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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
Indigoblue2 · 31/10/2014 22:03

bother I'd buy one! Just kidding..... Really. I am.

Kinda...

gaggiagirl · 31/10/2014 22:37

Name: gaggia
Age: 32
TTC: July 2014 MC October 2014
DC: DD 3yo (ginger.....dont cross her!)

Khbutterfly11 · 31/10/2014 22:39

Name: kh or butt (hehe) or anything you like really :-D
Age: 34
TTC: August 2014
DCs: 2 DSD's plus DH lol!

ChatEnOeuf · 31/10/2014 22:55

Chat stats:

Age 33
TTC #2 Jan 2014. MC March 14 and Aug 14.
DD age 3-going on 23
One cat, two fish and a snail.
Currently incubating a blueberry. Aw.

OP posts:
ChatEnOeuf · 31/10/2014 23:04

Happy birthday Indigo hope it's been a good one.

No OPKs - don't use such things! Am a good JSer. Will have to rely on boob size and carb portions downed...Grin

Good luck Twotters and Schroedingers. We are at a wedding tomorrow, I'm hoping to make one splash of champagne last six hours...soda water top up anyone?

OP posts:
DulcetMoans · 01/11/2014 00:50

Ok, let's see how far we get by tomorrow lunchtime, will need to get on a computer to do it for the copy/paste job but don't was for me if it comes to it.

Happy birthday indigo, kept that quiet! (Or did I miss it? Sorry!) hope it was a good one!

Sorry lil, course you should keep at it if you want to! Wink Hopefully he will oblige. It sucks it's got this far but it is the next step and the opportunity is there!

What a weird gift for a MC gaggia! How can he be not sure about cheesecake but sure about lavender softener?! What goes on in their minds.

Got any excuses planned for tomorrow chat? Or just stealth?!

Leela5 · 01/11/2014 03:39

Name: la, leela, la la
Age: 34
Ttc since: July 2013, mc sept 2014
DCs: 0 :( just furry ones (famous cat and the cross eyed one)

Right. Someone is playing a mean trick. I have been getting stabs in boobs all eve and my nose is blocked but no snot, which was a symptom last time. I also had small glass of wine and felt sick. I love wine!

Fuck off faux symptoms this is just mean! I'm 7dpo and you're far too early to be real!

Leela5 · 01/11/2014 03:44

PS has anyone else had blocked nose as early pg symptom? I had it last time - to point where I couldn't speak. But when you blow nothing comes out.

Apparently 10% of women get it!

TinkerBlue · 01/11/2014 07:05

Name: Tink
Age: 33
Ttc since: 5+ years
Dc's: none but one lovely spaniel and 2 kittens.

Haha bother pretty sure there'd be a market for it!

chat good l

TinkerBlue · 01/11/2014 07:10

Dammit, post to soon, good luck with the subterfuge!!!!

la I've read about the blocked nose thing, see link. www.babycenter.com/0_stuffy-nose-during-pregnancy_1076.bc

lil sorry you feel a bit down Sad, are you having a rest in Dec?

Happy Saturday!

ChatEnOeuf · 01/11/2014 07:29

Morning all! DD is very excited and has been prancing around the room in her 'very pretty dress' for an hour. I can't imagine anyone won't notice, I usually really enjoy a glass of wine at these things. A switch to beer would have eyebrows in the sky. We missed another wedding in this gang when I mc in Aug so they will all spot me.

OP posts:
ChatEnOeuf · 01/11/2014 07:31

I have heard of the blocked nose thing but never experienced it. Pregnancy is a pretty weird state to be in Confused

OP posts:
Leela5 · 01/11/2014 07:40

Chat - options:

  1. bartenders are your friend! I have helped many a newly pregnant lady hide non drinking. Very easy to do you a lemonade no vodka, make soda water look like prosecco etc.
    If you're struggling ask a trustworthy looking bartender to help

  2. lots of 'ha ha haa!' Hysterical laughter whilst simultaneously large gesturing drink into plant pot, onto ground (if outside) or dhs glass

  3. Switcheroo with his when empty

  4. teach minichat to accidentally spill your glass every now and then

  5. nurse glass long time til everyone else is pissed and won't notice

Leela5 · 01/11/2014 07:42

lil I'm gx that this cycle natural bfp will be yours!!!!

Read rest of your messages at 4am when blind with tiredness so nothing made sense. Think I need to re read

Leela5 · 01/11/2014 07:47

gaggia fabric conditioner!!?!

Are mc gifts a thing? I got flowers but starting to wonder if I missed out..

lildottie · 01/11/2014 08:50

thanks la

dulcet I doubt he will be happy about it. but as ff app hasn't confirmed ov this morning I have leverage Grin

tink the fertility clinic are putting me on bcp at the start of next cycle which will be mid nov in prep for ivf. its to shut down all my natural hormones. but I don't start the injections until 28th dec so its a forced rest iyswim.

jellypi3 · 01/11/2014 08:52

Name: Jellypi3
Age: 24
TTC: since August 2014
DC's: none, just the furry (and scaly) variety!

Got sore boobs this morning :( last time I had sore boobs AF came but she's not due another week and half!!

mountaingirl01 · 01/11/2014 08:57

La I hate to do this but .. Hooyah. Step away from the Google Flowers

Leela5 · 01/11/2014 09:08

Oh don't worry it was a 4 am wobble. Sanity is restored

TinkerBlue · 01/11/2014 09:09

lil I see, well everything crossed for this cycle for you xxx I hope the gods in charge is sods law are listening. Smile

jelly I get hurty boobs for about 2 weeks before af! Someone told me epo can help?? I didn't take any supplements inc. Epo last cycle as a bit of an experiment and boobs were less hurty if anything?? No underwire helps Flowers

honeysucklejasmine · 01/11/2014 09:23

Right. So i now have epo so do i take it every day? Or just certain days?

AF still relatively mild atm. Which is great. But its got to come out some way, so would rather it hurry up. I might experiment with tampons this month. Never managed them before, i now know because of my endo. Might have some luck now.

DH and i are going to put together a treats basket for the ILs today. Not sure what to put in it! (besides flowers and a nice marmalade). Any suggestions?

BothersomeB · 01/11/2014 09:47

How about a lottery ticket honey?
And a smelly candle?

TinkerBlue · 01/11/2014 09:53

Fresh bread? Yum Smile

I think you're meant to take epo everyday but I don't bother after ov as I once read somewhere something negative about its affects on implantation. Probably wasn't even true but my epo is like swallowing bullets so any excuse.

la I truly salute thee for surviving on so little sleep! Smile

DulcetMoans · 01/11/2014 09:55

Oh what's the treats basket for honey? A specific occasion or just sharing the love? How about fancy tea or coffee, magazines, or maybe make up an afternoon tea box with scones and jam and clotted cream etc. friend did that for my birthday and was lovely!

Not heard of the nose thing la but anything is a symptom if you google it I've found! 'Ive broke my leg - well you could be pregnant!'. Hoping its good news though, of course!

jelly, my first symptom every time has been the boobs. Can go either way!

Hope the leverage worked lil! Wink

Leela5 · 01/11/2014 10:05

I didn't google it - dr told me! Not google guilty this time! false accusations honestly as if I'd google as if! Almost as unlikely as me using contraband

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