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Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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24
honeysucklejasmine · 27/02/2015 18:18

Country that's great! Shag, shag and shag some more!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 27/02/2015 18:21

Honey fucking snap!! To hell with MN vipers and their disapprovals! I still have people telling me it was the best wedding they've ever been to Grin

I think as long as you are all happy, who cares? Are people really that judgy?

CountryGal4 · 27/02/2015 18:21

Dh has just informed me he may be out of jizz Hmm

jellypi3 · 27/02/2015 18:23

Nooooooooo country after all this time you get a fab OPK. He can't be out of man juice

CountryGal4 · 27/02/2015 18:27

I'm less than impressed

MyBlackCat · 27/02/2015 18:52

Evening viroids I went to see fifty shades of grey last night heads off to buy cable ties and rope not convinced DH will be up for recreating some scenes but I will do my best. CD11 today high reading on contraband so need to get the shagging started...

Hobbit19 · 27/02/2015 19:09

Country , have you not shown him your opk? Surely that would turn any man on?!?!?!

CountryGal4 · 27/02/2015 20:04

I have. He's got a pint of beer in him... Wish me luck

MyBlackCat · 27/02/2015 20:14

Good luck country

Do other viroids have issues with their DH/P and their commitment to ttc. Mine says all the right things when I'm disappointed with AF turning up but when it comes to getting down to it, he makes it out to be such a chore. Obviously doesn't do wonders for the self confidence Sad ...

Hobbit19 · 27/02/2015 20:36

Ah sorry to hear that Black cat, DH had a bit of a wobble to start with but is quite keen now, he keeps saying 'do you feel pregnant yet?', bless him. But then we are only DTD when we feel like it, about 2-3 times a week. I think it will take longer for us to get upduffed this way but makes us happy.

Did anyone watch the Childbirth All or Nothing on the BBC? Thought the idea of eating the placenta was actually quite interesting until she actually put it in her smoothie, then I changed my mind!!!

lildottie · 27/02/2015 20:46

jelly I paid £980 for my flowers but that included hire of five fuck off great candelabras and 2 pedestal displays. my mum bought flowers in Tesco the day before and did her own for hers. she also made pew ends out of artificial flowers for me.

how the hell did you get a brand new dress for £140 mountain my friend has found a dress she loves but is struggling to justify £1450 price tag. there are no shops around here that do things that cheap!

lildottie · 27/02/2015 20:47

oh country that is a beaut! good luck pinning dh down may I suggest 50shades style

jellypi3 · 27/02/2015 21:01

Am I the only person who hasn't seen 50 shades

CountryGal4 · 27/02/2015 21:29

I haven't seen it jelly

MyBlackCat · 27/02/2015 21:34

one I don't think the fact that we are into month 15 of ttc now helps the situation - the novelty has definetly worn off! Just seen a bit of childbirth all or nothing via gogglebox - seasoning the placenta WTF!

lildottie · 27/02/2015 21:46

I haven't seen it jelly but I loved the books

Ainat266 · 27/02/2015 21:52

Thank you for all your kind messages viroids. I'm sorry for the previous negative posts. I think just everything is getting to me at the moment. Work, life in general, even my dreams. So many vivid dreams recently. Some of which are negative/memories I'd rather forget.

Whoever said about hating the tax man - me too. :( My pay packet gets a considerable chuck taken out of it each month for tax, NI, student loans and teachers pension... I didn't actually know what NI covers, looked it up and the rates... Wish I hadn't. Turns out I worked out that someone on double what I earn only pays half of what I pay for NI. No sense! It's because the higher rate for NI is only 2%, whereas for most people it's 12%.

On the wedding note - I didn't pay anything for my flowers. My auntie very kindly did my flowers for the wedding as her wedding present to us. This does mean I don't know what they cost. I know they came from a flower market which she went to really early one morning and then she put them all together for us. Our cake was also free - my nan comes from a family of bakers and offered to do it for us.

lildottie · 27/02/2015 21:57

ain they still pay 12% up to the earnings threshold, then the higher earnings are nicd at 2%.

Hobbit19 · 27/02/2015 21:59

Eep, I can imagine the novelty has warn off a little after 15 months BlackCat, hope you are okay.

Family and friends did everything for our wedding; food, dress, flowers, music in the ceremony, even my God dad married us, it was lovely though, made us feel very lucky to haven't such lovely and talented people in our lives.

Ainat266 · 27/02/2015 22:15

Okay. I'll let the rich people off then. Lol. I'm just frustrated with how much gets taken off me in various deductions... But hey. I guess it's the same for most of us. I do purposely not check my wage slips and stuff as it depresses me. Apart from yesterday when I did...

lildottie · 27/02/2015 22:23

tbf the pension is for your own future benefit, and will probably be a darn sure better than any of ours even with the cuts! ( I pay £20 pm into mineShock ) and the student loan is the price you pay for the time of your life! I didn't do uni so no student loan for me! dh paid £2250 last yr though!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 27/02/2015 22:23

Chipping in to commiserate on the tax woes...I was self employed last tax year and had paid an instalment during the previous year toward this bill. I forgot I got a pay rise, and miscalculated the tax I owed to the tune of some £3k, and so I have just given the tax man most of our savings and an extra £400 for the next 4 months... Sad

What will I buy Wine with now?

lildottie · 27/02/2015 22:26

oh no lemon! you need to do better tax planning. are you still se?

Lemondrizzletwunt · 27/02/2015 22:32

Nope. PAYE now. It was all peachy the year previous, I just forgot about my pay rise! I was really happy back in July thinking I'd already paid half the bill, and had saved the other half ready for the Jan return. Except I hadn't saved enough, because I am probably the only person stupid enough to forget I got a pay rise. Hmm

Ainat266 · 27/02/2015 22:40

I am sure I will appreciate the pension money when I get to that point. :) I know it's for my own benefit in the long run.

To be fair, I haven't been a teacher for long so I'm still adjusting to the whole pay/tax/pension stuff... But I am on a better wage than I've been before and I am actually able to save money now now all my debts are cleared (other than student loan) which is nice. I am in a fortunate position. I just wish I never checked my wage slip so that I could still be blissfully unaware of how much was actually deducted. Lol.

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