzlecunt but it was before i knew MN, and thought some people might be offended Grin

LaLaLaaaa · 12/02/2015 18:54

Lemon that's extraordinary!

Pooch I'm going against the trend and saying wait til 12dpo! Both times I got bfn 11dpo and bfp 12dpo. Gx!

australopithecus · 12/02/2015 18:57

Cd9. DTD day 2. I've tidied the kitchen. I have no energy left. drags self upstairs I don't even want to tonight. sobs into carpet God I need to vacuum up here more often. Perhaps if I do that it can be in lieu of shagging? Can it?

Indigoblue2 · 12/02/2015 19:02

I got bfn on 11dpo and BFP on 12dpo too!

australopithecus · 12/02/2015 19:03

My cat food runs me about £35 per month and mine are all fancy dr hills special diet for cats who are too spoilt to eat bog standard stuff made of horses' hooves and porcupine noses felines. You may have to reasses jelly

jellypi3 · 12/02/2015 19:04

Cd 5 and the cape has been donned!!!

Haha you are all concerned over the size of my cats! Well one is a maine coon (google them), he's not quite a year and weight 6.5kg (and isn't overweight). The other is a Ragdoll who is very slim but she just doesn't stop eating (she's about 4kg). So they are both large breed cats, and both have lots of growing to do!

If I gave them two pouches they would kill me.

Off to football tonight. Got weird cramps and a back ache though so not Gonna Enjoy it

jellypi3 · 12/02/2015 19:08

Size Comparison for you all. Maine coon and Ragdoll

Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)
Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)
australopithecus · 12/02/2015 19:10

jelly is hot.

Indigoblue2 · 12/02/2015 20:04

Jelly is hot alright but pretty sure that's a jelly wannabe and not the real slim shady Smile